Posted on by hildaweisburg

Are You Being Defensive?

Last week I wrote about the importance of listening. Somtimes listening is most significant when what’s being said is not something you want to hear.

Whether it’s intended as criticism or feedback, how do you respond when someone says something negative about you? Most of us immediately rise to the defensive, although some go on the offensive. Neither is the best course of action. The word “immediately” is the cue. Anytime we react without thinking, we are apt to make a mistake. Responding from our emotional first reaction is in gear is likely to produce a damaging result.

Whether it’s an administrator, teacher, student, or parent who made the comment, as a leader you want to be seen as someone who respects what others say. It doesn’t mean you agree with them, but you also don’t want to attack them. A defensive response is an attack, as its purpose is to invalidate what the other party said. And a relationship damaged by defensiveness can be hard to repair.

Lolly Daskol shares How the Best Leaders Overcome Their Own Defense Mechanisms. These five ideas, coupled with my comments, can keep you from reacting in the moment,

  • Cultivate self-awareness–Use your Emotional Intelligence (EI) to prepare you for these situations. No one likes to be criticized, but it happens to us all. Daskol suggests you recognize what your triggers are and how you are likely to react. Whether the comments came in a one-on-one or where others were present, your response will affect how people see you as a leader.
  • Make room for acceptance–One of the best tools a leader can have is the ability to pause. Settle yourself mentally. Take stock of your feelings. Daskol says to accept them without judgement in order to respond in a way that will move you forward with this person and continue to build on your relationship.
  • Hold yourself accountable–You may not have liked what you heard, but was it true? It may have been presented in a way that was hard to hear but listen for the message. While the method of delivery may have caused your trigger response, there is likely a kernel of truth in what is being said. Leaders take responsibility for their actions and learn from their successes as well as their setbacks.

Thank the party for calling your attention to a potential problem. Your open way of handling the criticism may even lead to developing or deepening a relationship. After, Daskol recommends you reflect on how you handled the situation. Did you respond reasonably? Remember, you can’t control how others think or behave, but you can control yourself.

  • Break the code–Rising to your own defense is natural. It’s a survival skill that animals as well as humans have learned. However, we are not fighting for our lives here, and the ingrained behavior doesn’t serve us in this instance. It takes work to change an automatic response, but it can be done. Starting with becoming more self-aware of how you react in these situations will help in resisting that immediate response and allow you to behave in a productive way.
  • Lead from within–Every time you avoid a deep-rooted response and substitute a thoughtful one, you grow as a leader. In addition to self-awareness, EI requires self-management. Leaders need to continually build their EI. It makes others see them as trustworthy and empathetic to their needs.

None of us will never like being criticized, and a voice in our heads will always rise to our defense. The object is not to let the criticism derail you. By moderating your response, hearing what the other person is saying, and responding appropriately, you will continue to be seen as the leader you are and want to be.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Listening is Leading

When we ask someone “Are you listening to me”, we’re typically expressing our exasperation. We don’t feel as though what we’re saying is being heard, and that’s frustrating. But what about the reverse? Are we really listening to what others are saying? And are we listening to ourselves?

Active listening, like emotional intelligence, is an important skill to master. So many messages come at us, verbal and unspoken, it can be hard to focus during a conversation. However, the skill is too valuable for our leadership and for our lives in general not to work at getting better at it.

Learning to listen opens the door to expanding relationships, which is key to our ongoing success. In Nine Practices All Leaders Share, Dr. Alan Patterson shows what can be built by improving your ability to listen. Some of his advice is more of a reminder, but reinforcing the basics helps you reach the next level in your leadership. Here are Patterson’s recommended practices, annotated:

  1. Listen with Intent—Focus on what is being said, not the answer you plan on giving. It’s about respect. If you can, use restating to keep you on track and let the other party know that you think what they said matters. It’s an early step in relationship building.
  2. Ask Probing Questions—After listening, go deeper to increase connection and understanding. “Could you explain?” and “Why?’ take you past restating and opens the discussion. A good leader needs to know the concerns and issues of those they work with, whether it’s teachers or students.
  3. Study People—Listening includes reading body language and other non-verbal cues. Be careful about the implicit biases and judgements we all make. You need to see and listen to what the person inside is telling you. It’s not easy, but it is a skill worth developing. Patterson adds that as you get to know a person, you learn what is important to them.
  4. Share observations about the broader horizon with your team, colleagues, and senior leaders—Share your Vision and how you think it can become a reality with teachers and administrators. Contact teacher friends who you think would be open to trying something new and collaborate. School vacation is also the best time of year to have a meeting with your principal and outline your path for going forward. Listen for their responses so that you can see how your work will support them as well.
  5. Look for opportunities to engage in a dialogue—Have conversations that are not only about work problems or situations. Patterson recommends asking “how” and “why” questions to better understand what people need and want. Relationships, connection, and advocacy grow when your colleagues see you are aware of and responsive to their needs. Knowing who your colleagues really are–including as people outside of school–develops the relationships critical to your success. And when they answer–listen with intent and ask probing question.
  6. Practice translating a project or concept into the language of the audience—We do this all the time when we are teaching students. Use the same thinking process when making a presentation to a group, whether it’s parents or a grade/subject meeting. This is not the time for “library language.” What do they already know? What do they need to know? Why? What do you want them to do as a result? Using language that everyone understands makes people feel included and allows them to listen to you better.
  7. Translate vision into individualized responsibilities for your team members—Whether it’s students or teachers with whom you are collaborating (or cooperating) with on a project, be sure all concerned know who is doing what. This will show that you’re listening to what they need and that you’re available if they need help. And be sure to acknowledge their work to the principal.
  8. Trust that your success is based on your ability to create the conditions for other to succeed—You need feedback. That is an important part of listening. Ask in such a way as to get an accurate response. “What did you think of the project?” is not likely to get any helpful feedback. “What could I have done better?” or “Was anything missing?” will get the discussion started in a meaningful way. And listen to the responses you are getting. Receiving feedback builds trust.
  9. Focus on impact and meaning—Reflect on your week. Where did you make a difference? Where do you want to go next? Go an extra step. Ask others where they saw themselves making a difference–and listen to their answer.

Listening is at the heart these leadership skills. It’s also at the center of building the relationships you need to be successful as a leader in a school. Take the time to listen to others and yourself and you will find yourself making a greater impact.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Get Your Motivation Back

Finally, it’s summer break. Time to recover and rejuvenate. And to get your motivation back. You need the time to recover, but summer will slip away before you know it. First, take the time to relax, and then set a date to get yourself ready for the fall so you can bring your passion back to your job.

Need some ideas to spark your motivation? Eric Barker gives some great advice in his article How to Stop Being Lazy and Get More Done – 5 Expert Secrets. While being stressed and exhausted is more our issue than being lazy, his tips will work to help us get on track for a successful school year. Here are his 5 with my usual comments:

  1. Define Goals Properly – Barker recommends four steps to get clear on your goals.

Frame goals as an “end” not a means –By identifying what we want to get, we don’t focus on the boring, “don’t feel like it” steps. We want our goals to excite us, not feel like an added burden.

Keep goals abstract – Rather than focusing on the “How” something is going to get done (more inline with SMART goals), think about your “Why” as you write them.

Set “approach” goals, not “avoidance goals – Keep it positive. Don’t focus on the negatives, such as not doing something. Be aware of the outcome you’re working towards. Bonus points for being clear about how this aligns with your Mission and Vision.

Make goals intrinsic, not extrinsic – Don’t make this about what you think you should be doing. What is it you want to be doing? What excites your passion? Creating a goal from this adds to your ongoing motivation.

