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Questions Can Power Your Leadership

Good questions are more important than good answers. Sounds contradictory – we’re praised and lauded for the right answers. But answers only show you have mastered a body of knowledge; you know what is already known. Far more important is the ability to generate new questions which show the depth of your interest and involvement. It is the questions that lead to new knowledge.

Because of this, questions can strengthen your leadership. In Fred Ende’s post, 4 Questions to Make Leading and Learning More Effective, it is clear where this can be a valuable tool that also improves your relationships. Here are his questions, and why they work.

  1. What’s on your mind? – This gives you or the person you’re talking to a chance to reflect, which allows us to slow down. Far too often we have so much happening, we don’t take time to focus on what our concerns and goals are. We gain a lot when we ask it of others. To be considered as valuable and indispensable to someone, we need to be able to meet their needs and wants. Knowing the curriculum and the aims of the principal, we can help teachers attain these. Ask this of a teacher, and you are likely to find new ways to collaborate and connect.
  2. Why do you think this is urgent or important? – Ende says this is a great follow-up question because, “it builds the connection between the ‘what’ and ‘why.’ This also helps you understand where they are. You can then move forward on helping them address the need. It is the question beyond the Eisenhower Matrix which asks you to identify what things are urgent and which are important. Based on the response you receive, you can better decide what needs to be done next and have a better understanding of what is causing your teachers pressure.
  3. What do we think would happen if …? – How you finish the question obviously depends on the first two answers. It encourages deeper thought about the issue. Ende says to note what is more important than the question is the word “we.”  After letting the other person share, you have now introduced yourself into the discussion. You are now showing your interest and support while quietly collaborating.
  4. How can I help? – With this last question, you have moved center stage. You have moved from “you” to “we” to “I.” This is where the gold is. You started by asking a simple, engaging question, and now because you have listened, you are positioned to respond to their need. One you might not have been aware of. It’s possible the person has no idea how you can help, but asking the question is an important start. You may have some suggestions you can share if they are open to it. Thus, the collaboration begins and you are becoming invaluable to the teacher.

You are not always asked for help. Many times teachers and administrators don’t know all we can do for them. These four questions open a vital dialogue and reinforce the premise that people don’t care what you know until they know you care. Where you build relationships, you create opportunities for leadership. Take the lead by asking questions and grow into the answer.

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Build Your Self-Awareness

How self-aware are you?

Have you ever been out walking and caught sight of your reflection in a store window? Were you surprised to see what you looked like? As the English translation has it from Robert Burns’ To a Louse, “Oh, would some Power the gift give us/To see ourselves as others see us!” We have an image in our heads not only of how we look, but, more importantly, how others see us as a person. One of the challenges as a leader, is being okay with not blending in. A leader has presence and embraces values and vision that are part of who they are – and that makes them stand out.

Do you know how people see you? It’s important to know. LaRay Quy provides three techniques for developing self-awareness and becoming a more impactful leader in her post, How Self-Awareness Allows Leaders to Make a Greater Impact:

  1. Eliminate Inconsistency – Quy says, “how we see ourselves is often an illusion, and it can be dangerous if we misjudge how we come across to our colleagues and supervisors.“ In addition, when our actions are different from our thoughts/beliefs a cognitive dissonance is produced. This causes stress and leads to a lack of confidence. No one follows a leader who isn’t confident. To help, ask friends or colleagues you trust describe you. Does the description match your self-perception? Start noticing where/when the inconsistency shows up. Ask yourself what caused it? What would have been a better way to respond.
  2. Identify Triggers – You may have noticed in the past situations that caused you to respond inconsistently with your values or to hide your feelings. According to Quy, trying to use will-power to prevent yourself from reacting to these triggers doesn’t typically work because your emotions are involved. Again, she says to check in with those trusted friends about how your reactions impact others. If you want some external information, consider taking one of the personality tests such as Myers-Briggs to help you understand why you do it. Understanding yourself is at the heart of self-awareness and can lead to changes and new habits that better support you.
  3. Live Authentically – This is the ultimate goal – being the same person people meet, no matter where they encounter you. It does require courage at times. When you leave your comfort zone and want to succeed in a new situation, it is tempting to try to fit in. But you will be far more successful by being who you are. Yes, you make yourself vulnerable by being self-aware and authentic. But leaders are not wishy-washy. They are who they are. And that’s why people count on them.

