Posted on by hildaweisburg

Tips To De-stress

Are you stressed? That’s a really rhetorical question. Who isn’t these days? Even during summer break, and having the chance to take care of yourself, you’re likely thinking about what’s to come and what’s happening in the world around you.

The fact is stress is taking a toll on your body and your relationships all the time. And we can’t afford that. We have too many people who need us at our best – or close to it. Including ourselves.

In 10 Leaders, 10 Ideas for Lowering Stress, Amber Johnson synthesizes the ideas of ten businesses leaders, all feeling high stress. She divides the ideas into three categories:Work Strategies, Physical Strategies, and Mindset Strategies. I will add my library world adaptations to the business world view and hope that we all find way to lower our stress:

Work Strategies

Fix the root of the problem – Is there a way to fix the deeper causes of your problems. It’s not easy, and it may not be obvious, but it’s worth considering. You can’t change the political climate, for example, but you can find support and advocates for your work and collection. Make a list of a few things you can do. Get creative. Have you tapped into the resources offered by your state library association and the national library associations?

Let go of the little things – There are some things that are urgent and need energy and attention. But what doesn’t? Johnson asks what can you pause? Do you have to work through lunch? Would a walk or time chatting with school friends energize you more for the rest of the day? Think of ways to turn your brain off for a while and relax. And look for these places outside of work too. Can you get someone to clean your house? Mow the lawn?

Find your plug-and-play patterns – How have you handled stress in the past that worked? For me it’s winning an X number of computer solitaire games. Chances are things that worked previously will help you again.

Physical Strategies

Take care of your body – You know stress takes a toll on your body. It’s at the root of numerous medical conditions. Look for ways to actively start taking care of yourself. Get to bed earlier. Cut down on the frequency of junk food and choose healthier foods. Exercise or at least stretch a given number of minutes each day. If that’s too hard at first, do it for two or three days in the week. Start small and build.

Work with your senses – Johnson recommends the “54321 technique”: name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. What it really does is getting you to breathe and centers you in the moment rather than worrying about the past or being concerned about the future. When stressed our breaths become shallow, and we don’t get enough oxygen to our brain making the challenge worse.

Find ways to play – Those with young children or pets can do this easily. I love doing Wordle every day and posting my score on Facebook. My friends comment with how they did. Are you reading for pleasure? Is there  a hobby or craft you’ve dropped or want to pick up? Joy and fun can help alleviate stress.

Take a getaway – Weekend vacations are great for some. I love having a dinner or even a lunch with friends. A change of scene can make a big difference.

Mindset Strategies

Take care of your mind – Our minds are so powerful and the stories we tell ourselves have a huge impact on our wellbeing. As I have said in the past, I keep a Gratitude Journal where I record daily three things for which I am grateful and one way I give back. I also have a container with a small note pad in it. Whenever something wonderful happens to me or my family, I write it along with the date on a paper from the notebook, fold the paper, write the date again on the folded sheet and put it in the canister. On New Year’s Day, I take out the sheets, arrange them in chronological order, and read them to discover what a great year I had.

Draw boundaries – Johnson mentions ending your day by a certain time. I do that and also don’t take messages from my landline util the end of the day. To do this, you’ll need to know the boundaries, set the boundaries, and then keep them. This may have a bit of a learning curve, so give yourself some grace during the process.

Find the mantra that works for you – Whether it’s an affirmation or a simply a sentence that grounds you, as librarians, we know the power of words. Find one that works for you and pull it out when you need it. I remind myself of a story with the closing line, “This will change.” I also am using the words on a bracelet I was given as a birthday gift, “You Can.”

Stress is not going to magically disappear, so it’s imperative to find the coping strategies that work for you. Notice the ones you’ve been using – and if they’ve been working. If you need new ones, then add to your collection. For me, it always helps when I can find ways to laugh and find the joy in my life. You deserve that, too!