2. Set a Target – This is where you can be specific. By when will you start? When do you want to finish? What are some of your target numbers – students reached, modules completed, teacher collaborations. Be clear on the steps you wish to accomplish. And as an additional recommendation, make the steps small so you get lots of wins along the way. The goal and a target together support your motivation.

3. Monitor Your Progress – Keep track of all the targets you achieve. It spurs you on. This is why I keep a Success Journal next to my computer. You can create a spreadsheet, keep a log, reward yourself. Whatever works, so you see the steps you’re taking.

4. Beware the Long Middle – Life is a marathon and so are goals for the school year. As the days go by, it can get harder to keep pushing through, and this is where you can lose that motivation. Every so often, pause and note how much you have accomplished. Barker recommends you “shorten the middle.” If you’ve been tracking progress monthly, switch to weekly. If weekly, switch to daily. The extra boost will help. When you are past the midpoint, look ahead and note how close you are to your goal.

5. Think about Your Future Self – This is an important shift that allows you to look at the bigger picture. Baker writes that thinking about our future results allows us to make better choices in the present. Reflect on the difference between how you’ll feel about yourself if you keep putting off the hard work rather than going for something you are passionate about.

Wherever you are on your summer break, this is a short reminder that you can have fun and still be productive. And when the school year does begin again, these five tips can keep you going. Recovery is important. But set a date to get motivated for fall. Put it on your calendar. Set an alarm. The important thing is get started.

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Communication Channels

Every conversation is an opportunity, yet many are wasted or don’t use the best channel for a particular communication. With our limited time, we can’t afford not to use these interactions to get the maximum possible benefit.

In looking at these different channels, keep in mind that the underlying purpose of any conversation is building relationships. When we get to know people better and allow them get to know us, ties are forged, and future advocacy developed. As a leader, particularly in these times, you need all the supporters you can get.

Joel Garfinkle focuses on 5 of The Most Effective Communication Channels at Work. Each offers a different opportunity. The challenge is to know which one to choose for a specific purpose and what you can accomplish.

In Person – This gives you the best opportunity to learn more about the other person. You have a host of non-verbal cues, including body language and even appearance, to help you understand and communicate. In Person is the perfect channel to meet with your principal or other administrator (as long as your principal knows the meeting is happening).

Summer is the ideal time for this meeting when your principal is less harried, and there is less likelihood of interruption. This meeting is especially important if you have a new principal. Your past achievements don’t count.

This is the time to learn their vision, what they want to achieve, and a perception of libraries and librarians. Share your mission and vision and spin it to show how you and the library can support their goals. Use your knowledge of body language to recognize when it’s time to bring the meeting to an end. It’s best if you can do this before the principal does. Change channels and follow up with an email — or a handwritten note—thanking them for their time and highlighting one important take-away.

Video Communication – We have all become Zoomers. Within the school setting this isn’t used as much as now that we’re back to in person classes, but it offers some interesting possibilities.

If you are fortunate enough to have several librarians in your district, a Zoom meeting can help in unifying how you deal with similar challenges. While not the same as in person, it does help you to get to know your colleagues better and build those relationships. You lose some ability to read body language and eye contact isn’t as clear, but it’s a good start. Consider this channel for reaching out to the public librarian.

Phone – These are best for shorter, more direct conversations. Garfinkle recommends you check at the start to be sure this is a good time to talk. The phone is best used for setting up an in-person meeting or reporting in on something. Be specific, clear, and quick. Stay focused on your purpose. You might want to have notes to keep you on track. Follow up with a confirming email. Without any visuals to guide you, listen for verbal cues to hear if the person sounds rushed or background noise that hints at distractions.

Voice Mail – Sometimes this is the only option. You called and the person didn’t pick up. Be prepared to leave a succinct and clear message. Identify yourself and, if necessary, give your preferred call back number. Repeat that at the end of the message – slowly. Keep your message focused on the reason for the cal. Garfinkle advises if you are not prepared to capsulize the reason for your call, hang up. Get your thoughts together then try again. Smiling as you talk will help you sound upbeat and increase the chances of being called back. Your tone is your most important signal in this method.

