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Getting Others to Work With You

You are only recognized as vital to the school community when others know what you do – not what they think you do. And best way to make certain you’re better known and understood is to have a cooperative or, even better, a collaborative relationship with teachers. Then a peer becomes and ally.

With some faculty members, it’s easy. Others use the library as little as possible. In elementary school, they drop off their students and depart for their free period. In the upper grades, they bring their class to complete an assignment without you and don’t want your help. Somehow, you need to reach these uninterested teachers. If your past suggestions have been ignored, what can you do?

In her article, How to Get Genuine Cooperation from Difficult People, LaRae Quy provides a five-step approach for those in the business world to solving that challenge. Here are her steps, with my suggestions for those of us in education:

  1. Remember, our first reaction is to not collaborate – The teachers with whom you don’t have a natural connection likely feel they know their job and don’t need you to help them to do it. Quy’s suggests reaching them through a common interest. What do they care about? Email them about a resource or article that focuses on it. Follow up with one that says you hope it was helpful. Offer to work with them on a learning project on the topic. Ask them how they would like to structure it. Accept their approach, adding, as necessary, “we could also…” as a way to show how you can support them.
  2. Control facial responses – Not only do we communicate verbally, in print, and digitally, we also communicate silently with our body language. Our facial expression sends a message. Is your concern, disinterest or disdain visible? You don’t want your face to show that you think the teacher’s approach is not nearly as productive as it could be. Your negative silent message will carry a greater impact than your verbal positive one.
  3. Share personal stories – No one knows better than librarians how stories build connections. You might share memories about learning that topic when you were in school and any impact it had on your life. Figure out your story in anticipation of this conversation to keep it natural. Hopefully, your story will bring out one from the teacher. Now you have a new common interest and connection you can build your relationship on.
  4. Refuse to let it escalate – Should you get a strong negative response to any of your suggestions, keep from answering in the same manner. If you do, you have lost the possibility for any cooperation now or in the future. Quy offer saying this as an alternative, “I see how you feel (or think), but here is another way to look at the situation…” Start by acknowledging their reaction. It’s not easy to do in the moment, but knowing the importance of keeping your cool will help. (And work on controlling your body language and facial expressions.)
  5. Appeal to higher moral ground – Find a shared common value and speak to it. For example, you could say, “We both want our students to be successful not only in their studies but in becoming lifelong learners in an ever-changing world.” Common beliefs build connections, and connections build relationships.

The first time you try this with a teacher, it might not work and it may feel uncomfortable because it’s new. Collaboration might not come naturally for you either, but that’s not a reason to stop. Try again in a few weeks. Don’t give up. It’s too important. You can do it. You are a leader and have overcome obstacles before; you will do it again. The results – and the ripple effects to other teachers – will be worth it..

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Feel Well – Do Well

The old expression “Make time to smell the roses” is about slowing down to enjoy what’s around us. It is also, in fact, a prescription for improving your mindset and your productivity. Much has been written about the importance of self-care and its effect on how you feel about yourself.

Have you noticed when you go outside, your body posture undergoes a slight change? Your shoulders go back, and your vision seems to expand as you leave the confines of indoors and screen viewing. These outward physical changes are the manifestation of the chemical changes going on in our bodies. The effects of the chemicals our bodies produce can be negative or positive. Having too many episodes of negative chemicals flooding out bodies can affect our short- and long-range health.

Not surprisingly, the converse is equally true. In her article Fuel Well-Being to Transform Your Leadership (email sign up required), Marlene Chism discusses different positive body chemicals and how we can produce them. She goes on to show how producing these chemicals regularly boosts the quality of our work.

It is wonderful to know that the following chemicals are within your power to produce:

Serotonin- keeps you calm and in a positive mood. It helps you as a leader by keeping you from mood swings and acting impulsively. You make better choices and stay focused. You produce Serotonin when you:

  • Exercise regularly – Choose something you like so you will do it. Incorporate it into your regular routine and enjoy the many benefits.
  • Practice gratitude – This can be a simple addition to include in your routines. It helps to maintain a daily record, digital or print, of what you are grateful for, but even taking a moment in your day can benefit your serotonin levels.
  • Walk in nature – Get out. Find a place to get outdoors, breathe fresh air and, hopefully, grass and trees. If this is a challenge because you live in a city, look for a park you can go to.
  • Get sunlight – Another challenge for workers with long commutes or during the short daylight hours (and cold!) of winter. Do the best you can when you can.
  • Eat serotonin-rich foods such as turkey, eggs, seeds and nuts – Yes, even your diet can support this. No wonder these are considered healthy foods.