Posted on by hildaweisburg

A Better Balancing Act

The feelings of overwhelm, exhaustion and burnout are on the rise. Between our work, our world, and our families, we are frequently unsure how to manage all we are responsible for. Then we’re told to take time for ourselves, because if we don’t, we run the risk of things getting worse. Sounds like more stress.

Unfortunately, most of the advice out there is generic. Do this, eat that, stop saying yes. But the truth is we are unique. Our lives are different from the ones we see and read about. Our needs are different. What works for one person, doesn’t work for another. What is true is that we require balance so that the stressors in our lives don’t suck out all the joy.

So how do we find and succeed at our personal balancing act? Fortunately, Sandeep Gupta explains how to go about the process in his blog post, Work-Life Balance: A Myth or Reality? He starts with the following 4 myths referenced in the title of his blog:

  1. Work is pain, and personal life is pleasure – While it’s true that most of us have to work, it isn’t true that work is always pain. If family life is currently stressful, it could be that your personal life is not always pleasure. Which is true for you? Is it always the case? Hopefully we enjoy our jobs – most of the time. We love our family and friends. Most of the time. What is the best balance for you, personally? How much work and how much personal time are the right balance for you?
  2. Work and personal life are separate – We categorize it that way when we think about balance, but the two overlap often. You take work home. You don’t forget personal issues when we are at work. I used to tell my staff to let me know if they were under stress from home so we could adjust their day. As Gupta notes, when you have a bad day at one, you bring it into the other. What we need, he says, is not a “work-life balance” but a “balanced life.”
  3. Time is the only constraint – Gupta says we think having more time would allow us to have a work-life balance. But it’s not about the hours and minutes, it’s the quality of the time and what we choose to do with it. Having the time to enjoy dinner or play with our children is more enjoyable than just making it home at a specified hour while still thinking about a task at work.
  4. One Correct Solution – Just as there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to having a balanced life, there is not one solution that will always continue to work. What you need today may not be what you need next year. It’s important to be reflective about how you feel and make changes as necessary when necessary.

So, how do you go about it finding your balance? Gupta recommends considering these questions.

  • What needs to happen to make life more fulfilling? 
  • How can life be more balanced and fulfilling?
  • Who do I need to become to lead a fulfilled life?

To answer the first question, ask yourself: what are your priorities? What things can you do to make more time for them? What unnecessary things are you doing which can be delegated or eliminated? Take time to notice when and if these might change.

For the second question, identify your passions – both at work and in your personal life. Ensure that you make a place for them. The usual advice about making time for physical activity is true here as well. It energizes you and promotes a positive mindset.

The third question requires you to include time to reflect on your life. Are you feeling fulfilled? Do you need to revise what you are doing? Remember, there is no one correct solution and today’s solution may not work in a year. Life brings change at home and at work. Accept it, be ready for it, and make any needed adjustments.

Burnout is a real thing. It comes when over a period of time, what we expect or think we can do doesn’t align with the truth. We can burnout because of both work and personal stressors. It may not seem like you have the time to look at this, but the truth is, you can’t afford to ignore it. Ask yourself these questions (maybe you do it one your commute). Listen to the answers you receive, and then do what you can to act on them.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

The Emotional Pull of Procrastination

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how regardless of how busy we are, we still sometimes choose to procrastinate and do the tasks that aren’t the most important. But it’s hard to make a change if we don’t know what’s behind it. Not surprisingly, the root is emotional. No matter how well we plan, emotion tends to win over logic.

Whether you procrastinate by eating, doing non-essential tasks, or playing some online game, it’s our emotions that are responsible. Unfortunately, knowing that emotions are the root cause doesn’t mean you can simply stop procrastinating. Kathleen Davies offers some techniques for getting control of our self-sabotaging emotions in her blog post, Why We Procrastinate—And How to Stop,   She notes that procrastination is an emotion-management problem so that is what needs to be managed.

To begin to understand where your emotions are pulling you off track, start by listing everything that needs to get done (or as much as you can) and note which of these tasks are causing you stress or other negative emotions. Then pick one of those to complete along with an easier one. Once you do these, you’re likely to feel successful enough to tackle the bigger ones.

