Posted on by hildaweisburg

The Pursuit of Emotional Wellbeing

I sometimes think the founding fathers of the United States set the country on the wrong track by including in the Declaration of Independence the words, “the pursuit of happiness.” Pursuing happiness can be problematic because not only are we often not clear on what makes us happy, but it isn’t a permanent state. To my mind, happiness is not a goal. Instead, it is the result of recognizing what the good is in your life most of the time.

In her article on Smart Brief, LaRae Quy, author of Secrets of a Strong Mind, gives 3 Scientific Reasons Why Emotional Wellbeing Equals Success, and how to make each of them work for you. In the opening, Quy states that pursuing happiness didn’t help her. However, when she focused on her emotional wellbeing, she was able to avoid burnout.  In the process, she recognized what happiness truly is.

Here are the reasons and Quy’s advice on making them work:

  1. Rethink Happiness – According to a report she cites, America’s Happiness Index has been falling since 2008, noting that we tend to think of happiness as an uninterrupted state. Neuroscientists and psychologists believe emotional wellbeing is a better definition than happiness for our mental state. She states, “moments of happiness are necessary, but it should never be your goal in life. We also have to be prepared to handle adverse events and negative emotions.

To make it work for you recognize that happiness is:

  • Temporary – Nothing lasts forever. Whatever is in the current moment will inevitably change.
  • Involves pleasing yourself – You are the one who defines your own happiness.
  • Lacks depth – Again, it is in the moment.
  • Feels good – And isn’t that wonderful. Savor it.
  • Something you chase after – Not because you are pursuing happiness, but because you are passionate and care about it.
  • Full of momentary connections with others – Those moments can create cherished memories, but they happen in moments.
  • 2. Embrace negative emotions – Stop trying to put a good face on your feelings. They are signals to you to identify the source. When you are stressed or angry, attempt to recognize what is causing it. This not only minimizes the impact of the negative emotions, but it allows you to move forward.

To make it work for you:

  • Recognize negative emotions as normal and an important barometer of what you’re experiencing in life – We all have them, and there are many good reasons for it.
  • Identify and name your emotions rather than trying to avoid them – Be honest about what you are dealing with. It’s easier to confront them that way.
  • Talk to people you trust about your emotions. Better yet, talk to yourself and write it down in a journal – Venting is healthy. Journaling is a great outlet for many.
  • 3. Practice awareness – Quy notes that when you are aware of the emotions you are feeling, you are less likely to make a decision based on them. You are then more likely to react with less bias and improve relationships – which are the heart of our business.

To make it work for you the suggestions require self-reflection. Taking this pause will help you get to the reality of what is happening. Do this for both positive and negative emotions.

  • What event happened that made me feel this way? Or what person?
  • Where does the emotion show up in my body? Does this emotion express itself in my body language?
  • What was my first response to the emotion? Then, if I had to do it over again, would I repeat myself?
  • Is this an emotion I want to reinforce? If not, when could I have nipped it in the bud? If so, how can I repeat the experience?

The better you become at doing this, the more you will recognize and enjoy the happiness in your life. You, and you alone, define what happiness is to you. And it’s you who recognize it and welcome it into your life. Pursuing emotional wellbeing will allow you to be more resilient and go after the goals that will lead to increased happiness both personally and professionally.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Analysis Paralysis

Leaders are decision-makers, which means they are risk-takers. Risk implies the possibility of failure. And therein lies the fear that stops many from taking action.

When you leave your comfort zone, you are faced with potential positive and negative results. The fear of failure can have you focusing on all the negative possibilities and not taking action. And the longer you wait to get started, the more ways you will come up with as to why it won’t work or you’ll find things to do to delay putting your idea into operation until you get more information. You are not alone in this. Business leaders form focus group after focus group trying to get confirmation that a decision would be totally correct or totally wrong.