Dopamine – The feel-good neurotransmitter. Low dopamine leads to a lack of motivation and tiredness. Feeling overwhelmed and easily distracted can be caused by low dopamine levels. When you have a good balance of dopamine, your creativity increases, and you have a sense of positive achievement. All so necessary for leaders in stressful times. You produce Dopamine when you:

  • Eat Omega-3 foods like fish – Once again, eating healthy is beneficial in more ways than you knew.
  • Exercise regularly – A double reward for exercising – dopamine in addition to serotonin. Your exercise needn’t be for very long. Consistency is what is important.
  • Get enough sleep – Always a challenge in our over-filled days. Treat yourself as you do your children by developing a bedtime routine. Read yourself a story.
  • Listen to music – What music fills you up. Maybe lullabies can be part of your bedtime routine. Shift to music instead of news on your car radio, or at home. Or, after news…. This will give you that dopamine boost.  
  • Set and achieve small goals– Robert Collier said, “Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day and day out. Reaching small goals makes you feel successful. Poof —dopamine! When the goal seems out of sight, it feels unattainable and hard to sustain. See the small steps as the big win they are.

Oxytocin – Chism calls it the “bonding chemical.” It helps in making connections, feeling empathy, and building trust which are all essential for building relationships. You produce Oxytocin when you:

  • Spend time with friends – The importance of this explains why the isolation we experienced during the pandemic was so damaging to many.
  • Express appreciation – Say thank you and mean it. Send a text or email. Even better, send a handwritten message, being specific.
  • Get a massage – A great reason to treat yourself. You can be good to yourself and build your leadership bonding chemical at the same time.
  • Listening – We have recognized the importance of active listening. It’s hard for many of us. Practice it when you spend time with friends.
  • Share a meal – Go out for a meal with friends and include serotonin- and dopamine-rich foods to eat.

Knowing the importance of these chemicals in your body and how you can produce them can give new impetus to you and your leadership skills. It’s fun to think that being a great leader is a matter of chemistry – and feeling good.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

What is Your Body Saying?

We are in constant communication. When alone, we communicate with ourselves by what we’re thinking, whether it’s a negative assessment, a positive mindset reframing, or a review of what is next on our to-do list. But non-verbal communication happens as we interact with others. And all the time.

A teacher greets you in the hall. At a barely conscious level, you access your history with them. Do you have a good working relationship? Is there one you are trying to establish? Have they been resistant to your previous outreaches? You also note how they look. Upbeat and happy? Tired? Annoyed?

While you are receiving this non-verbal message, the teacher is receiving your non-verbal message. Do you know what your body is saying? All of this occurs mostly without conscious thought, but that doesn’t make it less impactful. And when you begin talking, these non-verbal messages affect the response you are likely to get.

 As a leader, it’s important to be aware of how and what you communicate. I wrote about the many types and ways we communicate in my book, The Art of Communication: A Librarian’s Guide for Successful Leadership, Collaboration, and Advocacy (Libraries Unlimited, 2022) (currently less expensive in print than in Kindle!). I addressed our library world, of course, but the business world is also discussing the importance of understanding the many channels of communication we use.

Cheryl Robinson tackles the topic in her article, “What Your Body Language Says About Your Leadership Impact.” She notes, “Research underscores that body language has a greater influence on perception than verbal language alone. Positive, consistent body language reinforces trust and authority, while incongruent or negative cues may lead to misinterpretation or distrust.” Robinson goes on to detail how and what you are communicating.

Key Elements of Leadership Body Language

  • Body Movement – How are you sitting and standing? Fidgeting doesn’t send a leadership message. Sit up. Hands relaxed. A meeting with your principal or an upset parent is the most likely time to stay aware of this.
  • Posture – Shoulders back. Don’t slouch. It sounds obvious, but if you are not conscious of where your body is in space, you may he hunched over or low in a chair without realizing it.
  • Facial Expressions – Looking interested is important, but don’t overdue do it. Be animated, but not false. Faking it can be seen and negatively interpreted.
  • Space/Distance – Each of us occupies a physical space that extends beyond our body based on our size and culture. Too near is intimidating. Too far shows disinterest. Be aware of what you are doing and the (dis)comfort of those around you.
  • Gestures and Eye Contact – Open gestures are inviting, but too much gesturing is distracting, taking away from your message. You’ll seem frenetic and anxious. Maintaining eye contact shows trust and confidence (although be aware of cultures that consider it intrusive). Smiling genuinely is always positive.