This list will also help keep you from something Davies calls procrastiworking. This is when we spend time doing the things that make us feel busy, but don’t really help our to-do list. It’s when we clean up our desks or go through our endless emails. We tell ourselves it’s work so we are getting things accomplished. It’s not the thing that we needed to get done but we still do it.

If specific action steps will help you to change your choices, Davies has four tips for beating procrastination:

  • Increase the room temperature – Research has shown that higher temperatures increase your focus.
  • Sunlight– Working where you get natural sunlight has also been shown to increase productivity.
  • Exercise during the workday – Doing it even for a short time improves memory and reduces stress while clearing your head and helping your focus more.
  • Setting a timer – Give yourself a block of time, perhaps 20 minutes, to work and allow yourself to take a break at the end.

To make a shift away from procrastiworking, first recognize that you are doing it. Next, go back to your to-do list. Identify the priorities and what steps you can take to deal with them. At the end of the day, assess how you did. To prevent it happening in the future – plan. Know how often you do it, learn to recognize it, and decide what you will do when it occurs. And notice the emotions and stress that come up before and after you’ve completed the tasks. Hopefully positive emotions can guide your future choices.

It’s interesting to note that for some people, procrastination can be useful. If you are someone who works best under a deadline, then waiting until that deadline is looming – and the adrenaline that accompanies this– can help you to be more efficient and effective. When you reach the point that you can’t put it off until tomorrow, you can’t get distracted. You have to stay focused. This doesn’t work for everyone, but if it does for you, then go for it!

But in addition to learning about where our emotions are causing us to veer off course, Davies also writes about the importance of stepping away from the task that is causing our stress.  She says, “Sometimes you just need to take a break. Go for a walk, talk with a friend, or do something that isn’t work. It’s not always worth just powering through.”

So, if reading this blog was procrastiworking for you (“But Hilda writes about libraries, so it’s work, right?”) then get back to your list. If one of the tools mentioned seems like it would support your success, go for it. Here’s to learning how to best use our time for our success.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Rediscover the Joy In Your Work

For the last several years, I’ve been teaching classes for school librarian students at several programs across the country. Universally, they bring the enthusiasm and joy that typically comes with a new career path, looking forward to the young learners they will work with. Yet all too often, as years pass, our enthusiasm dampens, and the joy disappears.

Like at the beginning of a relationship, there’s no way to remain bright-eyed as the years pass and we deal with the less than perfect aspects of our work. It’s stressful and draining. But the truth is – what we do matters. Perhaps even more than ever. We change lives. We help students develop their ability to go out into the world with critical thinking skills, an understanding of how learning never ends, and an awareness of the resources open to them. We need to restore our excitement in what we do and delight in seeing that change as it unfolds.

Jason McKenna recognized the importance of this in his blog post, Embracing the Teaching Marathon with Joy and Well-Being. He discusses the increasing burnout of educators, which includes librarians. and offers five strategies not only to deal with burnout but to “reinvigorate the passion and joy” at the heart of what we do.

  1. Create a not-to-do list – I discussed this strategy in my blog post To Do …And To Don’t. When we add more and more to our plate without taking anything off, we risk overwhelm and burnout. Just as new tech and other resources become available and are important to incorporate, older practices may become less so. It is helpful to take stock of your responsibilities and find new ways to manage them. What can you eliminate? Who or what can help?
  2. Embrace periods of unproductivity – It’s inefficient to go from one creative task to another without taking a break. Our brains don’t work that way, no matter how much we want to do the next thing. After finishing a complex report to your principal, don’t plunge into planning a lesson that will demonstrate a new resource that will foster critical thinking. Congratulate yourself and go through your email. It will allow a healthy shift. If being “unproductive” stresses you, think of it as “differently productive.”
  3. Redefine success metrics – Stop defining success as the number of things you have crossed off your to-do list. Qualitative results count more than quantitative ones. McKenna reminds you to consider how you felt as a project was being done or completed. Recognize and celebrate the ways you made a difference and the changes that happened along the way. Your emotional feelings that came from running a program are also a measure of how successful you were. It’s where the joy is.
  4. Prioritize dialogue over data –. An extension of the last item, notice the impact you’re making by talking to students and teachers and hearing how projects and programs impacted them. How many students became excited about what they were researching? How many teachers thanked you for the help you gave them? We touch lives. Be aware of the many ways you are doing it each day. Making connections with people, particularly one-to-one, reminds us of how we change lives in big and small ways. And it builds relationships and advocates.
  5. Protect your personal time diligently – Never having time for yourself – and the other priorities in your life- is a sure route to burnout and loss of joy. And the road back can be longer than we expect. Someone I know once said, we are human beings not human doings. Take the time for the things that bring your pleasure so you can refill your well.