The late General Colin Powell referred to this continuous waiting on sufficient information as “Analysis Paralysis.” He said,

“Don’t take action if you have only enough information to give you less than a 40 percent chance of being right, but don’t wait until you have enough facts to be 100 percent sure, because by then it is almost always too late. Today, excessive delays in the name of information-gathering breeds “analysis paralysis.” Procrastination in the name of reducing risk actually increases risk.” (Lesson 15 https://ung.edu/institute-leadership-strategic-studies/_uploads/files/colin-powell-leadership.pdf )

His 40/70 rule makes sense when you are involved in a war, but is probably too conservative in our work world. A more realistic rule for us is 50/80. If it’s under a 50% chance of success, don’t do it. If there’s at least an 80% chance of success, go with your gut.

Lison Mage in Why Overthinking Costs Us Our Best Decisions? is writing for the business world, but, as usual, his advice is applicable to us as well. Using the analogy of basketball, Mage asks us to imagine playing the game with a teammate who froze every time you passed them the ball. There they are on the court unable to decide whether they should shoot, dribble to get closer to the basket, or pass the ball to someone else.

Too often, we are like that basketball player. Mage says, overthinking comes from a learned trait dating back to the days when we were searching for cues that would lead us to water, food, and shelter while avoiding predators. The skill worked for us then as it helped us survive. Keeping the habit in a world with information overload works against us.

Even skilled researchers that we are, we cannot gather every bit of data on every decision we are considering. Mage says when we can’t be sure we have all the information, we become anxious and have a paralyzing fear of not knowing what we should do. In our world we need to recognize “More Is Not Better. More Will Not Make It Perfect.”

Back to the basketball analogy, Mage asks, “What is best? Attempting a shot and missing it, or not shooting and handing the ball over to the adversary after the 23-second shot clock has elapsed? He quotes the French national lottery slogan, “100% of the winners did buy a ticket.”

According to Mage, the problem lies in focusing on clear success as the only favorable outcome. The focus needs to be on the process, looking at the success in achieving the small steps to getting the job done. No matter the outcome, there are things to be gained whether that’s from the collaborations you created, the learning that occurred, and maybe discovering that something doesn’t work.

One more quote from Colin Powell, “Leadership is the art of accomplishing more than the science of management says is possible.” Overthinking may ensure that you won’t experience failure. It also guarantees you and your program won’t grow. You will never have a 100% success rate, no one does. We learn from failure. It’s part of life, and part of being a leader. Take the shot. It’s worth it.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Time – It’s Irreplaceable

Nothing is more valuable than our time. Once it’s gone, we can’t get it back. Each day, someone or some task claims another piece of it. At the end of a very long day, you are often left wondering where the time all went. When you look closely at a typical (if there is such a thing) day, there are precious few hours to complete all your tasks. How do you manage the available time to get the best results?

It takes organization and focus. Be mindful of what you are doing – and why. Create a system that works for you. Know where you are and what you will do next. For example, as I head into my office to begin my day, I always know what my first task will be. When I was working in a school library, I did a mental review of my schedule while on the drive to work. On my way home, I would shift gears, plan my route if I needed to do an errand or recall what I had to do to get dinner started.

What do you need to do to get a handle on time management? In How to Use Your Time Effectively and Efficiently, Paul B. Thornton recommends for effective time management to “Separate the ‘vital few’ from the ‘trivial many.’ Don’t waste your time solving the wrong problems or pursuing the wrong goals.”

Effectiveness is about using your time for the right things. He lists these five effective techniques:

  1. Writing down priorities and making them visible – Whenever possible, tie these to your Mission and/or Vision statements. It will keep you focused on what really needs to get done.
  2. Periodically reviewing and revising your priorities – Change happens. Are your priorities adjusting and changing with them? And when was the last time you reviewed your Mission/Vision statements? Be sure they are current. I recently read one from a library whose mission dates from 1987.
  3. Learning to say “No.” -Two letters, but a very important word. If the request doesn’t fit your priorities, consider if it’s possible to say no. If it’s not, look for alternatives. (I did a blog post on this a few weeks ago).
  4. Checking for alignment – Again, review your list to see if there are tasks that don’t fit with your priorities. Thornton advises you to see where you can make changes. Also, look for ways to delegate to others.
  5. Schedule uninterrupted time – Officially scheduling this time is incredibly challenging during the school day. If you have a period of time where no one is with you in the library, I recommend shutting off the lights, so people think the doors were closed. Commuting time can also be used this way.