I’d also add to this list: Listen attentively. Pausing before responding shows you paid attention to what was said.

Think of the best leaders you know. What do they project? How do they do it? Robinson states, “Maintaining a strong yet inviting presence is essential to conveying leadership effectively.” As leaders and librarians, we are in the relationship business. Being aware of what we are communicating enhances our ability to build these relationships. Know what messages you are sending and become a more effective and connected leader.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Get Your Principal to Hear You

Does this sound familiar: You know what you want to make your program even more successful, but the resources necessary aren’t in your budget. You constantly hear how tight money and resources are. Is there any hope for your plans?

Yes, there is. While it’s true that budgets are notoriously challenging, there is always money somewhere. It just needs to be juggled. The skill you need to find some of this money directed at you is getting your principal to see why the funds should go to the library. Ande the best way to do this is to develop a positive relationship with the principal – preferably before you need the money. It will help immeasurably, but it is possible even if you haven’t.

Before going to your administrator, know exactly what you want and are asking for. This is not the time for vagueness. How much money is involved? Will the money be needed immediately or will the costs come in stages as the project continues? How much time is needed? Will there be anyone else involved at any point?

When you have your “ask” down pat, and you are ready to put into motion, try using Karin Hurt’s four-step approach in her article, Career Advice – How to Advocate for Yourself at Work.

  1. Connect with Empathy and Consider Their World – Your principal doesn’t have an easy job. They have the Superintendent’s list of demands. Parents can inundate with complaints. They handle the most difficult discipline issues with students. The list goes on. Just like you, your principal has goals that are important to them. Be sure you know what they are. You can figure out what it is based on what they bring to faculty meetings and other statements they make. Use your awareness of what they value and need in your opening sentence. Let them know you share these goals. As you present your “ask,” point to how it will further them.
  2. Speak Their Language – Principals and Superintendents have a language just as librarian’s do. Use words and phrases which are part of their working vocabulary. Make it a point to check the articles in Principal, the journal of the National Association of Elementary School Principals (NAESP) or Principal Leadership, the journal of the National Association of Secondary School Principals. In addition to what you learn in meetings and emails, this will give you important clues as to what concerns your principal. In reading the articles, focus on recurring words and phrases. These are part of your principal’s language. Incorporate them in your discussion with them.
  3. Consider your Timing – In my experience, this should come first. You don’t want to see them on Friday afternoon when they’re mostly thinking about wrapping up the week and looking forward to getting home. Monday mornings are likely far too busy. Check with their secretary to find the best time. They know the principal’s schedule and work mode best. When possible, schedule these over the summer. That is when they have the most time and are looking towards what can be achieved in the upcoming school year.
  4. Own the Outcome – Sometimes the answer is “no.” That doesn’t mean forever. Don’t give up. Listen carefully to why your request is being denied. Then go back and re-work your plan. Perhaps it can be broken down into more than one year. Is there a way to get donor or grant funding? Maybe there’s a new goal that you can support with this same project. When you have refined your alternative proposal. Re-schedule a meeting. Let the principal know you heard what they said and understand the validity of it. It’s harder to turn you down a second time. Additionally, by coming back you have demonstrated the plan’s importance.

Remember this truism:

  • All libraries, no matter their type, are part of a larger hosting body.
  • All libraries, no matter their type, get their funding from the hosting body.
  • That funding is dependent on the needs and wants of the hosting body.
  • Those needs and wants are determined by the hosting body, not the librarian.

Leaders master this truism and know how to define their needs and wants in terms the hosting body, in this case, the school system, value. Your principal is part of the same hosting body – and is closer to the needs and wants. Make sure your asks support their needs and the money is more likely to be found.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Becoming a Great Leader

Which one of these have you heard before?

  • Leadership is a never-ending journey.
  • If you are not growing, you are dying.
  • Good is the opposite great because if you think you are good, you will never be great.