Self-awareness is an underappreciated and powerful leadership tool. Your confidence in being the same person all the time inspires others to do the same. It empowers them to take risks and become leaders themselves. And as the saying goes, “A leader’s job is not to create followers. It is to create more leaders.” Be yourself – no one else can do it.

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Humility, Relationships & Leadership

Since childhood we have been schooled in not praising ourselves. By extension, we’re told that leaders shouldn’t go around boasting about their accomplishments. While there is a time for humility and for bringing others into our accomplishments, there is a difference between puffing yourself up and knowing how to receive compliments. If when we receive one, we turn it away, we not only make ourselves smaller, we minimize another’s opinion. In addition, since this tends to be a habit more practiced by women than men, it undermines their ability to be seen as leaders.

In her blog post, The Risk of Self-Effacement? “Self-Erasement” – Do’s & Don’ts, Leslie Williams explores how this type of humility diminishes you, the work you’ve done, and the person who complimented you. Williams gives six instances of when you might inadvertently send messages you hadn’t intended and how to respond instead.

  1. When Someone Compliments Your Work – This is one of the most common situations. Do you automatically say, “It was no big deal” and/or mention what you did wrong. The easiest way to respond is to say, “Thank You.” This acknowledges that you value what the other person said and what you accomplished. When it fits the situation, you can be generous in giving praise to any who were part of the success. That’s honest humility. A good leader knows how to share the spotlight and promote the work of others. Doing so not only builds relationships, it also builds advocates.
  2. When Disagreeing – Own your opinion but do so respectfully. Your goal usually is to convince them to see your point of view. Williams says they are not likely to do so if they sense your disdain, Also, don’t feint agreement, by nodding and smiling. As Williams says, if you disagree, “don’t make nice.”
  3. When Asking a Question – Williams cautions you not to say “I have a stupid question” or other ways of minimizing what you are about to ask. Say outright, “I have a question,” or state you wish to propose another perspective or issue. Own your curiosity and desire to learn more.
  4. When Negotiating Salary – After making sure you are aware of the salary scale for the position you want, know all the things you bring to the table What courses or certifications might add to what your new salary will be? What volunteer work shows your leadership, collaborative, and problem solving abilities? How confidently you present yourself affects the respect and value the administration will place on you – as well as your salary.
  5. When Managing Your Career –Too many librarians are so grateful to be tenured, they fail to read the handwriting on the wall. They are afraid to try to move to another district and only do so when their job has been eliminated. You are in a much stronger position when you still have a job than when you are seeking one. Don’t bad-mouth the district you hope to leave, but instead focus on what you feel you can achieve better in this new district – and all the qualifications you bring with you.
  6. What About You? – How self-effacing are you? Williams asks you to watch yourself over the next week. Try to catch yourself when responding or acting in a self-effacing manner. Record the action. Later, reflect on what caused the response. How did you feel in the moment? What could you have done differently? Is there a way you could have owned your success? And think about what the long term cost to you could be if you continue to respond this way?

Humility has its place. So does recognizing your accomplishments and successes. There’s no need to boast, but know how to accept praise, ask questions, and manage your career. And the more you are able to hear and accept praise, the more likely you are to take the next risk to grow as a leader.

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The Art of Listening

Last year, Libraries Unlimited released my book The Art of Communication: A Librarian’s Guide for Successful Leadership, Collaboration, and Advocacy. Despite my understanding of the subject overall, my great weakness is the art of listening. As an extrovert and one who talks a lot, all too often I forget to practice active listening.  And it’s in the listening that relationships are forged.

Both introverts and extroverts need to cultivate this important skill. Our students, teachers, administrators, and parents will value us if can meet their needs and wants.  Only by listening can we identify and understand these needs and wants.

To help us increase our ability to listen, David Lembi proposes 4 bad habits to drop and 3 skills to build in Leadership-Level Listening: The Quiet Superpower. As you read them, consider which bad habits have been impeding you and which skills you need to work on.

