Posted on by hildaweisburg

Small Talk Brings Big Results

Your success is built on the strength of the relationships you have as much as it is on the programs you run and the collections you create. If we don’t know how to build relationships, we will soon be out of business. So how do we develop these relationships? You start with small talk.

Small talk is like the way plants reproduce by dropping their seeds everywhere. Most of them won’t take root, but some will. And that’s the idea. Not every short conversation will start a relationship, but some will.  Sometimes, you will run into that person again, and you continue with small talk until one day you discover it’s become something bigger.

Consider every interaction as an opportunity. But use it as an opportunity to connect, not to push your message about librarians. When you have a follow up conversation, then the opening might occur. If it does, have your elevator speech ready (2-3 sentences that explain your mission for the library). Even better — have many variations depending on what would be most appropriate in the moment.

The post by Lisa A. Beach, The Art of Small Talk: How to Connect with Strangers and Acquaintances, is a helpful guide to developing your skill at purposeful small talk. Remember, all interactions are significant because no matter their length they will leave the other person with a positive or negative impression of you.

Beach recommends that you don’t divulge too many personal details too soon. Instead, you need to look and listen for clues that the other party is interested. What information have they offered? Why are they participating in this conversation? Do they appear to be welcoming the interchange?  She suggests you “find the magic in the moment.” Enjoy the conversation without worrying if it will go further.

To get better at small talk, Beach offers the following techniques:

  • The art of making small talk more meaningful – Get the other person to talk by asking open ended questions. Are they reading a book? Wearing a scarf or piece of jewelry you like? Have a picture on their desk of a pet or family member? All of these can be a place to start a conversation about something clearly important to them.
  • Overcoming shyness in social situations – If you are uncomfortable about initiating a conversation, remember the outcome you want which is better relationships throughout your school with students, teachers, and administrators. Since small talk has low stakes, this can be a great place to gain confidence. This way when you need speak, there’s already a connection to lean on. The more you engage in these – even when you’re nervous – the better your results will be over time.
  • Navigate graceful exits – Knowing how to get out of a conversation is as important as knowing how to start one. Some people have a lot of time on their hands and can talk forever. Beach has a three-step method. First, thank them for an interesting conversation, then indicate what you need to do, and close by wishing them well.  For part one, identify something they shared that you appreciated.  This has the added benefit of showing them you were listening. It may also give you a way to start your next conversation.

Small talk may not seem important, but these brief interactions will add up to something bigger – a relationship. As librarians, we want to be someone students, teachers, and administrators come to for our expertise. Becoming that kind of trusted resource takes time. When you start with small talk you create the opportunity for more significant conversations that lead to collaborations and new successes.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Vary Your Leadership Style

Just as people have a style of speaking and dressing, so too do they have a style of leadership. This might not be something you’ve thought about consciously, but you do have a way you lead When you become aware of it, you can use the one that best support your success in a given situation.

When I’ve spoken on leadership styles, I discuss that I lean into that of Native Americans who espouse Servant Leadership. As the term suggests, this style views the leader as working for the good of the people. For school librarians, focusing on helping others be successful is a natural part of what we do.

Whatever your style is, it probably comes so naturally to you, you don’t usually think of changing it, but there are times when servant leadership is not the best for managing a situation. As leaders we need to be aware of those occasions and know what style we need to draw on to be the most effective. In his blog post, “Are You Using the Most Appropriate Leadership Style? Paul Thornton says there are three basic styles: Directing Style, Discussing Style, and Delegating Style.

Thornton defines these as:

  • Directing Style – You tell people what to do.
  • Discussing Style – You collaborate with others asking for ideas and opinions.
  • Delegating Style – You give others an opportunity to demonstrate their skills and abilities.

He then speaks with leaders in different fields (fire fighter, professor, hockey coach, minister) to explain how they use these three style in action. It’s a fascinating read to see how they each use these styles to bring out the best results for a given situation. Consider their responses along with mine to see where you use them.

  • Directing Style – This is a good one for emergency situations. You also use it when you give students directions as you begin a project with them or start a class at the elementary level. It’s the style you use when you set goals. It is also useful when there is no place for discussion.
  • Discussing Style – This is how you collaborate with teachers or learn where students are in a process. You want to make sure you hear them. Know what they are trying to achieve. It’s how you are careful not to override them. Long ago when a teacher wanted her entire science class to research the same scientist, I suggested she would get bored reading all the same information. From there together we went onto a more meaningful project. When you’re working with students, you help them discover what they are seeking rather controlling what they find. It’s the style that is essential to making the library a safe, welcoming space for all. This style can also be very effective with administrators allowing you to build a relationship with your principal. Learn what their priorities and goals are, then find positive things to share that reflect how your work supports this such as a great project students did. Spotlight both the teacher and the students for the project.
  • Delegating Style – Beth McGinnis-Cavanaugh, a professor of engineering and physical sciences, says, “Delegating requires students to take charge of their learning and performance. This approach teaches students how to advocate for themselves, ask for help, communicate, seek needed resources and work independently.” We need to give students choice and voice so they discover their own strengths and recognize they can overcome challenges. You might also use Delegating Style when working with teachers with whom you have built a solid collaborative relationship. Having them select from different resources as to where students will be “directed” to begin or creating the Essential Question for the project is empowering.