Email – Although Garfinkle likes this channel the least, it continues to have its place as long as you are aware of potential pitfalls. The first rule is to keep it brief. People are busy and often don’t read all the way to the bottom. They are also often checking on their phones and so are reading on a small screen.

The next rule is to proofread, particularly if it’s an important communication. Spelling errors have a negative impact on you and your message. Also check to be sure your language is clear and is unlikely to be misconstrued. Obviously, this is not the place for sarcasm and emojis aren’t appropriate in the work environment. All you have are your words in this form of communication – no tone, no inflection. Clarity is key.

Before hitting “send,” make sure you haven’t included people who shouldn’t get this message in the “To” section. A “reply all” can get you in trouble. We work so fast, it’s easy to make these mistakes. If it matters, take time to get it right.

Knowing the best channel for initiating conversations is an important leadership skill. Don’t waste or miss your opportunities to reach out and build those vital relationships.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

How Strong is Your SPINE?

The recent rise in book banning and attacks on school librarians have made our already stressful lives even more so. Dealing with challenges – or anticipating them when preparing a book order— has been something school librarians have typically faced alone. But the nation-wide organized campaign has taken the issue to a much more intense level.

ALA, AASL, and many of our state library associations have joined with other groups to respond and defend intellectual freedom and freedom of access to information. The resources on ALA’s Fight Censorship page keep growing. But at some point, it’s one school librarian making a choice that will impact their lives and the lives of their students. Until recently, that private decision didn’t stress or threaten job security for most school librarians. Today, we are all in the crosshairs, and the stakes are higher than ever. How do you decide?

In Leading with SPINE, John Baldoni presents the following acronym to guide you in taking stock of how strong your spine is, and possibly what you might want to do to strengthen it.

Strength – Are you standing up for your beliefs? Speaking out? This is one of the hardest things to do. Silence is consent, but voluntarily choosing to put your beliefs out in the open, leaving yourself open to attack is scary. Look for others who do it and stand with them. Speaking out as part of a group is easier and helps you build that strength.

Principle – Baldoni equates principle with your purpose. What is your Mission? Are you acting in a way that furthers or hinders that Mission? He quotes Confucius, “To see what is right and not to do it is want of courage, or of principle.” Your choices need to be in support of your Mission whenever possible.

Integrity – Integrity is always cited as a core leadership quality. It describes who you fundamentally are. You keep your word and behave justly. It’s living with a moral code. Politicians and companies are often accused of not having that moral compass that guides their decision-making when they act only in their best interests. What is your moral code, and how do you live up to it?

Nurture – This is a great addition which refers to developing others’ capabilities. Leadership is not about creating followers. It’s about creating more leaders. You need your spinal strength to help them grow strong and take on the risks of leadership. It also includes nurturing yourself. What are you doing to grow as a librarian and a leader? Who are you learning from?

Energy – Being a leader is hard work. It requires Vision, self-reflection, and assessment. It means not being satisfied with doing a good job but looking to do a better one. With so much of library ethics and core values under attack, we need to keep growing and learning. Becoming more knowledgeable about how to get the word out and build advocates will strengthen our spines. Build and create momentum that will help carry you through the challenges.

Our spines hold us up, physically and metaphorically. To be spineless is to not have the courage to do what we can when we can. Being a librarian takes courage. Although we are stronger together and getting stronger at dealing with the book bannings, the reality is there will come a point when it’s just you making a decision for your library potentially taking a huge risk as you take a stand. Hopefully, we can all do our best to strengthen our SPINE.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Dealing With Avoidance

Procrastination and avoidance may look outwardly similar, but their internal differences need to be recognized. Procrastination can be healthy, such as when used to give your brain a rest. Yes, it can be overdone, but normally you get back to the task. Avoidance has few positives. It refers to something you know should and must be done, and you keep doing other things hoping it will go away. It could be a dreaded task or a conversation you don’t want to have. At its core, it is a form of denial.