Efficiency means you what you can to not waste time. Thornton’s top five efficiency techniques (he lists ten) are:

  1. Create a “to-do” list – Connect this with your effective techniques (above) by reviewing your priorities when making this list. It’s also important to choose a listing method that works best for you. Do you number the highest ones or star them? Do you prefer a daily or weekly list?
  2. Periodically identify what you can stop doing – Just because something was a priority, doesn’t mean it still is or is as high a priority as it was. Thornton recommends looking for ways to eliminate what doesn’t provide value.
  3. Get organized – More than the “to-do” list, this is your calendar allowing you to keep track of meetings and deadlines. What works best for you – digital or paper? How do you ensure you don’t overlook what you have recorded? Do you have a reminder system in place?
  4. Remove the clutter – Looking for things wastes time. If you don’t need it, get rid of it.
  5. Deal with paper and electronic documents only once – A follow-up to the previous one. Thornton reminds you there are only three things to do with them: file it, toss (or delete), or take action. It can be hard to make an immediate decision, but doing this whenever you can will make you more efficient.

And don’t forget about your time outside of work. Be sure you are giving you and your family the time they deserve. You also need personal time to refresh and rejuvenate. It may not be every day, but if you aren’t doing something at least weekly, you are wearing yourself out. Time is your most valuable commodity. Don’t waste opportunities for joy.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Be Bold

Being a leader requires risk-taking. How did reading that make you feel? Did your stomach drop? Did your mouth get dry? There is no question about it. By definition, taking a risk is scary. But you won’t ever get where you want to go unless you take some big risks along the way. And that’s going to mean leaving your comfort zone.

Here are some big risks I have taken in my career:

  • Planning a new library wing.
  • Automating my library in the very early years of library automation.
  • Leaving a job (and tenure) after more than two decades to take another.

Some risks you might be considering are:

  • Genrefying your library.
  • Giving a presentation at your state library association or at the national level.
  • Running for president of your state association.
  • Speaking at a Board of Education meeting.
  • Creating an Advisory Council of parents and teachers for your library.

Taking a risk means you might fail. Depending on where you are in your career, any one of those possibilities could cause you to change your mind several times before coming to a decision. How do you get unstuck and take a bold action?

Remind yourself of your Vision and Mission Statements. Then ask if the risk supports one or both of them. How would Genrefying your library support your goals? Would giving a presentation or running for president improve the position of your program? Would speaking at a Board meeting highlight the roles you play and the values you hold as a librarian? Can an Advisory Council give you the support you need for challenges to your collection?

Before taking the leap, Cheryl Strauss Einhorn recommends these five steps to help you Become More Comfortable Making Bold Decisions:

  1. Identify the decision you need to make. – Get as clear as you can on the decision you really need to make, risks aside. What is the reason you are doing this? How does it connect to your Mission and Vision? What will happen if you don’t do it? Once you’re clear, lean on your Professional Learning Community. Ask who has done this before or attempted it. What do they wish they had known before they started? Are they glad they did it? What do they recommend you do or not do?
  2. Examine your past bold decisions. – Take time to notice your previous successes. What made them successful? Identify the leadership qualities that helped you achieve your goals. What did you achieve as a result of taking the risk? Would you have done it the same way if you were making that decision now? We often don’t recognize we have grown on the job. Looking to the past will reveal your growth as a leader.
  3. Ask yourself what attributes or similarities are shared between the bold decision you are considering and your prior decisions. – This new step may feel risky, but it probably isn’t entirely new ground. For example, if you are considering genrefying your collection, notice that you’ve already created a section for professional reading or graphic novels. It is reassuring to recognize that not only have you been successful in the past, but also that you can draw on how you accomplished that success. You are not really starting from scratch. The bold decision you are considering may be bigger than what you have done before, but you have some past experiences to guide and support you.
  4. Consider whether there are attributes of your past bold decisions that might impede your ability to get to a good outcome for your current decision. – What happened with past decisions (bold or not) that you wish you could have done differently? This is your chance to make that change. Where there things that kept you from being as successful as you hoped? What did you learn from missteps?
  5. Apply the lessons from your past data to your current decision. — Take what you know worked with what didn’t and apply it to the new success you’re looking to have. Don’t let those mistakes stop you because that is how we learn. (Don’t you tell your students this all the time? Apply it to yourself!) And remember – don’t only look at the negatives. You deserve the praise for what worked.

You need to be a leader. Leaders are visionaries who take risks and try new things. If it’s time for you to be bold, take time to be smart about how you do it.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Don’t Interrupt Your Leadership

On occasion, we are all guilty of interrupting, but if it is something you do often, then chances are you are undermining your relationships, which can hurt your effectiveness. Related to interrupting is when we find ourselves not really listening, and instead, waiting for the other person to take a breath or a break so that we can speak. Once again, relationships pay the price, as does our success.

When we do this, the message we’re sending is that we don’t consider what they’ve said to be important – or as important as what we want to say. It is both disrespectful and annoying. The frustration felt by the receiver puts a negative tone on the conversation, even if we are friends. If it’s a colleague, we’ve lost the opportunity for connection, and perhaps done longer-term damage to the relationship.

If this is a habit of yours, Madeleine Homan Blanchard reviews some reasons you are a habitual interrupter, and how to stop doing it in her article Trying to Stop Interrupting Others? Ask Madeleine. She lists triggers which you will recognize and then ways of getting past them.

Triggers:

Just excited – You are bubbling over with enthusiasm. Blanchard says this is forgivable. And no one is always excited, so chances are this only happens occasionally. With any luck, the other person is equally excited.

Getting a word in edge-wise – This is common if you grew up in a talkative environment or work in a fast-paced one, this Blanchard refers to it as a forgivable survival skill, but awareness becomes key to doing things differently.

In my own head – This is for those who have a tendency to tune out during conversation. It can be uncomfortable at best, insulting at worst. If this is something you do often, Blanchard recommends taking notes to keep you present.

Shutting people down – This is unforgivable. You have negated what the other person has said. Regardless of the reason, you have revealed an unhelpful and potentially harmful attitude that will, if not corrected, likely result in long-term issues that cannot be fixed.

 8 Changes to Make:

  1. Notice the behavior and the impact it has on others. Read body language. Listen to tone of voice. These will tell you a lot.
  2. Decide that the behavior is making enough of a negative impact on your effectiveness with others that it is worth making the effort to change. When you see the results of your interrupting, you will need to choose to do what it takes to change.
  3. Pay attention to what is happening when you engage in the behavior. As opposed to #1 which is external, this is internal. Recognize your trigger.
  4. Practice what you might do the next time a spark presents itself in a safe environment. Once you notice your triggers, you need to learn to do things differently. This can be anything from putting your hand over your mouth, managing your energy and thoughts by using a notebook, or doing something with your hands. Even doodling can keep you present.
  5. Share your quest to change your behavior with your colleagues. Getting support is a good idea. Blanchard notes it should only be from trusted colleagues. If the issue is having a chance to speak at a meeting, she suggests asking the leader to ensure everyone is heard.
  6. Experiment. This is an ingrained habit you are changing. It’s going to take time to break a habit and find what works for you. You will make mistakes.
  7. Keep track of your progress and what you did when you were successful. Recognize what worked and what didn’t. Celebrate your successes. Both of these will help you continue to make progress.
  8. Before long, you will notice you have made a change. Blanchard warns not to let your guard down. Habits are not easy to break. Be kind to yourself when you slip up then go back to doing what works. You have come a long way.