These have been touted so many times that they have become dulled in our minds. But they are adages because they contain truth. As a leader, you can never be complacent about your achievements. Yes, be proud of what you’ve achieved and all that it took to get there, but this doesn’t mean you can stop working hard. There is always more.

Another aphorism can be your next step: Leaders don’t make followers. They make more leaders. The more school librarians who are leaders, the greater our overall impact on our school communities and on the larger local, state, and national communities. Yes, national. Thinking big is important. We need to have the national communities see school librarians for the vital role they have in education and our students’ future.

This means finding ways to bring up other leaders. In an article, Rena Harvey presents 5 Ways Leaders Can Unlock Their Potential to Inspire Others. She notes that, “becoming a great leader requires self-awareness, continuous learning, and a commitment to personal growth.”  To do so, Harvey says you must work on these five areas: understanding your core values, developing emotional intelligence, embracing lifelong learning, fostering resilience, and cultivating a vision that inspires others.

Understanding Your Core Values – Reflect on both your personal core values as a librarian as well as the ALA Code of Ethics, the Library Bill of Rights, and AASL’s Common Beliefs. Our values ground and support us as leaders, guiding us as we make decisions and choices. There is strength in knowing other librarians are holding the same values. Because they are always present, others know who you are and what they can count on from you. It shows your integrity and that of the profession.

Developing Emotional Intelligence – We are in the relationship business. Our emotional intelligence is part of what allows us to communicate effectively with others and build relationships. People respond to us because we “see” them. It helps us make decisions as we understand how it will impact others. Harvey adds that your emotional intelligence allows you to stay calm under pressure and respond to challenges with a clear mind rather than reacting impulsively.

Embracing Lifelong Learning – We are role models for lifelong learning. Anyone who has been in the profession for five or more can look back at our careers and see the many changes. We have embraced the challenges and changes, teaching ourselves when possible and seeking other ways to become proficient in the changes. We have adapted, pivoted, and helped our students, teachers, and sometimes administrators in finding their way in our ever-changing landscape. And we have looked for feedback to improve and refine that learning.

Fostering Resilience – An integral part of the changes we have had to make is becoming more resilient. We hold to our core values to anchor us. We draw on our librarian colleagues and state and national organizations for help. They strengthen us like the giant redwood trees whose shallow roots are interconnected with others, allowing them to grow to great heights in the face of high winds. Despite the challenges, we work on having a positive mindset, remembering the importance of self-care.

Cultivating a Vision That Inspires Others – I am always inspired by AASL’s Vision – “Every school librarian is a Leader; every learner has a school librarian.” In essence this blog is my contribution to inspiring other school librarians to be leaders – and great ones. Review your vision to ensure it’s big, showing your commitment to a better tomorrow. Visions are about what it would be like in a perfect world. No, you will never attain it. You are not supposed to. It’s working toward it and inspiring others to join you in your journey.

We are living in difficult times. Fortunately, you are all leaders and together we will meet the challenges of our roles and our audience. Each day we have the opportunity to find at least one way to be a stronger leader and inspire others to do the same.

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Know Yourself

Socrates said, “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” You might think the answer is obvious, We know what we stand for. We are aware of our strengths and weaknesses. But Socrates was, unsurprisingly, referring to more. And when we develop this self-awareness we are better able to develop stronger relationships and be recognized for the leader and innovator that we are.

In her article, Why Self-Awareness is Essential for Success in Every Leader, LaRae Quy answers her question and provides steps necessary to achieve it. She says, “An effective leader is a person who takes responsibility for what is going on inside of them so their reactions do not sabotage them. This self-awareness helps them discover what lies beneath the surface of their lives so they can recognize and regulate behaviors that don’t set them up for success.”