BAD HABITS

  1. Listening with a Goal in Mind – The object is to listen to what the other person is saying not on what you want to do. If you are waiting to jump in and offer your expertise, you will likely miss important information. Lembi says to “make understanding your only conversational goal.”
  2. Multi-tasking – This one is probably the most common. If you are doing something else like deleting unneeded emails, you are not listening to the person talking to you. And they are aware of it. Even if you are not physically doing something, you may have so much on your to-do list that you let your mind wander.  The lack of focus in your eyes lets the speaker know you are not paying attention.
  3. Judging – Deciding what the other person is saying is accurate, relevant, or important means you are not listening to all they are saying nor are you able to understand that individual’s point of view. Wait. You will have time to assess their message before you need to respond.
  4. Preparing Your Response – This is a habit I can easily fall into.  During the conversation, are you searching for the best way to frame your response. If so, you are longer listening.   To build relationships, people need to know you care and want to hear what they have to say. You don’t need to have every conversation end with a collaborative unit.  Your objective is to build the relationship.

3 SKILLS TO BUILD

  1. Engagement – Do you feel the connection between the two of you when you are talking?  That’s the engagement needed which creates the trust necessary to build a relationship. Lebni suggests we do whatever it takes to stay present and go “all in” on listening.
  2. Attunement – This is the next level. When you are attuned to the other person, you see things from their point of view.  It leans on your Social and Emotional abilities. You can sense their pain, frustration, and whatever emotions are at the root of what they are saying. Lembi says it’s akin to how musicians tune into each other to “synchronize rhythms and harmonize pitch.” It also allows you to be aware of the speaker’s nonverbal messages.
  3. Respect – You need to show that you believe in the value of the other person’s opinion – regardless of whether or not you agree or what else you might know. You never want to convey that you think their opinion can’t have merit. Instead, bring a sense of curiosity as to how they arrived at their conclusion or about what they are looking to learn.  If you are going to want them to value you, you must show you value them.

As a further help, Lembi suggests these 2 types of questions to use:

  1. Clarifying Questions – These help you make sure you have the details correctly. Lembi notes these also help you remember what was said more clearly.
  2. Diagnostic Questions – How, What, and Why questions deepen the conversation. They not only show you have been listening but also indicate you consider the other person’s ideas important and valuable.

Communication does not exist without listening.  As the old riddle ask, “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound.”  Make sure you hear all conversations you are engaged in. It’s vital to your relationship building skills and the continued success of your program..

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Using Stress to Succeed

Who isn’t dealing with stress? We face it at work and most of us face it at home. Librarians, teachers and administrators are dealing with scary challenges. And we not only have to manage our own stress, but we have to interact with others who are experiencing stress as well. Our students’ mental health has become a concern. Teachers have new goals and guidelines they don’t know how to meet. Administrators face unending political pressures.

People under stress are rarely at their best. Tempers flare, harsh words are said, and relationships are torn, sometimes beyond repair. We can’t afford to endanger our relationships. As leaders and librarians, successful relationships are vital to what we want to achieve. But we can’t simply wish our stress away. Indeed, the stresses in our lives only seem to increase. So what can we do?

In her blog post, Fear(less) Leadership: How to Recalibrate Your Stress Response, Rebecca Heiss takes a novel approach to dealing with stress, by finding ways to (believe it or not) make it work for us. “Fear(less)” is the key word. So much stress is rooted in fear, whether it is getting everything done, forgetting a key detail, or your job security. Knowing how to deal with that fear is a way to deal with that challenge.