I would add that a key motivators for making this change is noticing how you feel when you are interrupted. What comes up for you when someone isn’t listening to you? You certainly don’t look forward to talking with them again. You can also take time to observe how others react when they are interrupted. Seeing the results can drive home the importance of changing this habit. Listening is a leadership quality. Interrupting is the opposite of it. This is one habit you can’t afford to have.

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Spark Your Creativity

Are you creative?

What was your first reaction to the question? You probably thought in artistic terms. If you knit or draw, you may have categorized yourself as creative. Those of you who design great book art projects or bulletin boards tend to do the same. But there is more to creativity than art.

When you consider redesigning your library to meet current needs, you need to be creative. When you want to come up with a project that will excite and engage students, you need to be creative. When you want to get more money for the library program (an outgrowth of the previous statement), you need to be creative.

Any time you want to move past the status quo, you need to be creative. We are all creative, and, frequently, more creative than we realize. But what do we do on the days when we are so tired the thought of being creative is beyond us? How do we break out of that “too tired to think” sense?

Alaina Love has some great recommendations for how to spark your creativity in Building an Imagination Process. As I do, Love recommends “establish[ing] a space for imagination.” She proposes four steps for doing this.

Value the Trinity – Love says we need the trinity of imagination, inspiration, and creativity – to be creative. You can free your imagination by asking, “what if?” For example, what would my library program and facility be like if money weren’t an issue? Creativity will flow from there. Don’t censor yourself by thinking you will never get the money. First get the idea. You can then get creative about money sources.

Establish and Value Your Process – I love the phrase she uses: “It’s hard to get creative in the middle of a hurricane.” What she means by this is you may need to change your surroundings to free your imagination. I’ve written often of my passion for walking. When I’m out and about, I let my brain run free and think of words and phrases associated with what I’m working on. On my return, I record my thoughts. With these new ideas igniting my thinking, I am ready to form them into a concrete plan of action..

Find what works for you. It could be journaling or sitting quietly in a comfortable chair. What matters is that you find the method that sets your imagination free. Then cultivate it.

Be Judgement Free – All that matters is what is right for you. Don’t stress about whether your way is the best way or if you should try something different. Best is not the answer. As long as you are thinking in new and creative ways you are doing it right. It’s much like not censoring whether the ideas you generated can be achieved.

You may not be immediately successful. You are establishing (creating?) a different practice. It takes time to be comfortable with it. As long as you’ve stopped thinking about the “hurricane,” you are heading in the right direction.

Start Small – In another great expression, Love says you shouldn’t try to “boil the ocean.” Start with the project to engage students rather than developing a new library program and facility. See how the space you have created works for you.

As you get better at this, you will automatically tweak how you get into your imagination space. It will be comfortable. Make it a regular part of your week.

Developing this practice will give you a direction, resulting in changes that will demonstrate the leader you are – and your value to your students, teachers, administrators, and the community. Just imagine what that would be like.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Projecting Confidence

Are you confident?  Everywhere? Of course not. Where don’t you feel confident? One of the reasons people trust leaders is the sense of confidence they instill in others. To be clear—this doesn’t mean leaders don’t have doubts. What they do have is confidence in their area of expertise and know they can figure out what to do and what needs to be done.

So what is confidence and how can you project it – even if there are times when you don’t feel it? Merriam-Webster defines it as “a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstance.” There are two key words in this definition. “Feeling” implies an emotional quality. “Power” in this sense about abilities tied to an inner awareness.

How you feel about a given situation can affect your self-confidence. When you are nervous or entering an unfamiliar one, you might not feel confident. A change of mindset can shift you from being uncertain to believing you have the ability to successfully handle the experience. You can read my February 5th blog, Leading a Great Meeting which discussed 5 “P’s” for success: Purpose, Preparation, People, Process, and Progress.  These 5 are applicable in those situations as well.