To develop this level of self-awareness, Quy proposes the following:

  • Understand our life story – Our life story is made up of everything that has happened to us, the good, the bad, the challenges we have faced and how we dealt with them. We have woven this into a narrative of our life. It created our career choice and is a deep part of our passion. It is our “Why” for what we do. Quy asks you to:
    • Look at how your childhood and adolescence have affected your direction and how you see yourself.
    • What situations bring out your natural leadership?
    • How do you deal with challenges and failure?
    • What have you learned about yourself and others from this?
  • Encourage honesty – In this self-reflection, you must go beyond your construct of yourself. Look back at the experiences that made you the person you are. Some are rooted in your childhood. Many of mine result from an adolescence where I had difficulties in fitting in (I found a home in books!). Failures include not being rehired after my first year on the job as a librarian. Quy asks you to see the “patterns beneath the emotions, thoughts, and behaviors” that get in our way today and then ask: “What triggers them?”
  • Build trust and credibility – This is the reason behind the need for self-awareness. When you are completely honest with yourself, people perceive you as trustworthy. Trust is the foundation of relationships, and we are in the relationship business. Knowing ourselves allows us to accept and own our mistakes and see how we can best use our strengths. It also makes us willing and able to recognize the strengths in others and help them become leaders. Quy recommends listing three things that are good about you, three things you feel improvement, and ask three trusted colleagues to do the same about you. (Scary, but worthwhile!)
  • Improve decision making – When you truly know yourself, you are aware of your biases and which stressful situations will trigger your emotional responses. You know the root of your fears and can factor them into your decisions. Quy recommends you “stay curious, question your assumptions, research things you need clarification on, and relevant questions of people who are more experienced on the topic than yourself or hold a differing opinion.”

We navigate difficult waters these days. A heightened self-awareness will allow us to become better at working with our students and colleagues and deal with the negative barrage that is hitting us. We need the wisdom Socrates said comes with knowing ourselves. So many are counting on us leading the way.

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The Chance in Change

Whether or not we like it, change is a constant. Generative AI is advancing with incredible speed. Politics has invaded the school library. The turnover of principals and superintendents has been dramatic. Sometimes the old refrain “stop the world, I want to get off” seems to be a great idea. Fortunately, that isn’t an option. As school librarians we are well equipped to handle the rapid changes in technology and are comfortable making the adjustments. But changes in personnel or new regulations? Those are more difficult to embrace and manage.

So what are the tools of managing change? In her article, Embracing Change: A New Leader’s Imperative, Karen Carey offers advice to the business world on how to manage change. They apply to us as well.

  • The ever-changing landscape – Carey notes “understanding the fluidity” of a landscape is crucial. She quotes Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella, “Don’t be a know-it-all; be a learn-it-all.” Fortunately, librarians are lifelong learners. We need to translate that mindset into our daily practice. Use your PLN to fill in what you don’t know. Be aware of what’s happening in your community and have the resources from ALA on hand to deal with any upheavals that occur. Start building a relationship with your new principal who may have radically different ideas about the library or no interest in it. Learn the ways to recognize AI generated work.
  • Embracing the uncomfortable – At some point, you may find that you need to see the bigger picture. Leaving your comfort zone is a necessary part of change. Look for new things to try or groups to join, including your state organization or even AASL.
  • Learning from failure – The fear of failure keeps us from leaving our comfort zone. We teach kids that failing is part of the learning process, but we must embrace this in ourselves as well. It will happen. Your successes will far outweigh your failures if you work on growing.
  • Tech in leadership – Your teachers may be having trouble dealing with the changes in tech. By helping them cope and learn, you strengthen your relationships and build new ones. Developing a collaborative or cooperative project will ease their way and further the perception of you as a leader.
  • The challenge of transition – Find ways to work with new personnel. The new principal may be a concern to staff and is undoubtedly dealing with their own uncertainty. Invite them to the library. Share brief (they don’t need to be overwhelmed) information you have on trends or any issues they might be interested in based on comments they have made. And don’t engage with the teachers who consistently make negative comments about the change. That doesn’t make for strong relationships.
  • Cultivating the agile mindset – According to Carey, this involves “building deeper human connections, continuous learning, and the ability to unlearn behaviors, beliefs and values. It’s about capitalizing on new opportunities by staying open to different perspectives and embracing change as a constant force for progress.” In essence, this speaks directly to our strengths since we know building relationships and finding new ways to deliver our Mission is vital for the success of our program.

Remember, we are not alone. People everywhere are struggling to cope with change, but changing is the only way to grow. The world keeps growing and, uncomfortable or not, we must grow with it. And as leaders, we have no other options. Embrace change as part of your leadership journey.

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Rediscover Your Passion

I have been hearing more often from librarians who are so stressed they are considering early retirement. Given the hostile political climate and its impact on many schools and communities, this is more than understandable. Most of you became school librarians because you were passionate about the differences you can make and the important role school librarians play. When you can’t follow that passion, what do you do next?