Can you remember back to when you first decided to become a librarian? Do you remember your “Why?” My students have long lists for their why. Take some time to reconnect with your own passion for school libraries and school librarianship. Remember how much your work, your library, and your programs matter. Take in the ways you are succeeding – and have succeeded in the past – to bring renewed energy to your work.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Take A Walk

Self-care has got to be one of the most frequently given pieces of advice to help us manage stress. Unfortunately, as with much good advice, we nod in agreement and then don’t do anything about it because we are too busy. The irony is almost comical. We need self-care because we are all too busy and we’re too busy to start a self-care routine.

While many forms of self-care are suggested, from yoga to bubble baths, walking shows up probably more often than any other. There is a reason for that. It results in an array of positive results even when you don’t put much time into it, and it requires next to no equipment to get going.

Need a few more reasons or benefits to add more movement to your routine? JiJi Lee presents this list of Reasons to Get Outside and Move Around During Your Workday along with some ideas to actually implement it. Their suggestions are all about going outside, but if that’s not possible, indoor locations (or a treadmill) still provide a boost. The benefits include:

  • A Good Night’s Sleep – According to Lee, getting early sunlight can lead to a good night’s sleep as the early sunlight affects your circadian rhythms. For those who need coffee in the early afternoon because their eyes are closing, try a walk instead. The residual caffeine can affect your sleep at night.
  • Boost Your Creativity – A walk outside f you just can’t turn on your creative juices and a deadline is approaching, go for a walk outside. I have found it to be almost magical. As soon as I hit the fresh air, it’s as though my thoughts unlock. You don’t have to walk far, although Lee reports that Charles Dickens supposedly walked as much as 20 miles a day. As you walk, take in the scenery. Even if you take the same route every day, you will notice something new. Your eyes focus on distance rather than the close-up work of your desk or even the library.
  • Reduce Stress – We are well aware of the negative effects stress has on our professional and personal life. We are irritable with people for big and little things, which affect our relationships. There are medical effects including weight gain, high blood pressure, and anxiety/panic attacks. Walking lowers cortisol, the stress hormone. When you get outside, you can feel it flattening out.
  • Enhanced Productivity – We tend to think of going out for a walk as taking away valuable time, but in fact it results in more work getting done and frequently a higher quality. As Lee says, “it will help you reset, improve your attention and memory, and put you in a better headspace for your work”

So how to start this practice? Lee has the following recommendations:

  • Go for a walk in the morning – Get up a little earlier and head outside. It will start your day off right.
  • Schedule your breaks – Put breaks on your daily calendar or to-do list. Set an alarm. You know your schedule. Look for small chunks of time, even 10 minutes, to walk.
  • Have lunch outside – Do it alone or with a friend. Lee suggests pairing it with a gratitude journal. You get the benefit of some positive thoughts along with the benefits of fresh air.
  • Get off at an earlier stop – This works for those who take a bus. For those of you who don’t, park your car at a distance when you shop. Walk along the strip mall. Five minutes more won’t cause a problem – but it may prevent one later.
  • Walk around your floor – Don’t use inclement weather as an excuse. If the weather is bad, walk around your building. You will notice things differently. It’s not as good as going outside, but it’s better than staying inside your library.