Taking confidence a step further, John Garfunkel offers his 5 Ways to Exude Confidence in Meetings, Even If You Aren’t.

1. DO: Sit in the front of the room or head of the table  – This can feel challenging when we’re not sure of our place, but, according to Garfunkel, this shows that you care about what is going on, what is being said and that you want to contribute and be heard. Being in the front shows others you value this meeting and ready to be a part of things.

AVOID: Sitting outside the focus area of discussion – Garfunkel notes, “if you are on the fringe leaves you exactly that.” The people in the back rarely speak up. They have chosen their seat because they are unsure of themselves. In a job interview, move your chair into a better position. You may have multiple people interviewing you, and you want to see each one – and have them see you.

2. DO: Treat Senior Executives as Equals – In education, this would refer to administrators and other district personnel such as the head of IT when you are on a technology committee. You have knowledge to bring to the table. Don’t be hesitant. Demonstrate your value to this meeting and to the educational community. Be aware of your intonation, and don’t end sentences with the raise in tone suggesting uncertainty.

AVOID: Looking Down and Not Making Eye Contact – This conveys insecurity in the situation. You want to show you are a full, contributing member of the team no matter who is present. Garfunkel says to “go for full engagement — listening, speaking, body language and eye contact.” This is equally true in a job interview. You want interviewers to see you will be a valuable addition to the staff.

3. DO: Project Your Voice – Own that you are an expert in your area and have an important point to make, even if what you’re saying may be unpopular. Be clear, don’t end your sentences on a lifted voice (which makes your words sound like a question and unsure). Be confident and clear. 

AVOID: Apologizing or second-guessing yourself – Again, be mindful of your intonation. Put your ideas forward, knowing they are based on your competence and knowledge. Your conviction will go a long way in helping others to feel and accept your confidence.

4.  DO: Use your body position to convey confidence – Garfunkel recommends you lean forward. It shows you are fully engaged. The act of physically engaging will send a strong message and boost your own positivity.

AVOID: Slumping, Slouching or Angling Away from the Conversation – Sitting this way sends a strong message that you have tuned-out and can insult or upset the person who is speaking. Show engagement whenever possible.

5.  DO: Engage Before the Meeting Starts – This is an excellent time for you to become more comfortable with the others in attendance and they with you. It will make it easier for you to engage and for others to engage with you once the meeting begins because you will have already connected casually.

AVOID: Lowering the Height of Your Chair – Remain at eye levels as others in the meeting so that you are not visually defining yourself as less. You are there to contribute equally and show the expertise you bring.

Something to remember, confidence is not the same as arrogance. Arrogance is when someone has an exaggerated sense of their own importance or abilities. That’s not confidence or leadership. Too often, arrogance is used as a form of bullying, a use of Power Over others, and a good leader is never a bully instead of relying on their Power Within.

How you present yourself not only allows you to look confident, it will help you tap into your true confidence, which comes from the value and expertise you bring to a meeting. Be aware of the subtle messages you send with your body language, and you will project more self-assurance and show you are a confident leader.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

How – And When – To Say No

You already have a full schedule. You are always a hairbreadth away from overwhelm. And now you have been asked to do something else. What do you do? Can you just say no?

What if the request is coming from your principal? What if it’s a teacher you are good friends with? My guess is you say, “yes,” and then you try to make it work. Maybe you stay late – and cut out some of your self-care. Yes, it cuts into family and personal time, but you had no choice. Right?

There is always a choice. It’s how you manage it that makes the difference. Something that frequently worked for me, especially with teachers, was asking, “Can we do this differently?” Then I would come up with alternate solutions. It could be anything from changing the date or time that was requested to sending a cart of books and emailing websites if my schedule was booked.

When it came to my principals, I, of course, couldn’t say no—not exactly. Instead, I would let them know that I’d be happy to accommodate them and ask for their advice regarding how to handle the shifts I would need to make to meet their requests. This lets them know that you can agree, but gets their buy-in or support for the things that will have to be dropped or changed.