We cannot not avoid most big things in life. Avoiding something doesn’t make it go away, and often makes it worse. And it looms in our minds adding to our stress. Leaders need to face the tough stuff.

In his blog post, What Are You Avoiding, Gregg Vanourek lists what we most commonly avoid, why we do it, and the problems caused by avoidance. He concludes with a list of 14 ways to stop doing it. They are brief, and many you have heard before, but they are worth reviewing and recognizing.

  1. Recognize our avoidance behaviors—but without beating ourselves up over them – You can’t deal with a problem unless you recognize it’s there – and is a problem. Whether it’s choosing less important tasks until you have used up all available time or waiting until you are in the right frame of mind, there is a pattern for you. Be honest about it.
  2. Seek their root causes (continue asking why until there’s no deeper why) – There are reasons for our behaviors. What are we afraid of? Do we fear we can’t do it? If so, why do we think that way? Our brains try to protect us, but sometimes they prevent us from developing further.
  3. Engage in relaxation and self-care activities such as deep breathing, meditation, yoga, gardening, art, or journaling – These can be key ways to understand what you uncovered in the first two steps.
  4. Get support from a friend, mentor, therapist, and/or coach – Support is a great means of dealing with a tough problem and getting past avoidance definitely qualifies. Reach out to the people who will talk you off the ledge and help you get back on track.
  5. Process emotions by talking them through with someone or journaling – Similar to the previous one but focus on the underlying emotions, not just the actions. Emotions are powerful controllers of our behaviors. The journaling or talking will help you identify them and see how they are getting in your way.
  6. Divide the problem into smaller, more manageable chunks – Once you can see both the behavior and the emotion behind it, chip away at it by breaking it into manageable steps.
  7. Start with an easy task to get momentum and small wins- As you divide the task, look for the small pieces you can start with. Early victories create momentum.
  8. Give ourselves motivations, such as rewards for accomplishing tasks – Acknowledge the achievements as you take these steps, no matter the size. It will keep you going.
  9. Reframe a situation to note the positives and avoid focusing only on the negatives – What are the positive emotions you’re noticing as you take these steps? Look for these rather than how far you have to go (remember #1 – don’t beat yourself up!)
  10. Change our inner monologue, quieting the negative self-talk – The words we use when we talk to ourselves are extremely powerful. Give yourself a break. You are getting there.
  11. Practice communication skills, including assertive self-advocacy – Speak up for yourself. We frequently avoid difficult conversations and topics, including advocating for what we need.
  12. Set deadlines and goals to commit to action by a certain time – Set a “by-when.” Make sure it’s realistic. Without that you are more likely to continue to avoid.
  13. Build action and proactivity habits, training our brain and helping us become a “doer” – Knowing your best time of day for getting big jobs done is the first step. Do the next small chunk then and celebrate you win.
  14. Recognize that doing something we’ve been avoiding can feel amazing, giving us a sense of agency, accomplishment, momentum, and confidence – It is liberating. That looming elephant that you have been pretending not to see is gone!  You are ready to take on the world.

You are not the only one who has avoided doing difficult things. It’s human nature. But if you keep dodging them, you don’t build the self-confidence you need to draw on to be the leader your students, teachers, and administrators need you to be.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

The Sound – and Benefit – of Silence

We live in a noisy world. Throughout our waking hours, noise, information, background sounds and beeps, dings, and other signals of incoming messages on our phones, tablets, and computers assault our brains. We’ve become so accustomed to it that we don’t realize the toll it’s taking on our mind and body. Schools are out, or nearly so, across the country. We need to take a break from all the noise and luxuriate in silence, at least for a little while. Silence allows us to recuperate, reflect, and rejuvenate.

Justin Zorn and Leigh Marz offer insight into the issue in this article, and their new book, Golden: The Power of Silence in a World of Noise. Using five key insights, they move us through recognizing the scope of the problem to finding a solution that fits us as individuals.