I cannot say enough about how walking has benefited me. I’ve come up with book concepts, blog ideas, and made neighborhood friends because of this habit. Each day as I begin my walk, I feel the difference in my breathing, my stress, and my thinking. I urge you to find something like this for you (maybe it’s yoga, playing piano, or coloring). You will feel better for it and the benefits will spread beyond you.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Coping with Anxiety

Anxious, nervous, worried, fretful. So many words to express a state of mind we all experience at one time or another. These days seem to be coming more often. The news, job stress, book banning, and personal issues all find their way into our brain and our internal conversation, only heightening those emotions.

We all have situations that make us nervous. Right now, I’m worried about my upcoming state library conference. I will be giving a presentation tomorrow just before lunch. Me, a conference junkie, and I haven’t been to one in two years. My thoughts are racing. Will I remember to pack everything I need for my overnight stay? What about my presentation? Have I prepared enough? Will it be well received?

Major or minor, these anxiety-producing situations take a toll and keep us from bringing our best to whatever is on our plates. We need tools to deal with the draining effects of anxiety. Marlene Chism has a plan for us in 7 Practical Ways to Reduce Anxiety in Difficult Times.

  1. Challenge Your Thoughts – Notice what you’re thinking and take time to ask yourself – is it true? Our thoughts can be our worst enemy – negative internal conversations where we’re highly self-critical. Or we catastrophize, seeing all possible outcomes in the worst possible light. We won’t ever stop those voices from popping up in our heads, but Chism suggests we note their presence and say, “Thanks for sharing,” then find a way to shift our attention.
  2. Stop Ruminating – You may have a repetitive strain of negative thoughts going on. Chism suggests finding a way to break that cycle before it becomes a habit. To do this, move to a more soothing thought. Instead of constantly thinking, “I’ll never get more budget money” meet that concern with a thought about going for a grant or creating a DonorsChoose campaign.
  3. Eliminate Blame – Chism says blame is about the past and makes you a victim. It keeps us away from taking responsibility and creating change. Recognize your choices and take back your power. Instead of continually seeing the administration as the cause of no new budget dollars, you can look for ways to make the library more visible so the administration is more likely to support your initiatives.
  4. Unplug from the Media – This is a reminder that, “Watching the news or engaging in social media non-stop is toxic to your health, takes up time and wastes precious energy…” Many of us are what’s known as “data responsive.” We can’t help but feel anxious and worried when we hear about the state of things, even if these are things we can’t help. Limiting exposure to this information decreases anxiety.
  5. Create Structure – Reliability and predictability decrease anxiety. Our structures began falling apart during the pandemic. Many of us are still putting new ones in place. Structure affects behavior and builds routines. Routines build habit. Habits build accomplishments. If you make time to recognize the accomplishments, you can quiet the negative thoughts.
  6. Get Organized – Build on the previous step by creating organization in your environment. This is good for home and work. Chism says, “There’s something about the physical activity of organizing that can help you clear your mind, whether at work or at home.” The author further suggests you organize your mental environment by putting all your concerns and worries down on paper and determining how you will deal with them and when you will do it. This will also help you notice some of the other steps – including negative thoughts, ruminating, and blame.
  7. Rekindle Relationships – The pandemic proved that humans are social animals and how much we thrive with connection. We wither when we don’t have contact with others. Yes, we see and work with people daily, but it’s our relationships that refresh us. Sometimes it’s a case of a “problem shared is a problem halved.” Other times, it’s putting your cares away for a time and allowing the freedom of just enjoying being with those you care about. Get coffee with friends. Share lunch with your volunteers. Make your relationships a priority.

Our anxieties won’t go away, but we can keep them under control. As for me, I’m focused on my priorities and to-do list for today and reminding myself that I’ve had many successful presentations in the past, and I can trust that I’m bringing something of value. Best of all, I will be seeing my friends and colleagues again.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Calming Your Inner Turmoil

Over the next weeks, the school year will begin again. Much as we love our jobs, it’s not easy to step back into work as responsibilities and tasks, old and new, fill our to-do lists. Time management skills notwithstanding, it’s a challenge to slow down and focus on what needs to come first. What is the priority? What is urgent? 

