Beyond books, special projects, and curriculum, we are in the relationship business. This means we must always be making positive connections with teachers, students, administrators, and other advocates. Being likeable can go a long way in furthering these associations.

When your community enjoys being around you, as well as trusting your expertise, they are open and willing to work with you. You’ll find yourself creating collaborative projects with teachers and building lasting relationships. When students like you, they will come to you as a resource for questions beyond their reading. And when administrators like you, they are more apt to reach out to you to add your support and skills to the overall goals they have for the school. When you see the benefits, it’s clear that we need to be sure we are doing all we can to be likable.

Fortunately, there are aspects of likeability that are learnable. In an article entitled 6 Habits of Instantly Likable People, Gwen Moran presents these traits which we all need to cultivate. What makes someone likeable?

1. They are present – If you are in a rush, you tend to make it obvious that you don’t really have time to listen to what the other person is saying. You can’t make a connection that way, and people feel you are too busy to care about them. Be focused on the conversations you are having. Moran says asking questions shows your interest, and people are likely to respond positively to that interest.
2. They give and share credit – After working with a class, make sure to make positive comments about how well-prepared students were and acknowledge any faculty support. When you share the results with your principal, focus on the teacher’s contribution.  You needn’t explain your contribution. And if the principal praises the teacher, they are more likely to come and work with you again.
3. They are authentic – Always be yourself.  In your library, a classroom, or the parent/teacher night. People are good at spotting when you are trying too hard or are assuming a persona to fit the situation. Trust who you are and what you bring.
4. They are caring and empathetic – As the saying goes, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”  When you have asked questions, follow up on the answers when problems and stresses are mentioned. Be alert to the body language of others to recognize when they are concerned and follow-up.
5. They are good and active listeners – People appreciate and value being heard. If you are doing numbers 1,2, and 4, this is probably happening naturally. When you are not “present,” there is no way you can be actively listening. Some of us think we are listening, but we are only waiting for a chance to respond and/or get our thoughts expressed. Be focused on what the person is saying and trust you will have time for your input.
6. They are good communicators – Be clear in what you say and how you say it. Ambiguity makes people uncomfortable and frequently leads to them wondering if you are trustworthy. This does not lead to being likable. Look for ways to share the truth without being rude or hurtful.

We make quick decisions about others. If our initial impression was negative, it can take a long time to change it. Therefore, it’s important to continually improve our ability to build relationships. The better we are at it, the more we will be seen as vital to the school community. With each new relationship we build advocates for what we do. Our students, teachers, and administrators need us and this connection ensures we’re around for them.