Most of you are probably using all three styles without thinking about it. However, as leaders we are most effective when we do things consciously. Consider the situation and choose the leadership style you need.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

The Emotional Pull of Procrastination

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how regardless of how busy we are, we still sometimes choose to procrastinate and do the tasks that aren’t the most important. But it’s hard to make a change if we don’t know what’s behind it. Not surprisingly, the root is emotional. No matter how well we plan, emotion tends to win over logic.

Whether you procrastinate by eating, doing non-essential tasks, or playing some online game, it’s our emotions that are responsible. Unfortunately, knowing that emotions are the root cause doesn’t mean you can simply stop procrastinating. Kathleen Davies offers some techniques for getting control of our self-sabotaging emotions in her blog post, Why We Procrastinate—And How to Stop,   She notes that procrastination is an emotion-management problem so that is what needs to be managed.

To begin to understand where your emotions are pulling you off track, start by listing everything that needs to get done (or as much as you can) and note which of these tasks are causing you stress or other negative emotions. Then pick one of those to complete along with an easier one. Once you do these, you’re likely to feel successful enough to tackle the bigger ones.

This list will also help keep you from something Davies calls procrastiworking. This is when we spend time doing the things that make us feel busy, but don’t really help our to-do list. It’s when we clean up our desks or go through our endless emails. We tell ourselves it’s work so we are getting things accomplished. It’s not the thing that we needed to get done but we still do it.

If specific action steps will help you to change your choices, Davies has four tips for beating procrastination:

  • Increase the room temperature – Research has shown that higher temperatures increase your focus.
  • Sunlight– Working where you get natural sunlight has also been shown to increase productivity.
  • Exercise during the workday – Doing it even for a short time improves memory and reduces stress while clearing your head and helping your focus more.
  • Setting a timer – Give yourself a block of time, perhaps 20 minutes, to work and allow yourself to take a break at the end.

To make a shift away from procrastiworking, first recognize that you are doing it. Next, go back to your to-do list. Identify the priorities and what steps you can take to deal with them. At the end of the day, assess how you did. To prevent it happening in the future – plan. Know how often you do it, learn to recognize it, and decide what you will do when it occurs. And notice the emotions and stress that come up before and after you’ve completed the tasks. Hopefully positive emotions can guide your future choices.

It’s interesting to note that for some people, procrastination can be useful. If you are someone who works best under a deadline, then waiting until that deadline is looming – and the adrenaline that accompanies this– can help you to be more efficient and effective. When you reach the point that you can’t put it off until tomorrow, you can’t get distracted. You have to stay focused. This doesn’t work for everyone, but if it does for you, then go for it!

But in addition to learning about where our emotions are causing us to veer off course, Davies also writes about the importance of stepping away from the task that is causing our stress.  She says, “Sometimes you just need to take a break. Go for a walk, talk with a friend, or do something that isn’t work. It’s not always worth just powering through.”

So, if reading this blog was procrastiworking for you (“But Hilda writes about libraries, so it’s work, right?”) then get back to your list. If one of the tools mentioned seems like it would support your success, go for it. Here’s to learning how to best use our time for our success.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

On the Path to More Joy

Today I’m concluding what has unexpectedly become a three-part series on joy. It seems especially fitting after a stretch of gray and rainy days where I live and the change of clocks in the United States which heralds a lengthening of daylight hours (something that personally gives me a lot of joy).