Heiss makes three main points:

  • Our Brains Aren’t Designed for Today’s World – Heiss notes our brains treat all threats no matter their source or complexity in the same way. We fall into the classic, freeze, flee, fight response. We see all three in the responses librarians are making to the book banning that keeps ramping up in the United States. I am sure there are some librarians who are in one of these modes even if there haven’t been challenges in their district. Most often, we hide our fear under a brave face and plunge in, much like an animal that bristles and growls when under attack. But the fear is still there and wears away inside us. To deal with that, Heiss says we need to understand “how our brains will interpret the risks initially and then taking the time to calculate the actual costs of both action and inaction in making the next move.” In other words – there isn’t a lion at the cave opening. You can find a way through this.
  • Stress can give your life more meaning – That sounds counterintuitive, but Heiss explains that successful leaders view the cause of the stress as an adventure. See it as a challenge that will lead you to new understanding and growth. Looking for and finding a positive response to stress is the way to find new solutions (the classic “thinking out of the box” or getting rid of the box entirely). Heiss reminds us that athletic records are broken in competition, not in practice. We need stress to succeed and exceed. Chemically, you produce the same hormones and neurotransmitters when you are stressed as when you are excited.
  • Perceive Your Stress as Opportunity – Looking more deeply into the concept of stress as an adventure, Heiss provides the “ABC’s” of how to do it:
    • A is for Awareness – Allow yourself three minutes to feel the stress. Don’t deny it’s there. That won’t work. Name it to face it.
    • B is for Breathe – This named stress isn’t going to kill you, so the freeze, flight, fright response is unnecessary. Take a couple of deep breaths and gain control of the cognitive part of your brain.
    • C is for Curiosity – Ask yourself some questions to get moving. This is the time to look at your Core Values. What are the ideas and beliefs that you hold most valuable? The ones you need to support. If you retreat from them, your stress will only increase. What is your Mission? Will your response to the stress advance them? Check in with your PLN to see who has done this and can help.

Stress is normal in life. The increased level of stress is the new normal. We can live in the fear it causes or start seeing it as an adventure. And look for ways to welcome others on the adventure by helping your teachers see stress in a new way. They need the help as well – and it will build your relationships.

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Ending a Conversation

Our conversations are an essential component of building and maintaining relationships. Navigating them can be complicated. Last week I blogged on how to start a difficult conversation. This week, let’s discuss how to successfully end one.

We all know someone who goes on and on. Sometimes, the conversation is fun, but we don’t have unlimited time. What should you do? You have tasks to attend to. Whether it’s a student, teacher, or (yikes!) administrator you’re speaking with, cutting them off can cause hurt and damage the relationship. How can you bring the conversation to an end without impairing it? John Millen has some options in his blog post, 5 Best Ways to End a Conversation:

  1. The Time-Conscious Approach – Millen’s favorite phrase for this is, “I want to be mindful of your time” and then continue by asking them what else needs discussing at this point.” By doing this, you are making it about the other person, showing your awareness of their needs, and guiding them into identifying the key points so that you are able to end the conversation while also having the information you need.
  2. The Grateful Farewell – Look for a point in the conversation where you can say, “Thank you for what you said. You have given me something to think about.” It’s complimentary and true regardless of what you think of the other person’s ideas. At the same time, you have signaled strongly that you are exiting the conversation, while showing gratitude – something that strengthens relationships.
  3. Non-verbal Cues – We all instinctively recognize them. Millen suggests slowing your speech to indicate you are about to or want to end the conversation. This is much like our recognizing the notes that typically end a musical piece. Be cautious, however, of excess body movements which will make the speaker sense you are bored, a pointed look at your watch or phone, crossing your arms, tapping your foot. These cause discomfort and push the other person away.
  4. End on a Positive Note –A specific compliment is always well-received. Millen suggests, “I’ve really enjoyed our conversation. Your insights are really helpful.” And, if necessary, you can add, “Let’s continue this conversation at a future time.” In a few words, you have not only achieved your primary goal of ending the conversation, but you have paved the way to further build the relationship.
  5. Practice Empathy – This is a reminder to treat other people the way we want to be treated. You might be the one who is going on too long, particularly when you are passionate about the topic. Consider the difference between someone saying to you, “We need to wrap this up, I have something that’s waiting for me,” as compared with them using one of the four other possible endings. And always thank them for their time and attention.

Every interaction we have either builds or detracts from our relationship with the speaker. The fewer mistakes we make in our communication, the stronger our relationships are and the more our constituents will continue to seek us out for help and support as well as be open to when we ask for assistance.  Add the skill of graciously ending conversations to leadership tool box. It’s one more way to enhance the perception of you as a leader.

