Do you give yourself credit for all you are accomplishing? Our days are jam-packed. Many of you stay late to complete tasks that can’t fit within the regular school day. By the time you get home, there are more things that need to be done. You are tired, cranky more often than you like, and are feeling worn out. And as it is now November, you’re facing getting ready for the holidays.
We are experts at finding fault with ourselves, but it doesn’t help us do better. More often it becomes a type of self-sabotage because these thoughts make us believe we are failures. Too often we speak to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to another, focusing on our weaknesses and believing everyone else does or achieves more. Of course, this isn’t true. We know we have had successes, but when all we can hear is the negative self-talk, none of that matters.
So I ask you again – Do you give yourself credit for all you are accomplishing? Probably not. You are
most likely mentally beating yourself up with “Should Have” and “Could Have.” You should have gotten more done. You could have if only you were more organized. If only… you fill in the blank. I’m sure you have a list. What would support us better is go through the important process of deciding what priority, what isn’t, and do what we can to stop listening to the rest of the noise that’s distracting us.
Kristin Hendrix reminds us of the power of self-talk in her article Words Matter, Choose Carefully. We tend to be aware of that with others, but don’t treat ourselves with the same consideration. As goal-driven people, we have a lot of “need to’s” in addition to the “should have’s” and “could have’s.” It’s important to take a realistic look at what you have been saying to yourself and consider whether it’s really true.
Very often, negative self-talk is a story we tell ourselves, and it keeps us from focusing on what is important and remembering where our strengths lie. Hendrix suggests you begin by looking more closely at the “need to’s” that have been swirling around in your brain and ask yourself – Is this true? Do you really need to do it, or is it something you would like to do? Is it a priority? What level of importance does it have – honestly?
If it isn’t a high priority, you might not need to do it. If it is, then take the time to look at why you haven’t made the commitment yet. Is fear behind it? If you’re unsure if you can do it, maybe you need a mentor. Or if the project is too big, perhaps you can delegate part of it. Be honest with yourself and get you’ll find it easier to either move forward or delete it for good.
How many times do you say, “I should…?” Unless you figure out if this is true, you will continue saying it and make yourself feel unworthy because of it. Should you exercise more? Take a course related to librarianship? Maybe the answer is yes, but the answer could be ‘not yet’. Whatever it is, do your best to be honest (and kind!) with yourself. Too many times things are on the list because we’ve bought into the belief that they should be (ironic, yes?) on the list. They aren’t our priorities yet we’ve taken them on. Taking the time to look at the truth then accepting what’s true for you can go a long way in stopping the negative self-talk.
Hendrix notes that we complicate this problem by saying we don’t have time. We can’t because we’re too busy. As I have written in past blogs, this, too, is a story we tell ourselves. It has an element of truth as we are exhausted by the time we fall into bed (or long before we fall into bed), but it’s far from the whole truth. When something is important and we know and can feel why it is important, we take the time to do it.
For years I said I should exercise. I didn’t. When I made it a priority, I was able to fit it into my life and it’s off my “should have” list. I also make it a point to turn off my computer by 6 p.m. each day. Maybe I should continue. If I did maybe I could have finished the task. But turning the computer off is the priority because it gives me the time I need in the evening to be with my husband and do other things for myself. And I don’t think about those “should have’s” or “could have” because I’m clear about my priority.
Do I manage to stick to my priorities every day? No. Some days I goof off. Too many games of Klondike (my weakness as you know). But I have learned not to beat myself up for it. Rather than fall into negative self-talk, I know there’s a chance I needed the day off, and I can get back to my priorities tomorrow.
The golden rule of treating others the way you wish to be treated may need to be revised. We need to treat ourselves the way we treat others. We are much more understanding of the shortcomings of others than we are about our own self-styled failures. Be good to yourself this week. Notice where the negative words are draining you. Take a breath, look for the truth, and let the rest go. Honor yourself and your priorities, leave the shoulds and coulds behind, and – one more time – give yourself credit for all you are accomplishing.