There was a time I was asked by the secretary to close the library to accommodate a meeting of the athletic directors in our league could meet. I agreed and said I would contact the previously scheduled teachers to tell them they couldn’t come because of this meeting. A teacher complained to the principal. The secretary called me back “to apologize for her mistake.” She said the request was that I close a portion of the library to allow the meeting to happen. This had a double benefit. Not only had I completely acceded to my principal’s request, I also had demonstrated how connected I was to the teachers and curriculum.

As a leader, you may get requests from your state (or even national association) to take on a task. Do you want to do it? How much of your valuable time will it take? When this occurs, pause before responding and do your best to make your decision out of your purpose, priorities, and passion. If it doesn’t match up with these, say no.

In Saying No Is Better Than Saying Nothing, Shari Harley had advice for those times when “no” is the answer you want to give. She recognizes that saying no is hard. She says people often practice avoidance, ignoring the request or saying you will get back on that—and not doing it. That shows a lack of integrity and honesty in your dealings with people, something that hurts relationships.

Harley offers three options. Before exercising one of these, the first step is thanking the person for asking and saying you will give them your response in a set period of time (not too long in the future). Make sure you get back to them after you determine what your answer will be. Then you answer with one of these options:

Option One is to turn down the request but suggest someone else who might be able to do the task. Within the school, this option is rarely open to you. However, when it’s a district request or one on the state/national level, you should be able to recommend a qualified person who could do it.

Option Two is to agree but negotiate a different time. It gives you the opportunity to ask important questions such as by when does this actually have to be done. It enables you to prioritize your time in completing this new task. It may be possible to do an introductory piece and then complete the project at a later date. For example, if the teacher wants to bring in a class two days in a row, perhaps you can go to the class and do an opening to get students started and thinking, and then have them come in a day or so later to actually get to work. (Debrief them on their thinking process to begin the class.)

Option Three is to turn down the request but offer what you might be able to do instead. Ask if that would work. If not, see if you can find some substitution, but don’t change your no into a yes. You have thought the request through. You know it won’t work for you. Don’t push yourself into becoming overwhelmed.

Harley concludes with “keep your commitments.”  Whatever you said you would do, do it. You want people to trust you. Your word must have meaning.

Knowing how and when to say no is a test of your leadership. Don’t answer too quickly – and always follow through.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

The Power of Apology

I’m sorry. Two short words (OK—one is a contraction.), yet they carry so many different meanings. Sometimes they aren’t enough or hardly matter. Other times, they carry a heavy weight. What you say, when you say it, whether you choose to say it, and how you say it can affect your relationships and your leadership and, therefore, your success.

The offhand “sorry” comes when you accidentally bump into someone while walking or your cart hits theirs in the supermarket. You make that quick apology. The other person says, “it’s OK.” or says nothing at all. Not saying “excuse me” or “sorry” makes you rude, but in the larger scheme of things, it doesn’t matter that much.

An apology carries a deeper import if your mind wanders in a conversation, and you didn’t hear what the other party was saying. It’s embarrassing, but you both will get past that quickly as long as you don’t drift off repeatedly. Avoiding the “sorry” can cause a bump in a relationship if you try to fake it and get caught.

Apologies become more significant when you have made a big mistake, such as forgetting a meeting, failing to follow-through on something you promised you would do, or saying something that revealed your implicit bias. Do you acknowledge your error? Try to minimize it? Hope it won’t be noticed? What should a leader do?

Niki Jorgensen discusses The Emotionally Intelligent Way to Apologize for a Mistake at Work. She says to be effective you need to choose your words and the correct time to make an apology. Your body language when making it also contributes to its effectiveness.

Jorgensen describes two things you should consider before making an apology:

Is an apology necessary? How to Decide – Don’t automatically rush into a long apology before taking the time to stop and think. How significant was your mistake? If you always apologize profusely, this detracts from what you say when your error was significant.