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Starting Difficult Conversations

It seems as though difficult conversations are everywhere these days. Some we get pulled into – such as issues surrounding gender, sexuality, and racism. Some we must start when these issues affect collection selection, censorship, book banning, and who decides what information students have access to. But because we are in the relationship business, and every relationship – from personal to professional – has to manage through tough conversations at some time, we must know how to handle these situations when they happen.

Sometimes our actions or words put a colleague in the position of coming to us with a sensitive topic, and sometimes we’re the ones who need to take a stand. Nate Regier, the CEO and founding owner of Next Element Consulting, a global leadership firm dedicated to bringing compassion into the workplace, discusses how to Initiate Difficult Conversations With These 4 Steps. He quotes an EDI leader for a company as saying, “We just need better ways to talk to each other right now.”  As the political climate keeps amplifying both our differences and our emotional responses, this has become more critical than ever.

Regier’ four step approach involves using “Compassionate Accountability” which he says is more than altruism or empathy. It’s rather “struggling together in a spirit of dignity.” An important factor is accountability for behavior “without repeating the cycle of violence.”

  1. Own and express your feelings without blaming – Blaming words include “disrespected,” “left out,” and “attacked.” They imply that you blame the person who did whatever triggered your feelings. It’s hard to think of what you can say in response without using those words.  First take a moment to recognize what you are feeling. Accept the emotion and say, “When I hear something like that, I feel as though I don’t matter or that I am not seen as equal to others.” As Regier says, owning your feelings without blaming them on someone else’s behavior doesn’t condone the behavior or end the conversation. Quite the opposite. It can be what starts a healthy discussion.
  2. Use discomfort as your ally – When you have expressed a biased comment to someone, and realized it after the conversation was over, there is a tendency to duck your head and try to forget it happened. But it did happen, and someone was likely hurt. Integrity means you need to own it and say something. I had a volunteer model this many years ago after using a slur against Jews. At the time, I said nothing. She left after her morning shift, but returned in the afternoon, embarrassed and apologetic. I admired her tremendously for taking the first step by acknowledging what she had said.
  3. Mind the gap; own your part – Regier says, “Conflict is any gap between what we want and what we are experiencing.” In the fraction of the moment after my volunteer said what she did, I wanted to let her know how her comment made me feel. I recognized there was no ill intent, but I was hurt. Fortunately, when she returned, we could have that discussion because she had owned her part. She faced her discomfort and our relationship was better for her actions.
  4. Awareness is necessary but not sufficient to change behavior – Awareness is an important step, but the communication that follows is even more key when it comes to doing things differently. The experience with my volunteer was been a lesson to me.  I have my own innate biases.  I work hard to identify them and shut them down before I say something, but I make mistakes. When I have done so (or know that I have done so), I immediately apologize.

Regier concludes by saying, “Compassionate Accountability is a skill that translates beyond any particular conflict or dimension of diversity. By owning and expressing our feelings without blame, minding our part in the communication gap, leveraging discomfort to move forward, and being aware enough to close the knowing/doing gap is how conflict can become transformational.”

Whether someone is coming to us or we need to initiate a difficult discussion, it is important to stay open and listen to what is being said and how someone may be hurt so that the relationship can be strengthened. It takes a great deal of time and mindful effort to eliminate our inherent, unconscious biases, but we can acknowledge and own them. Recognizing and expressing our error and vulnerability adds to our integrity as leaders – and human beings.

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I Hear You

We know the importance of building relationships. While you can start making the necessary connections by emailing websites or apps that might interest teachers, the action that results in collaboration or cooperation doesn’t truly begin without face-to-face conversations. How we handle these in person interactions can speed or derail the process.

Just as a bad wi-fi connection can interfere with hearing what people are saying on a Zoom call, the way you respond to the teachers can prevent you from hearing them – and prevent them from reaching out to you in the future. You may think you are offering help and support, but that is not what is being communicated. What can go awry and how can you prevent it?

In my book The Art of Communication, I discuss the importance not only of active listening, but being aware of the non-verbal signals you are sending when you speak with someone. Similarly, in his blog post, How to Make People Feel Heard, David Burkus recommends four ways to improve your connections and relationships. He starts with active listening then offers three other usable skills.