The old slogan, “haste makes waste,” is a reminder that if we go too fast, we will skip things and miss what really needs to be done. But knowing this and doing something about it is difficult when people are coming to you, sending emails, and demanding your immediate help.

In Inner Peace — Be Cool, Calm, and Collected, Frank Sonnenberg offers fifteen guideposts to calm your swirling brain. To help you find a little focus and calm try any one or more of these:

Accept Responsibility – In our frustration, we sometimes blame others for what is going wrong. Sonnenberg reminds us to recognize our part in making the choices we did.

Find Your Purpose–Look to your Mission and core values. Post them where you can see them. Review them as you start your workday and connect to the positive feelings they bring to you.

Live with Honor – You are a leader. Integrity is an integral component of that leadership. People need to count on you. You keep your word and don’t compromise the core values you hold.

Be Reasonable–This is with yourself. Perfection is an illusion. Excellence is the goal–but know when good is enough. Not every task requires the same level of effort. Save your time and energy for what really matters.

Develop Trusting Relationships–Our relationships support us, and we need to support them. Reaching out and helping brings people to us. Our integrity keeps them. We build advocates and extra hands when needed.

Make Everyone a Winner–Putting others in the spotlight and giving meaningful compliments makes people feel good. The practice makes us feel good as well. Definitely a win-win habit.

Be Thankful – Gratitude for what you have rather than longing for what you don’t gives you a better outlook on life. This translates into how you present yourself to others. They are then more likely to respond positively to you.

Strive for Balance – Sonnenberg reminds us the journey is as important as the goal. Those you meet along the way, the time you give them, are as important as meeting the deadline you set. Make the time for family and friends. And make the time for yourself.

Learn to Say “No” – Set boundaries for yourself. You can’t do everything. The fuller your plate, the less likely that important stuff gets all the attention it needs. In dealing with teachers, try “what if we….” By offering an alternative that requires less of your time, you will do a better job and stay calmer.

Live in the Moment–Whenever you can, don’t worry about past mistakes or potential future failure. You can’t change the past (although you can learn from it). You don’t know what the future will bring, so worrying about it is a waste of energy.

Unclutter Your World–This is an extension of living in the moment. We have so many conversations with ourselves during the day. Too many of them are negative. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.

Control What You Can–You can’t control others’ behavior or what life throws at you. You can control how you respond and act. And the choices you make are what define who you are.

Be True to Yourself–This includes living with honor. It also means seeing who you truly are and celebrating you. You earned it. Be proud of what you achieve and how you achieved it.

Build Good Karma– Doing good is no guarantee of good karma, but, as Sonnenberg says, “seeing others’ happiness is, by itself, a worthy reward.”

Hold Your Head Up High–Be proud of yourself. You are a good person. When you start by believing in yourself, others will follow.

Don’t try to do everything on this list! You’ve got enough to do. Choose the ones that speak to you, keep them in mind and to help you stay calm as the new year gets underway.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Managing Frustration

You know the feeling. The internet is down just as you are setting up for a lesson. You had the item in your hand, put it down some place, and now you can’t find it. The secretary called to say the principal can’t make the meeting you had scheduled to discuss a project after you spend days preparing.

You just want to scream.

Worse, as frustration and anger fill your mind it becomes almost impossible to figure out what to do next. Now, with so much waiting to get done, you are frozen in your tracks. Your self-talk is turned up to a litany of negative phrases. This is too hard. Why am I even trying? No one cares. It goes on.

So here you are again. The new challenge is to get past the emotional turmoil as quickly as possible and tackle the tasks at hand. John Mattone in How Leaders Can Control Their Frustrations with Team Members, offers sound advice to the business world. Much of what he says applies to us as well. It all goes back to managing our emotional response to whatever has triggered the frustration.