Your students and teachers need you to be fully present and engaged in what you bring to learning and growth. That means being as connected as possible to your commitment. In Alaina Love’s article, Are You Sacrificing Passion to Fit in at Work?, she discusses the changes that can be necessary to accommodate our work environment and help us reconnect to what matters most.

To get back to your passion while still being able to fit your environment, Love identifies ten passion archetypes: Creator, Conceiver, Discoverer, Processor, Teacher, Connector, Altruist, Healer, Transformer and Builder, saying we all have at least three. We are at our best when we work from them. Once you know your key archetypes, Love poses looking through that lens and answering these four essential questions:

  1. What is the most essential work you can accomplish to ensure success now and in the future? Think of your Mission Statement. It’s your Why. How have you been dealing with it? It may need some tweaking, but it’s your purpose and your perspiration. By that I mean it’s what you are working toward accomplishing in all the tasks you do and the responsibilities you have.
  2. From which activities do you derive the greatest fulfillment and how can you be more directly engaged in those activities? Is it creating a learning activity with a colleague? Perhaps it is in the one-on-one contacts with students whether guiding them in the research process or finding that perfect book for them. Do you love finding new tech resources and apps and sharing them with teachers? There is a long list of ways you connect with your school community that give you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. Look for ways to identify them.
  3. What behaviors are you demonstrating at work that are misaligned with who you are? Have you been so upset and stressed that you are no longer reaching out to teachers? Have you been brusque with students because there isn’t enough time in the day to get everything done? Have you unwittingly been telling yourself that teachers are too busy to care about that new app? Make sure you’re doing what you can to build relationships even with colleagues who may have ideological differences.
  4. What do you want to be remembered for by those you’re closest to? When you do retire, what do you want your administrator to be grateful for? What do you hope teachers will still continue to do because you introduced it to them? When students return, what would you like them to say to you about the impact you had on their time in school? Would you want to be remembered for the person you are today or the one you used to be?

You need to be the leader you were and still are underneath all that stress, frustration, and anger. Reflect on all you have to offer and re-ignite your passion for what you do. Don’t let outside forces take that away from you. Consciously bring back that passion you started with and you will bring back your best. You are too important to your school community to be less than that – and your own mental health will benefit from being aligned with you living from your values.

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Your Body Is Talking – Do You Know What It’s Saying?

We are communicating constantly. Because our communications go beyond what we say, write, and text, in my book, The Art of Communication: A Librarians Guide for Successful Leadership, Collaboration, and Advocacy (Libraries Unlimited, 2022), I devote a whole chapter to the “Silent Messages You Send.” We can never forget that our bodies speak for us as well.

Our posture, the position of our arms and legs, and the full range of our facial expressions are all conveying a message. Most of the time, the non-verbal message is, hopefully, aligned with what we are saying. Sometimes it isn’t. When we are uncertain, we are prone to sending mixed messages which can push our audience away and inhibit trust.

Those mixed messages are more likely to occur when we are giving a presentation. Whether we are teaching our colleagues about a new tech app or speaking at a state or national conference, we are nervous. We might have some stage fright. The Imposter Syndrome kicks in. And now you are facing your audience. If your body is apt to be telling your audience how uncertain you are, you won’t be able to get your message across as clearly as you want. This is where practicing in front of a mirror or even taking a video can help. Be honest about what you see and soon you’ll be more comfortable.

One of the things that can benefit your ability to connect with whomever you’re speaking to (whether an individual or a group) is supporting gestures that correspond with what you are saying. Is learning this worth the effort? It is according to Frankie Kemp. In his blog article (you’ll need to sign up for SmartBriefs to read it), he describes these seven Unexpected Ways That Gestures Can Up Your Leadership Communication:

  1. Become more trusted – Based on studies, including an analysis of TED speakers, those who used gestures were trusted more, People saw those who didn’t use them as cold and logical. You would think being logical would be good, but audiences want and need to connect to speakers. Additionally, I think they are also reacting to that mixed message. Your body is indicating uncertainty and stiffness. The message becomes: Why should they listen to you?
  2. Dispel nervous energy – Hand gestures that correspond to your message give you something to do to keep them from shaking. Meanwhile your messages are in sync.
  3. Be more succinct – You won’t need as many words when your verbal and nonverbal messages are in accord. This gives you more time to interact with your audience, improving the quality of your presentation.
  4. Increase problem-solving capacity – Suppose someone in your audience asks a difficult question. One of the easiest ways to draw on your expertise when you answer – is to move. According to Kemp, studies show we problem-solve better when we move. While you are doing so, you are also taking in more of your audience and maybe standing more directly in front of the person who asked a question, making them feel seen.
  5. Increase your self-confidence – In another study, it’s been shown that positive posture (head up, shoulders back, spine straight) not only affects the viewer but has an important impact on the speaker. Testosterone goes up and cortisol (stress hormone) goes down; your self-confidence automatically lifts. If this feels new or uncomfortable for you, practice your posture-pose before presenting. You might want to do so before a meeting with your principal, too.
  6. Achieve more credibility and presence – Kemp points to research showing those who use hand gestures and had more frequent eye contact with the audience (as opposed to darting around) and were more trusted. From what I have experienced, it is also because the gestures send the same message as the words.
  7. Be seen as fair – When making eye contact, don’t focus on the same few members of the audience. That can send a message of excluding people. According to Kemp, it can even be seen as a micro-aggression. Allow your eyes to sweep the attendees, resting on different people each time.

As a leader, there will be many occasions when you must speak professionally and when it’s important that your message be received. Whether before an important individual or a group of teachers, parents, or fellow librarians, you need to become comfortable in these situations. Be mindful that you are always communicating and work to send the consistent, clear messages you want.

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Getting Positive Results From Difficult Conversations

Whether it’s with an administrator or a colleague, there are times when you are in opposite corners about how to do something. Ignoring the issue won’t make it go away—and will likely make things worse. When it’s an administrator, you might be seen as being insubordinate, which can cause severe consequences. In the situation with a teacher, your avoidance will hinder future collaboration and having a positive working relationship.

The conversation must happen. The results depend on how you approach and plan it. Go in knowing you won’t get everything you want, but that’s not the objective. Your goal is to make it work, not win an argument. Going in with the intention of winning is a guarantee that you won’t get a result that works.

In her article, Use the “Magic Wand of Destiny” to Get the Desired Outcomes, Kathy Stoddard Torrey puts forth a five-step approach that I believe can be very effective in helping you achieve the best possible results from these difficult conversations.

  • Define the Outcome – What is it you want to achieve and what are different parts of that goal (because remember, you’re not getting everything). Know what you need most. What will make the situation feel best for you? You’ve been told to close the library for several periods to allow for a meeting of the leagues Athletic Directors (ADs), but this restricts usage for others. A teacher wants students to use only books from the library for a project.
  • Create the Proper Space- Since you are initiating the conversion after learning about the challenge, you set the tone for it. An adversarial opening will not get the result you want. In dealing with the principal, you want to open with, “I will definitely give the ADs the space and time they need.” With the teacher, you can start with, “I want to fully understand your planned project.”
  • Ask Curious Questions – Show interest and willingness to help. These are people you want and need to work with. Ask the principal to let you know how many ADs will be coming. How often do they meet? Do they vary their meeting location? Ask the teacher, how many class periods will students be researching in the library? How does this project fit into the larger unit? What resources will they need and for how long?
  • Listen to Their Solutions First – Knowing what the other person expects can help you form your responses. In my examples, you and the library are the solution, so restate them to let them know you recognize what they want. For other situations, when the whole thing wasn’t spelled out in advance, let them explain how they expect to go about it. Continue to ask questions to be sure you have really understood what they want. Sometimes, in those answers, you can find a new solution. Once they have finished, propose your modifications. Ask the principal if you really need to close the whole library. Perhaps you can have a privacy screen around where the ADs meet, and classes can continue as scheduled. Show the teacher one particularly pertinent database and suggest it be offered as well, so students get used to taking notes from print and digital resources.
  • Ask Yourself: Does It Matter? – Choose your difficult conversations wisely. You don’t have to reach your desired outcome all the time. If accepting the recommendation or request doesn’t compromise your ethics, you might strengthen the relationship best by not asking for changes to their original request. When you go along with their plan, it can be a step in building the relationship.

The better you get at managing tough conversations, the stronger you become as a leader – and the more confidence you will gain. In the current education and political climate – in the US and abroad – there are more difficult conversations happening. We all need to work on not letting them become adversarial.