  1. Silence isn’t just the absence of noise–The statement made me pause—and in essence that is what true silence is. It’s the full stop that has us being solely in the moment. Zorn and Marz say it is, “the experience of pristine attention, the space where no person or thing is making claims on our consciousness.” Can you recall a moment of such silence? Frequently, the moment was provided by the natural world. It could also come from reading a perfect sentence that stops you from going on. Sometimes, it’s a deeply spiritual moment. Whatever it is, the world comes to a halt, giving us a gift that’s important to recognize and cherish.
  2. The world is noisier than ever—in our ears, on our screens, and in our heads. Just as many of us lose a lot of time to being stuck in traffic, so to do we lose time figuring out what we were up to before phone call or other noise interrupted us. According to the book “Researchers have found that most people switch between different online content every 19 seconds, and the average person spends one full hour per day working to get back on track after interruptions from phones or social media.” In addition, the mental conversations we have–frequently negative self-talk–are another distraction. All of this noise makes it harder for us to stay focus and take time for what we most want to be doing.
  3. Noise is our society’s most celebrated addiction. We measure and celebrate progress based on what is being produced. Silence adds nothing to that measurement. We have forgotten we are human beings. We are all about being human doings. These moments of pristine attention are not valued. If not valued, we move to the assumption that we shouldn’t waste time with it. And in so doing, we have missed the true value attention and silence bring to our well-being.
  4. To get beyond noise, look beyond the typical rules and tools of mindfulness. We have all been advised and even trained in bringing mindfulness into our lives. While mindfulness has brought improvements into our lives, most of us find we are not managing it well enough. Instead, even knowing that mindfulness helps, we’re more distracted than ever. While there is no one size fits all solution, Zorn and Marz offer this recommendation –“notice noise, then tune in to silence.” Be aware of those great moments of pristine attention. What grabs you is different from what does it for others. Enjoy what moves you.
  5. The simple act of listening to silence can regenerate our brains. The duo quote Pythagoras, “Let your quiet mind listen and absorb the silence.” According to Duke Medical University researchers, listening to the silence promotes neuron development. How wonderful to discover that silence is productive.

Get out in nature, Contemplate art. Sit with your coffee and your thoughts. Learn where your moments of silence occur and seek them out. Silence is truly golden.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Procrastination – Good, Bad and Ugly

We have too much to do, not enough time to do it, and still we procrastinate. Why do we let ourselves waste time and get off track? Despite resolutions to focus on the tasks at hand, somehow, we find something to divert us. How can we change this and when should we?

First off, there is a good side to procrastination. Our brains need rest. If we have been tackling a complex or a boring job, when it’s through we need to pause and give our brains a chance to shift. Additionally, we need different types of thinking depending on the task. That said, the pause shouldn’t last an hour. Once we go to our procrastination of choice, we tend to linger there too long. Time gets sucked away and we are upset with ourselves.

Procrastination becomes “ugly” when we use it to avoid a task. Instead of diving in and taking a break when we complete it or come to a natural resting spot, we put off starting. By the time we get to it, we are annoyed with ourselves and are not bringing our best to the job.

How can you manage procrastination so you can use it in good ways and avoid the bad and ugly ones? Amanda Pressner Kreuser presents 5 Easy Tricks to Beat Procrastination You Should Start Today. Here’s the list, along with my adaptations for our world.