Finding and noticing joy are key to our ongoing mental health. And because our mental health affects our physical health, it has an important role to play in our ability and willingness to do the work we love. We think joy comes from an event or occurrence that happens to us. But we don’t need to wait for those moments. Last week in my blog, I shared the first five ways to bring joy into your life from 10 Ways to Find or Create Joy at Work by the Career Contessa Team. Here are the remaining five ways:

  1. Give Back – We usually think of this as volunteering, but at work it can be something as simple and meaningful as giving someone a true compliment – one that is specific to something you saw or experienced with them. Better yet write them a note so they have it to reference later. Is there someone who helped you recently? Send a thank you note (yes, e-mail is ok, but imagine how’d they’d feel getting something handwritten).
  2. Surround Yourself with (You Guessed It) Joyful People – Who are the people in your life who seem to have a zest for living? The people you can’t help but be drawn to. Find ways to see and work with them more often. The Career Contessa Team says these people need not be from your school. Your family and friends can (and hopefully do) bring you joy. Spend time with them. Don’t sacrifice joy with them to get more work done.
  3. Distance Yourself from Work Vampires – The Career Contessa Team says these are the “people who mosey up to your desk to complain, spread gossip, complain, and complain.” They delight in finding and magnifying everything that isn’t going well and suck out any joy you might be feeling. Recognize them for who they are. You may have to see them if they are your colleagues (and we have to be in relationship with everyone), but do what you can to minimize the time they take. And be sure not to agree with them. It will be added to their gossip.
  4. Find Small, New Ways to Do Old Things – Many times when we feeling down makes us yearn for change, we look to do big, sweeping things. Instead, we are often better off making small, sustainable changes to make things one step better. That can give us the momentum to continue to do more and more. Finding small ways to do old things differently can spark all kinds of energy and joy. You can also try a new approach or set up – put your desk near a window, change display areas, redo a bulletin board – and get help and input from others.
  5. Embrace You and Your Strengths – We are all unique. Our inner critic often wishes we were more like someone else. Why waste time on that.? You are you, and you bring your unique strengths to all your interactions. Seeing that what you bring is special and important can help you rekindle the joy for what you do and how you do it. The Career Contessa Team concludes with fun exercise. First, list five of your strengths. Complete this sentence for each one: I am (your strength), and it matters because ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­________________.

Now you have ten ways to find and create joy in your life. I have found that joy is contagious. The more joy you bring into your life, the more you will notice and the more you will attract people who want to be with you. Knowing that joy is something you can reach for and find whenever you need it is very empowering. And feeling empowered supports your work, your leadership, and everything you do. As well as creating more joy. Don’t think of it as secondary – make joy a priority and see the amazing results of your efforts.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Bring Back Your Joy

Do you wake up each weekday eager to get to work or dreading it? Have you started counting the days until your retirement? Somewhere along the way, your joy has drained out, and each day is a grind. Two weeks ago, I blogged on how to Rediscover the Joy in Your Work. I shared five tips then, but we need all the help we can get.

Most of us can handle the usual stress of the jam-packed life of a school librarian. It’s the added tensions of the scrutiny and suspicions of what we do, why we do it, and how we do it, that are siphoning off much of our love and passion. Our students, teachers, and our administrators need us to continue to bring our joy when we help and work with them. Which is why I was pleased to find the blog post 10 Ways to Find or Create Joy at Work from the Career Contessa Team.

The team prefaces their advice by asking, “What if you have tried, and your work holds no joy?” They then proceed to answer their question. Here are their first five suggestions:

  1. Identify Your Core Values + Beliefs – As a school librarian you embrace the Core Values of Librarianship from ALA. You also share the six Common Beliefs in the National School Library Standards. Beyond that, what are your beliefs? Write them down (try to keep it to no more than five so you don’t get overwhelmed).
  2. Find Ways to Infuse Your Core Values into Your Work – Take this identification to the next step by journaling by listing some ways you bring your core values and your beliefs into your day. Look at what you wrote and congratulate yourself for making a difference each day. Take in how these values make you feel. There is joy there.
  3. Make Time to Laugh + Share Laughter – We have only to look at the number of comedies set in challenging situations to appreciate the power of laughter. It has even been scientifically proven to be good medicine. Look around = there are funny and ridiculous things that happen everywhere. If you look for it, you will find it. And when you find it, you can share it.
  4. Share New Ideas – This is natural to school librarians and a wonderful place to find joy. We are curators. The ideas don’t need to be library or even school related. I just shared on my School Librarian’s Workshop Facebook group about a school district that is bringing inclusion into the community by having one school lunch each week be from one of the diverse communities represented in the area.
  5. Start a Club – It could be for students, but it can be for teachers. Your club should be something that you like to do, but it need not be a book club. You might do one on gardening or knitting or some ways to contribute to the school or outside community. Your club can be ongoing or have a limited duration. It forms connections, builds relationships, and makes everyone feel better. Something for people – including you – to look forward to. Instant joy!

Becoming joyful about being a school librarian shouldn’t be one more task. Pick one or two from the list and try it on for size. If it’s not you, pick something else. Let me know if you want me to share the remaining five. And in the meantime, I hope you’re able to find more joy and bring it to your work and life.