First Mattone discusses the importance between Reacting vs. Responding – When you react, you let other people or situations take control. A leader needs to keep that from happening. is instinctive. Responding is proactive and puts you back in control. Look at the obstacle that has caused the frustration. Is it a permanent situation or is it temporary? If it is permanent, work on alternate means of achieving your ultimate goal. If it is merely a postponement, consider how you might make good use of the unexpected time.

In order to respond rather than react, it’s important to be aware of:

  • Emotional Control –When emotions are ruling you, your cognitive thinking isn’t functioning. It’s not about ignoring or denying your frustration or the connected emotions, it is, as Mattone says, being aware of the emotions and not letting them rule you which is “proof that a leader has mastered self-awareness and is emotionally intelligent.” When frustration rises, pause. The age-old advice for anger is to count to ten. A pause is vital. Take a deep breath. Acknowledge the emotion. That will reduce it immediately. Then, once you’re thinking clearer, begin the process of how you are going to handle the situation.
  • Understanding Emotions – Emotions are an important part of our lives, giving us feedback as to what is working and what is not. When positive emotions are present, your self-talk is encouraging and you acknowledges your ability to make things work. You are also more supportive and positive with the people around you. The sooner you understand your emotions, the sooner you can respond (not react) and work effectively with those around you.
  • Preparing for High Stress Situations – They are going to happen, and they’re rarely (unfortunately) predictable. Accepting and anticipating the inevitability of these situations will help you to respond rather than react. Accepting means when one occurs you say to yourself, “here it is again.”  Not in high emotion, but with understanding. Anticipating means you have identified potential obstacle that may interfere with your plans and/or work flow so that when it happens, you’re as ready as possible.

The better you are at dealing with the frustrations inherent on your job and in your life, the more people will see you as the calm in a storm. It allows others to see you as a leader. And hopefully will lead to fewer frustrations in the future.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

In the Heat of the Moment

We are all stressed. And we are dealing with people who are stressed. The combination can lead to sudden eruptions of temper. Words spill out. More are exchanged, and you are left with the fallout. It’s not pretty, and it can have long-term consequences.

How do you feel after one of these verbal explosions? Exhausted? Still simmering? Annoyed with yourself? Are you re-thinking what the other person said? What you said or should have said?

We are in the relationship business. Having a professional relationship with everyone in the building is a job requirement for school librarians. We can’t afford to lose our temper in the heat of the moment. We need to quickly defuse the heat whether it’s ours or theirs.

It’s important to anticipate these outbursts and possibly more important to know how to deal with the consequences. Knowing these confrontations are bound to occur, have a plan for dealing with it to lessen occurrences and/or any damage it does to relationships.

The Leadership Freak’s blog post offers sage advice, giving 7 Proactive Responses to Hot Emotions. The title refers to the focus of the post: reactions are too often an out-of-control response to a situation. As he says in his list of “7 Dangers of Reacting, “The more you react, the more your thinking congeals,” and “The more you react, the more negative consequences you experience.”

The “5 Emotions that Switch on Reaction-mode” according to the Leadership Freak are ones we experience frequently. The first he mentions is Stress, and, as noted we are living with high stress. Discouragement is another emotion he identifies. So many librarians are feeling frustrated about schedules that keep them from doing their job as librarians. It’s no wonder that things boil over.

To deal with these situations, Leadership Freak suggests “7 Powerful Proactive Responses to Hot Emotions.”

  • Gratitude – Thank the person for bringing the issue to your attention. When you do this, focus on the message the other person is sending, not the manner of delivery.
  • Acknowledgement –  Recognizes the other person’s feelings. There are two of you (or more) in this moment. Notice what is happening for them.
  • Space – A time-tested technique for any relationship, personal or professional. It’s counting to ten or the parent classic, “Go to your room, I am too angry to deal with you now.” In the work setting “Give me some time to think about this” achieves the same aim.

If you respond offensively or defensively when someone’s hostility is directed at you, you set off an escalating confrontation. You will need to invest time and effort to restore the relationship to where it was previously. If others were present to hear it you may have some repairs to do there as well.

The scenario is somewhat different when you are the one who starts the conflict. It maybe you were asked to do one more thing and just exploded. Whatever triggered your reaction is not as important as what you do after. That step is crucial.

