Practice Positivity

Has anyone else had a moment (or two or three) of wanting to smack the next person who says, “We need to stay positive.”? I’m sure I’m not alone in being frustrated with the phrase, but I also know that it can not only be an important part of leadership, but can be a way to help ourselves and others.  

What is positivity?  Healthy Place cites the Oxford English Dictionary definition as “The practice of being or tendency to be positive or optimistic in attitude.” It’s not what you are born with, although some people are naturally optimistic. Calling it a practice means it is something you can learn.  Somehow, we need to find a path and make choices that give us the strength to push through with an encouraging attitude.  After all, we are leaders and therefore people look to us to lead the way. 

Leaders project confidence.  That is the first step toward positivity. We have seen a number of leaders during the pandemic do this.  They don’t pretend all is well.  They acknowledge problems exist but also highlight what can be done and how there is a way forward. This positivity on their part inspires confidence in others. Suddenly all is not bleak.  It’s not perfect, but we will get through it.

To do the same for the people you lead, reflect on what techniques you used to build your confidence. Recall previous successes. Remind yourself of your areas of expertise, your skill sets, and the leadership qualities you have.  Add anything that helps you.  Putting on makeup and dressing nicely is something I do decades after retiring. It gives my confidence a boost, which helps with whatever I have to do.

In his Edutopia article How to Lead with Positivity Matthew X. Joseph notes, “Positive leadership is not a topic of conversation just because of Covid-19, but the drastic shifts we’re all facing due to the pandemic are reminders of just how important positive leadership strategies are. Shifting from the difficult and challenging to the positive and inspiring brings out the best in ourselves and others, and that’s how things move forward. He goes on to write. “… positive leadership makes a difference in productivity, satisfaction, and happiness at work. Leading with positivity also helps to build trust among colleagues, and it becomes safer to open up to change.” Practicing positivity will not only help us through this difficult time, but it sets us up for future success. We need to come out from this pandemic stronger than before, not only with a seat at the table, but at the head of the table (or close to the one who is). 

There are several “why’s” behind the importance of practicing positivity. Keeping them in mind gives you additional motivation to continue. The optimism in positivity is contagious.  You lift people up, and they lift up others. Another benefit is knowing when you are optimistic, your resilience increases. (See my November 30th blog.)

Joseph also notes that optimism promotes problem-solving for individuals and groups.  In the word of the old truism, “If you think you can, or you think you cannot, you are right.”  By bringing your positivity to the various teams you work on, you improve their attitude and their ability to solve problems.  This in turn makes you a valued member of the team.

As an additional contributor to an upbeat mood, remember to celebrate all wins, big and small, personal and professional.  We need all the celebrations we can get. Celebrations make people smile, and we definitely need more smiles.  Even when we are masked, the eyes are smiling, and the happiness is there.  Celebrations increase optimism, which increases problem-solving resulting in more celebrations.

Be confident and courageous. Your teachers, students, and administrators need what you bring. You have done it before.   You are a leader who is becoming a bigger leader.  And the positivity you bring and encourage today will lead to even greater benefits as we head into the future.

ON LIBRARIES: Should Have – Could Have

Do you give yourself credit for all you are accomplishing?  Our days are jam-packed.  Many of you stay late to complete tasks that can’t fit within the regular school day.  By the time you get home, there are more things that need to be done.  You are tired, cranky more often than you like, and are feeling worn out.  And as it is now November, you’re facing getting ready for the holidays.

We are experts at finding fault with ourselves, but it doesn’t help us do better. More often it becomes a type of self-sabotage because these thoughts make us believe we are failures. Too often we speak to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to another, focusing on our weaknesses and believing everyone else does or achieves more. Of course, this isn’t true. We know we have had successes, but when all we can hear is the negative self-talk, none of that matters.

So I ask you again – Do you give yourself credit for all you are accomplishing?  Probably not. You are

most likely mentally beating yourself up with “Should Have” and “Could Have.”  You should have gotten more done. You could have if only you were more organized.  If only… you fill in the blank. I’m sure you have a list. What would support us better is go through the important process of deciding what priority, what isn’t, and do what we can to stop listening to the rest of the noise that’s distracting us.

Kristin Hendrix reminds us of the power of self-talk in her article Words Matter, Choose Carefully. We tend to be aware of that with others, but don’t treat ourselves with the same consideration.  As goal-driven people, we have a lot of “need to’s” in addition to the “should have’s” and “could have’s.”  It’s important to take a realistic look at what you have been saying to yourself and consider whether it’s really true.

Very often, negative self-talk is a story we tell ourselves, and it keeps us from focusing on what is important and remembering where our strengths lie.  Hendrix suggests you begin by looking more closely at the “need to’s” that have been swirling around in your brain and ask yourself – Is this true?  Do you really need to do it, or is it something you would like to do?  Is it a priority? What level of importance does it have – honestly?

If it isn’t a high priority, you might not need to do it.  If it is, then take the time to look at why you haven’t made the commitment yet.  Is fear behind it? If you’re unsure if you can do it, maybe you need a mentor. Or if the project is too big, perhaps you can delegate part of it.  Be honest with yourself and get you’ll find it easier to either move forward or delete it for good.

How many times do you say, “I should…?”   Unless you figure out if this is true, you will continue saying it and make yourself feel unworthy because of it.  Should you exercise more? Take a course related to librarianship? Maybe the answer is yes, but the answer could be ‘not yet’. Whatever it is, do your best to be honest (and kind!) with yourself. Too many times things are on the list because we’ve bought into the belief that they should be (ironic, yes?) on the list. They aren’t our priorities yet we’ve taken them on. Taking the time to look at the truth then accepting what’s true for you can go a long way in stopping the negative self-talk.

Hendrix notes that we complicate this problem by saying we don’t have time.  We can’t because we’re too busy. As I have written in past blogs, this, too, is a story we tell ourselves.  It has an element of truth as we are exhausted by the time we fall into bed (or long before we fall into bed), but it’s far from the whole truth. When something is important and we know and can feel why it is important, we take the time to do it.

For years I said I should exercise.  I didn’t. When I made it a priority, I was able to fit it into my life and it’s off my “should have” list. I also make it a point to turn off my computer by 6 p.m. each day. Maybe I should continue.  If I did maybe I could have finished the task.  But turning the computer off is the priority because it gives me the time I need in the evening to be with my husband and do other things for myself.  And I don’t think about those “should have’s” or “could have” because I’m clear about my priority.

Do I manage to stick to my priorities every day?  No.  Some days I goof off.  Too many games of Klondike (my weakness as you know). But I have learned not to beat myself up for it.  Rather than fall into negative self-talk, I know there’s a chance I needed the day off, and I can get back to my priorities tomorrow.

The golden rule of treating others the way you wish to be treated may need to be revised.  We need to treat ourselves the way we treat others.  We are much more understanding of the shortcomings of others than we are about our own self-styled failures. Be good to yourself this week. Notice where the negative words are draining you. Take a breath, look for the truth, and let the rest go. Honor yourself and your priorities, leave the shoulds and coulds behind, and – one more time –  give yourself credit for all you are accomplishing.