  1. Model Active Listening – We know how important this is, but in the moment some of us, me included, get so caught up in wanting to respond, we plunge ahead. So much for active listening. Nodding and gesturing helps, but make sure your gestures aren’t expressing “Hurry up and finish, I have something to say.” Remember, our body language speaks volumes. What can help is summarizing what you think you heard them say. Give them the space to point out any parts you may have misheard or misunderstood. This ensures any further response doesn’t include false assumptions.
  • Praise the Contribution –Burkus says, even if you disagree, let them know you appreciate their willingness to share the information or their opinion with you. Identify any points which you agree with. By showing you respect what they said, you open the way for them to take in your response. It also alleviates any tension that may be building up. This is especially powerful when the interaction occurs at a meeting, and we have an audience. Our interactions with the speaker, usually unconscious, show others how you treat people. You could be inadvertently preventing other relationships from building.
  • Challenge Assumptions, Not Ideas – In these contentious times, it’s so easy to speak out against the ideas being stated. Instead, Burkus recommends you focus on the assumptions that underlie them. This way, you are more likely to discover the thinking process that lead them to develop their ideas. You can ask questions about the assumptions. If you can, point out where there is additional information that conflicts with those assumptions, but keep it factual and as emotion free as possible. Identify any areas where you have common ground, such as, “we all want our students to be successful.”
  • Questions Before Advice – Just as we want our students to feel safe in the library, our relationships with teachers depend on how safe they feel with us. Asking questions to determine where they want to go shows we want to go on this journey with them. They might not be asking for advice. Once you know what they are looking for, then you can offer support. I once had a teacher who wanted her entire ninth grade class to research Galileo. Rather than say, “Are you kidding me?” I asked what she wanted by having the focus be on Galileo. Her response that she wanted them to see the scientific method in action led me to suggest the possibility of having them choose from a list of scientists to report on how scientists’ work showed the importance of the scientific method. Once she knew I was listening to and understanding her goals, she was willing to diversify the assignment and used Galileo as a model when she introduced the assignment.

These same rules apply when we’re building our relationships with students. We need to pay close attention to discover what they are saying if we want to truly respond to their request and make them feel safe and welcome. Be sure that the student who you thought asked for help in finding out about euthanasia wasn’t looking for information about youth in Asia.

Our leadership is always about relationships. We need to continually learn how to build and maintain them. It’s a skill that requires lifelong learning – with lifelong benefits.

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Managing Conflict

Wouldn’t it be great if we always got along? I’m not sure it would always be a good thing because everyone agreeing would mean we would explore new options less frequently. But for good or ill, we don’t have to worry about that. There will always be conflicts.

Handling conflicts requires two aspects of social intelligence: understanding your emotions and managing them. How do you normally respond when you feel attacked or judged? Do you go on the offensive? Do you try to prove you are not responsible? Or do you deflect and try to show how you were misunderstood, and that isn’t what you meant or intended?

As Socrates said, “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.”  You must be honest about your own behaviors to be able to manage the response. Remember, the conflict won’t be defused unless calm heads prevail, and it starts with you. A question to keep in mind is, “Do you want to be right, or do you want it to work?” Because, if you want to be right, it won’t work.

In her post, How Leaders Can Start Building Conflict Capacity, Marlene Chism defines conflict capacity as, the “ability to tolerate conflict without getting triggered into unconscious reactions.” She notes it requires self-awareness, which boils down to knowing yourself. Chism then offers four ways to develop the necessary capacity.

