Posted on by hildaweisburg

Your Inner Voice Is Speaking Out Loud

Do you talk to yourself? Probably. Most people do whether we realize it or not. While these silent talks are about a lot of things, much of our inner conversations are about ourselves. So, here’s the important question: Do you speak kindly or harshly?

The truth is we are far more insulting of ourselves than we ever would be with anyone else. This would be bad enough if our internal diatribe remained silent, but we are unknowingly broadcasting these thoughts in our interactions with others. And the messages we are sending out keep us from reaching our full potential as leaders.

Suzy Burke, Ryan Berman, and Rhett Power deal with this common syndrome in their article, 5 Proven Self-Talk Strategies to Strengthen Leadership. In their opening, the authors state: “Leading others starts with self-leadership.” It always starts with you. You are the face of the library. Others take in the messages you send and, from there, they decide if you are sure of your goals and know how to get there. Yu are telling them, intentionally or not, whether they should trust you.  And trust is the foundation of relationship, which in turn leads to the cooperation/collaboration and advocacy you need.

Here are their five strategies along with my tweaks which makes their business focus more appropriate for us:

  1. Self-talk is the hidden saboteur of leadership. In the authors terms, we are involved in worry-wars on many levels and almost constantly. The current Worry War is, for most of us, the societal/political one which has turned the librarians and libraries into prime targets. Additional wars involve budget and staff cuts along with personal ones including financial stresses, family relationships, responsibilities, and whatever else is going on in your life. When any one of these areas show up, your self-critic starts talking and the negative talk adds to the worry.
  2. Every leader has a monster. Many of us, me included, see how talented, skilled, and resourceful other librarians are. We compare and see ourselves as falling short of them. But that comparison is a monster lying in wait. The authors say, “That voice doesn’t just shape your day, it shapes everything.” It shows up in how you hear, what you believe of yourself and how you respond. You do not want to leave this “monster” in charge of your work.
  3. Your mindset isn’t fixed. As lifelong learners, we understand this. Many of us have successfully changed a negative mindset into a positive one. The authors acknowledge that since you will never keep the negative mindset away forever, they offer a three step approach to make the need shift: Catch – Identify when a monster is taking over. Your anxiety is one way to recognize its presence; Confront – Challenge you mindset with facts. For me, it’s when the word “never” is in my thoughts:, Change – Now reframe the thought with a more positive, truthful one.
  4. There is more than one type of monster. – Just what you needed to hear.  According to the authors we must deal with these five monsters:
    • Catastrophizer -This is going to be a disaster.
    • Always Righter – This needs to be perfect, and I’m never going to get it right.
    • Mind Reader –  I know how you are going to react to this situation.
    • Over-generalizer  – This didn’t work, and it’s all downhill from there.
    • Should-er – I should have known better. And now of course, it’s too late.

      The more practice we have spotting each of these monsters within ourselves, the better we get at not letting them be the ones to lead.
  5. Self-talk can be your leadership plutonium. – When you know how to reverse (or lower the decibel level) of negative self-talk, you power up your leadership. While we are talking to ourselves, our bodies are sending out the message of our thoughts. Our face, arms, and tone of voice combine to tell the world what we are thinking—and what monster is in charge. This is why that earlier quote, “Leading others starts with self-leadership” is so important to remember.

Leaders keep growing and learning new skills. Have you seen yourself here? If so, this can be an important lesson for you to incorporate into your leadership. Your interactions students, teachers, administrators, and others you interact with will be more productive as a result. And you might just find yourself feeling better overall!

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Quieting Your Inner Critic

It’s a new school year. Were you eager to get back or were you worried? How is it going so far? What’s that voice in your head saying?

If you are a first-year school librarian there is so much uncertainty. Of course, this is true if here you are in a new district or have been moved to a different level. Even if you are in the same school and have been for several years, there is much to concern you. The job has always required a lot of responsibilities in many areas and the political climate around the world has caused more stress.

And uncertainty breeds self-doubt.

So it’s no wonder that your inner critic might be talking loudly and often to you. How can we quiet this noise in our heads that can derail our actions and our mindsets? John Millen, CEO of the Reputation Group, a leadership communication company, offers sound advice in his blog post, 5 Ways to Control Negative Self-Talk.

First, Millen explains what that voice really is and its cost.

The silent saboteur – That’s what it is. It’s an insidious voice, whispering things you would never say to a friend. It erodes your confidence and alters your behavior. Millen states: Negative self-talk is one of the most overlooked obstacles to success. It quietly erodes your confidence, damages your relationships, and undermines your ability to lead. You become less confident in your ability to do what you know what you can. The costs, with my comments, are as follows:

  • Imposter syndrome: You minimize your strengths, only seeing how other people do it better.
  • Fear of speaking up: You don’t suggest ideas to teachers fearing it won’t go well, and they will think you are inept.
  • Perfectionism: You keep delaying putting new ideas into practice because you are afraid if it’s not perfect it will fail.
  • Burnout: The pressure and continuous self-doubt take a toll. You hate going to work each day. You slog through, counting the hours till it’s time to leave.

To turn this around, here are Millen’s five ways to get control of your inner critic, again with my comments.

1. Name the voice – Know who is talking to you. Two of Millen’s names are “The Heckler” and “The Judge”. Choose one that works for you. Pick your favorite villain from a book, especially one where the hero defeats the villain.

2. Ask: Would I say this to someone else? – You know that answer. Of course not. What would you say to a friend who said that? What would you say to that friend instead?

3. Reframe the message – Watch out for absolutes like “I never” or “I always.” It’s not about being perfect (see above). Ask what you learned from it. That means you are growing.

4. Keep a thought journal – Those of you who are journalers can get behind this idea. Noticing the thought is a way from separating yourself from the emotions triggered by the thought. Seeing what you said and then recognizing where it’s not true will help silence your Heckler.

5. Practice self-compassion – Give yourself a break. It was a super busy day. You had a bad night’s sleep. This is part of self-care. We are all human. Remember – what would that good friend say to you.

Will this make your inner critic disappear. Sadly, no. But you can mute it when you recognize it for what is and implement these ideas for halting it. You are a leader and people are rightfully counting on you. Your inner critic is wrong. You are doing a great job. Make it a good year.