Observe the body language of the other person. Are they upset? That may provide an indication of the seriousness of your error and the impact it may have on your relationship. This is particularly true when what you said revealed your implicit bias. You need to apologize as soon as you become aware of your mistake. We all have these biases. What is important is that we recognize them when they appear and acknowledge them.

How to apologize professionally – Jorgensen says to “evaluate the reasons behind the incident, the impacts on others and ways to prevent similar mistakes moving forward.” Apologizing in private is important and is more likely to  allow an open interchange. Avoid the temptation to get it all out quickly.

Apologizing is usually uncomfortable, but you also need to show you are listening to the other person’s response – and watching their body language. While you may be the one apologizing, it is an important opportunity to listen more than talk. When you acknowledge and take responsibility for your mistake, you strengthen the bonds of trust necessary in building and deepening a relationship.

To be recognized as a leader you must have integrity. Embarrassing as it can be, apologies made – or not made – reveal the person and leader you are. Take the time to acknowledge the error, whether big or small, and give the situation and person the right apology.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Fight The Fear Factor

The past two weeks my blogs have centered on you getting in front of an audience. As a leader, this will be necessary to get your face and your program out there. Yet many school librarians shy away from doing this other than with the smallest possible group. They know the value but find a host of reasons not to step into the limelight. The most obvious reason is fear.

Fear holds us back, and we can’t afford to let that happen.

Public speaking is a fear more common than death. Also known as “stage fright,” it is one of the most common fears. The phrase refers to performers, but it is, in essence, what we are all doing when we step in front of a group. Actors get past it or they wouldn’t have careers. You need to do the same because if you hide your light under a bucket, you will not be seen. If you are not seen, you will not be valued. And if you are not valued, you and your position are likely to be eliminated.

Terri Klass has sound advice on How to Stop Fear from Paralyzing Your Leadership. In presenting her five recommendations, she notes this fear can pop up at any point of your career, especially as the audiences get larger or feel more important. Each time you step onto a larger stage, there is the chance it might emerge. With these steps in mind, hopefully, you will be able to conquer it when it does.

  1. Name the Fear – Klass encourages you to identify the physical responses you are having. Can you recognize what is causing it? Notice and name your reactions (rapid heart, sweaty palms), and what they go with (not being sure you have the answer, wondering if anyone will listen to you, etc.) Recognizing that this is fear “talking” is an important first step.
  2. Share the Fear with a Trusted Advisor – Talking out the fear puts it into perspective. A fellow librarian or a friend (or both) makes a good listening ear. As you speak about the fear you just named, you are better able to see how inaccurate your fears are. If you don’t have someone to share it with, talk to yourself. Out loud. It’s hearing it that makes you aware of how much of the scenario you imagined is improbable and just some chemical reactions in your body.
  3. Try on a New Perspective – Klass has an imaginative idea here – think of someone who inspires you, and imagine them guiding you through this fear. How would they approach this situation? What attitude would they present? What would they say to you to encourage you? Can’t think of a person – Klass suggests you think of an animal. Imagine embodying the power of a wolf, the majesty of lion. It’s the perspective change that will help you manage the fear.
  4. Give It a Meaningful Good-bye – Look that fear in the eye and let it know you are done with it. Klass suggests writing down your good-bye and putting it away somewhere or speaking it into a mirror. Rather than putting away that fear, you can also burn it. There is a kind of satisfaction in seeing it go up in smoke. Gone forever.
  5. Commit to the New and Inspiring Leader – What are you going to do going forward? How do you want to be? Look at the presentation you made after having conquered your fear. How did it go? Remind yourself of this the next time you move onto a larger stage. Talk to yourself as you would to a friend who is beginning to shine more brightly.

I can remember reading Frank Herbert’s Dune shortly after it was published. A line from it has stuck with me forever, “Fear is the little death…. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.” Each time we step out of our comfort zones, fear will be waiting. Don’t let it keep you from being the leader you were meant to be.