  1. Be realistic about your bandwidth. There’s always too much to do. When facing the stress or overwhelm of a big project, you are apt to try clearing your deck of the little tasks, but these don’t move you forward and your deadlines loom closer, adding to your stress. Instead, prioritize the larger tasks based on your availability and look for ways to do the smaller things at a later time. If at all possible, delegate so that you can still enjoy checking things off without having to do them yourself. For example, if you feel pressed to get a cart load of books shelved, make a sign suggesting students look over these recent returns for  a suggestion of what to read next.
  2. Break up large projects or deadlines into small tasks. The old advice works best. Chunk the project up into workable tasks. This way you get a sense of accomplishment as tasks are completed, and your project gets done on time, or even early. An added benefit is that you have a chance to review what you have done as you tackle each new part making it more likely that you’ll find ways to improve and streamline your plan. If you use my telescoping (visualizing the full project), microscoping (focusing on what needs to be done now), and periscoping (popping up every now and then to be sure you are aware of upcoming tasks as deadlines), you will stay on track and keep stress levels down.
  3. Put time blocking into action. Our brains need a pause. Kreuser says studies show we need a break after 90 minutes. Don’t fight against this. Instead, plug this into you schedule, then set a timer and stay on task until you reach that pause point and stop. If you are on a roll, make yourself a note that will help you get you back to where you were when you stopped. What to do during the pause? Moving is one good choice, reading for pleasure could be another. But whatever you do, set a timer for however long you plan to take. This way you won’t fall into the bad aspects of procrastination.
  4. Eliminate distractions — or at least put them on pause. This one is tough. In the library people are always coming in, and you must do what you can to respond. Eliminate the ones you can such as keeping your phone on mute so you are not tempted to respond to it. If you are working from home, let partners and children know when you’re busy. Tell them when you will be ready to talk and ask them to wait until them. If you have a door you can close, post a sign for when you will be “available.”
  5. Reward yourself in small ways. We are naturally motivated by positive reinforcement so make a plan for this with each successful milestone. Take the reward you earned. Do a Wordle or other computer game. Physical activity is always a good change after doing a mental task. Take a walk. Plan a trip to your favorite coffee shop. Then set up the next task and the next reward.

Caveat emptor. Don’t expect this to work every day. Some days you end up going down the procrastination rabbit hole. Somedays will have more unexpected interruptions than others. You are human. Be compassionate. But the better you are at learning to manage procrastination the less stressed you will be, and we all need that.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Managing Frustration

You know the feeling. The internet is down just as you are setting up for a lesson. You had the item in your hand, put it down some place, and now you can’t find it. The secretary called to say the principal can’t make the meeting you had scheduled to discuss a project after you spend days preparing.

You just want to scream.

Worse, as frustration and anger fill your mind it becomes almost impossible to figure out what to do next. Now, with so much waiting to get done, you are frozen in your tracks. Your self-talk is turned up to a litany of negative phrases. This is too hard. Why am I even trying? No one cares. It goes on.

So here you are again. The new challenge is to get past the emotional turmoil as quickly as possible and tackle the tasks at hand. John Mattone in How Leaders Can Control Their Frustrations with Team Members, offers sound advice to the business world. Much of what he says applies to us as well. It all goes back to managing our emotional response to whatever has triggered the frustration.

First Mattone discusses the importance between Reacting vs. Responding – When you react, you let other people or situations take control. A leader needs to keep that from happening. is instinctive. Responding is proactive and puts you back in control. Look at the obstacle that has caused the frustration. Is it a permanent situation or is it temporary? If it is permanent, work on alternate means of achieving your ultimate goal. If it is merely a postponement, consider how you might make good use of the unexpected time.

In order to respond rather than react, it’s important to be aware of:

  • Emotional Control –When emotions are ruling you, your cognitive thinking isn’t functioning. It’s not about ignoring or denying your frustration or the connected emotions, it is, as Mattone says, being aware of the emotions and not letting them rule you which is “proof that a leader has mastered self-awareness and is emotionally intelligent.” When frustration rises, pause. The age-old advice for anger is to count to ten. A pause is vital. Take a deep breath. Acknowledge the emotion. That will reduce it immediately. Then, once you’re thinking clearer, begin the process of how you are going to handle the situation.
  • Understanding Emotions – Emotions are an important part of our lives, giving us feedback as to what is working and what is not. When positive emotions are present, your self-talk is encouraging and you acknowledges your ability to make things work. You are also more supportive and positive with the people around you. The sooner you understand your emotions, the sooner you can respond (not react) and work effectively with those around you.
  • Preparing for High Stress Situations – They are going to happen, and they’re rarely (unfortunately) predictable. Accepting and anticipating the inevitability of these situations will help you to respond rather than react. Accepting means when one occurs you say to yourself, “here it is again.”  Not in high emotion, but with understanding. Anticipating means you have identified potential obstacle that may interfere with your plans and/or work flow so that when it happens, you’re as ready as possible.