  1. Reframe Conflict – Mindset is always crucial. If you see conflict as two sides fighting each other, you are likely to focus on being right and winning. Instead, view it as a chance to explore where things aren’t working with the goal of improving the situation. A challenge almost always provides an opportunity. This disagreement provides the impetus to move forward in a better way.
  2. Get Curious – Rather than thinking some form of “Well, they’re wrong,” find out why and how they came to their viewpoint. Chism says you do this by inviting conversation with questions like “Will you walk me through your thinking?” or “I’m curious. How did you come to that decision?” This pauses the heat that is building. It also communicates your willingness to listen rather than drown out what they are saying.
  3. Expand Your Comfort Zone – When you are dealing with people with low conflict capacity, as defined by Chism, it is hard to resist interrupting them. Don’t. Let them go on. Eventually, they will lose steam. As the person keeps talking, keep your focus on listening for the core issue that set them off. It will help you respond when they get to the end of their rant, and it will also send a further message that you see them and their issue.
  4. Seek Mentoring – This recommendation is to build relationships before the crisis comes. You know which teachers have the reputation as complainers. In an organization, there are always some who don’t want to follow the leader. When you interact with these people, be sure to do your best to release what you’ve heard and connect. Get to understand them, and what motivates them. Any challenges that come – and they mostly likely will—will be less heated because of your pre-existing relationship. Don’t neglect the relationship with your principal. This connection shouldn’t wait for a crisis. Find reasons to ask for their advice and support  – and listen to it.

When you change your perspective, conflicts can become opportunities. The more you grow as a leader, the more of these you will need to deal with. Learning to manage yourself and handle these challenges are an important part of building strong relationships and part of your growth. Keep going.

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Developing Your Self Confidence

Confidence is essential to leadership. Indeed, it is virtually impossible to lead without it. Who would follow a leader who was unsure or always second-guessing themselves? Your self-confidence is evident in your voice, both spoken and written, when you propose a project. It is what helps you get out of your comfort zone and take on new challenges. It inspires others to follow you, secure in the belief that you know where you are going and will get there successfully.

This doesn’t mean leaders are arrogant or think they can never be wrong. Confidence is about the trust you have in yourself. You trust your Vision and your knowledge. You trust the relationships you have built with others, knowing they will tell you when you may have overlooked something important. According to Joel Garfinkle, you can become more self-confident by following the steps he presents in  Five Ways to Boost Leadership Self-Confidence.

1. Practice self-examination – Look at your history and the ideas and projects you launched. If you have been leading, there will be a number of them, including those that didn’t work. Garfinkle notes it may sound counterintuitive to look at failures in order to become self-confident, but we learn from our failures. What didn’t work on those projects? What did? What could have made them more successful? What should be repeated and built on? Recognize there will be failures in the future, but the knowledge you gain in this self-examination will contribute to more successes in the future, bolstering your self-confidence

2. Exercise your influence – Garfinkle urges participation in your “organization’s decision-making.” For us, this means being on committees that allow us to showcase that knowledge and expertise. It can also mean contributing at faculty meetings or offering sessions for teachers to help them use the library to support their work. When we see how others recognize our contributions, self-confidence is built. It may not seem like it, but you do have influence. You have proven knowledge and expertise in areas that others don’t have. In the relationships you have built, you have demonstrated it.

3. Motivate others – The combination of relationships and demonstrated expertise encourages others to listen to you. Garfinkle recommends developing gravitas – “the calm, open demeanor of a leader who both speaks and listens with respect and humility.”  As you live and share your vision, which should be inspiring to begin with, you will connect with others who will be motivated to become part of making it a reality.

4. Embrace personal development – As you learn and grow, so too does your self-confidence. Then you must take the learning a step further by putting it into action. Being on those committees and an active member of local, state, and national organizations serves two purposes. First, you grow professionally as you see the larger picture which affects you and your library. Second, your vocabulary changes as you incorporate your learning into how you explain an issue or project. You are now speaking with confidence and the gravitas Garfinkle discusses. It’s a process of “absorb and apply.”

5. Improve your workplace – This refers to something larger than redesigning your library. How can you make an impact on the social and emotional environment of your school? When you make the library a safe, welcoming space, you do the same with the educational community. This is a much larger and ongoing task, requiring a big vision. Garfinkle says to “work with colleagues to improve a process, reduce barriers, increase teamwork or enhance morale.” Certainly, the last is a big issue in our schools today. He notes “working with others for the good of others” will increase your sense of your self-worth and by extention, your self-confidence.

Garfinkle concludes by stating: Confidence comes from an unshakeable sense of self, which requires consistent and continued dedication to your values, goals and personal self-worth  These five steps are a progression. They won’t happen overnight but think of the rewards. Build your self-confidence and transform your community.