As soon as possible, apologize, another of Leadership Freak’s proactive responses. It’s best to do so without adding reasons. Start with, “I’m sorry. There is no excuse for my behavior.” Justification is a natural way to remove some of the blame (and shame), but you will get the relationship back on track much faster if you take full responsibility.

And remember, what is true in the work world is also true in your personal life. These outbursts will happen. Be pro-active to de-escalate them rapidly. The more clearly we can communicate, the less stress we’ll have in our relationships and our lives.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Take Time to Get Outside

We live in an almost constant state of stress, and this was true before the pandemic added a new layer and level. In the words of the late comedienne Gilda Radnor, “If it’s not one thing, it’s another.” There is nothing new in our need to deal with too much pushing in on us. One of the best methods of managing stress is taking time out of usual environments and, if possible, into nature.

The Romantic poet. William Wordsworth wrote this sonnet around 1802.

The World Is Too Much with Us

The world is too much with us; late and soon,

Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;—

Little we see in Nature that is ours;

We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!

This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;

The winds that will be howling at all hours,

And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;

For this, for everything, we are out of tune;

It moves us not. Great God! I’d rather be

A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;

So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,

Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;

Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;

Or hear old Triton blow his wreathèd horn.

Apparently even back then, “getting and spending” was a preoccupation,” and we were already out of touch with nature. “We are out of tune” – then and now.

Getting out is about moving at the pace of your choice.  It’s taking the time to see the world around you. It’s about greeting people as you go. And it’s about thinking– literally — outside the box that is the place you work.

We need to make getting out a priority in our lives. No matter our work and life schedule, we benefit from choosing a way to destress. The caveat is the choosing because what we mostly see is where there is too much to complete, too many errands to run – and doing errands is not getting out.

So, with all you have to and need to do, how can you get out? Ryan Tahmaseb proposes 7 Ways to Get Outside More Often. Hopefully, one or more of these will work for you, and the benefits are enormous.

  1. Schedule a walk – Until this becomes a habit, you need to put it on your to-do list. Plan the time.  Will you do it at lunch?  If so, you will come back energized and are likely not to experience the afternoon slump. Does the timing of your free period work better?  Or maybe it’s after you get home and before starting dinner – or even after dinner. Whatever works, schedule it. Tahmaseb suggests, consider going with a friend.  You will hold each other accountable. Think about what best fits you and your life.  Set yourself up for success.
  2. Take Phone Calls Outside – This can be a great addition to any personal calls you make.  It’s not my favorite idea since your mind is preoccupied with whatever is happening on the phone, which may be stressful, but you are breathing outside air and that helps. It may encourage you to get off the phone faster and since you’re already outside – stay a little longer.
  3. Move Small Meetings Outside – This may not be an available option but is worth considering to see if it’s an option.  The meeting is likely to go better. Suggest it to your principal or a committee chair. 
  4. Eat Outside – You can eat your lunch, and then go for a walk.  Burn off the calories.  You may enroll any lunch companions to join you. Before long you might have a cadre of walkers. Even just sitting in the sun for that time with a book will lighten your stress.
  5. Try Walking Meetings – If it’s no more than 3 or 4 people, this may be a possibility. You can record your notes as you go.  It is worth trying and it may stimulate creative approaches to the discussion. Or make meetings go faster!
  6. Bring Your Work Outside – If you can’t afford to give up the work you do during your free period, do it outside. The work will feel easier.  You will breathe better.  And you may find, as I do, the creative juices flow when you are outside.
  7. Just Take a Short Break – Step outside for a few minutes.  If you are attuned to it, you will be aware of the change in your mindset.  If you can’t eat outside, try to finish lunch a little early and take those minutes to yourself.

There is no doubt that changing your environment can change your outlook and being outside can almost instantly change your mood. Watch for the birds, notice the clouds. Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. Do what you can to get into the habit of going outside now.  It will be easier to continue it when winter comes. You will be healthier and less stressed if you do.