The better you are at dealing with the frustrations inherent on your job and in your life, the more people will see you as the calm in a storm. It allows others to see you as a leader. And hopefully will lead to fewer frustrations in the future.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

The Curious Importance of Curiosity

From the moment of our birth, we are curious. It is how our brain has programmed us to survive. Babies touch, explore, and taste to learn and understand their environment. Toddlers interminably ask questions. But too often, in the quest for grades and good scores on high-stakes tests, the urge to satisfy curiosity is overwhelmed by the need to produce the right answer. Albert Einstein famously said, “It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.” And knowing the right answer is not a preparation for life.

Correct answers say you know what has been done before. Innovation and growth come from thoughtful questions, and not questions which can be answered with a Google search or by asking Alexa. In fact, they might never be answered, but the pursuit will bring new knowledge and understanding – and perhaps more questions.

How can we apply this in our work as librarians and to ourselves? In our super busy lives, our own curiosity has been diminished. Who has time to go down a research rabbit hole (curiouser and curiouser, indeed) to explore a topic of interest? And yet, curiosity is how we continue to learn and grow. It feeds us intellectually in a way food does intellectually.

To satisfy our curiosity, Diana Kander suggests we cultivate Deliberate Curiosity. Being deliberate connotes focus and mindfulness. She proposes 3 Questions CEOs Should Ask to Practice Deliberate Curiosity. Answering these questions can speed up our growth and help us achieve our goals. You may not think of yourself as a CEO, but when it comes your library, your role as the one guiding and standing for the Vision and Mission makes you just that. Kander asks us to consider:

  1. What are your blind spots? We have become more aware of having blind spots as we look at our implicit biases, but we have many more places where Kander says there are “gaps in how we see the world.”  If you’re curious where yours are, try asking for feedback. Frame your questions to give you honest, worthwhile answers. Don’t ask teachers if your collaborative lesson went well. Ask what you could have done better, what they learned, or where they struggled. Ask students which part of the lesson they liked – and which they didn’t.
  2. How will you know what’s not working? Kander refers to the advice often given to authors to “kill your darlings,” and labels projects that yield far less than the effort that goes into them as “zombies.” Do you have a favorite unit or project you look forward to every year? When was the last time you revisited it? If it takes a lot of time but isn’t giving you the results you need, it could be a zombie. Your administrator assesses you each year, but you need to do a self-assessment. Have you fully integrated EDI into your program? Do your programs support your Mission statement? Do stakeholders know what ethical principles are foundational to your program? How well are you communicating with all stakeholders? Answering these kinds of questions will help you get curious about what is and isn’t working.
  3. How do you create accountability? We have become far too accustomed to doing things alone. As the African proverb states, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”  You need a mentor, or, better yet, mentors, a professional learning network (PLN) and other supportive resources. Get curious about where you can reach out and talk to leaders. Think of the people in your life you trust. You’ll want even more than feedback from them. You want to bounce ideas off them and hear their suggestions. And you want them to hold you to your goals once you set them. They’ll also help you get curious and creative about how to improve by asking what is missing that needs to be included or what is new that should be and hasn’t been incorporated. Schedule regular time with these mentors. It doesn’t have to be long, and it could be monthly or done with a check in of some type. The important thing is to be accountable to them – and yourself.

Don’t let your curiosity wither. Be deliberate at including it in your life and your program. Combine curiosity with knowledge and see how your program thrives.