Posted on by hildaweisburg

Humility as a Superpower

Humility: A modest or low view of one’s importance. Humbleness. Freedom from pride or arrogance.

What was your first thought when seeing the title for this blog? Was it confusion? Understandable because it sounds counterintuitive. I write and present often about leadership and discuss power. So where does humility fit in? In a world where rampant ego is projected as a superpower and proof of leadership, humility seems to lurk in the shadows, frequently associated with religious values.

And yet… there is more to humility in good leaders and leadership than you think. In Humility as a Psychological Task for Leaders, Dr. Paul J Dunion describes humility as a hidden treasure and identifies the five tasks necessary and then lists the benefits. These are the tasks he gives along with my suggestions for how we might incorporate them into our leadership:

  1. Gaining comfort with one’s limits – None of us are perfect. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Know both. When you accept that you have weaknesses, you can ask for help in those areas. I am a big picture person and tend to overlook what seems like obvious details. I usually check with someone who can help me see what I missed.
  2. An increased acceptance of their imperfection – It’s embarrassing when we notice we’ve made a mistake or overlooked something. But this is both normal and acceptable. Dunion says those who have “exaggerated expectations of achievements (get) caught in striving for perfection.” And since that’s unachievable, it becomes exhausting and detrimental to success.
  3. Radical accountability – Admitting mistakes is hard. It can make you feel you aren’t good enough. One form of accountability is accepting and owning the mistakes you make. A second, which Dunion recommends, is to practice gratitude instead for all the help you have received and for the help you will need in the future.
  4. A heartfelt commitment to be rightsized – Too often, we try to project we don’t have weakness because we want to appear confident in dealing with the increasing demands of our jobs. Don’t inflate yourself, your abilities or your accomplishments to keep up with expectations. Neither should you downplay and make what you have done smaller as a way to not be noticed. Either will get you in trouble down the line. Being rightsized is “a measure of (your) competencies, (your) shortcomings, and the true nature of (your) achievements.”
  5. A capacity to appreciate and acknowledge the strengths and accomplishments of others– It doesn’t make you “less” when you acknowledge what someone else has accomplished. If you acknowledge a teacher, you are likely to build or strengthen your relationship and role as a leader. When it’s a librarian who has done something special, that person can possibly help you achieve the same.

And here are his Benefits:

  • Leaders can access a capacity to offer inclusivity, empathy, and inspiration – Which is how we want to be with our students and teachers.
  • Leaders begin to experience a refined sense of security as their limits and mistakes are welcome – Having acknowledged you aren’t always right, makes mistakes unthreatening.
  • Leaders experience a deepened sense of being trustworthy – No matter how you try to hide mistakes, they are recognized by others (and yourself). Being honest about mistakes build trust.
  • Humility allows leaders to be less competitive with colleagues and more able to acknowledge and appreciate their strengths – Honestly knowing your strengths – and weaknesses helps you see more realistically.
  • As humble leaders are honest and define themselves as okay with their shortcomings, their cultures take on more psychological safety – It makes it easier for your colleagues and students to acknowledge their mistakes making everyone feel safer.

You have a big job and many people need you. Don’t try to be perfect. Accept your limits along with your achievements. Work on giving your best and continuing to be the lifelong learners you are as a librarian.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Humility, Relationships & Leadership

Since childhood we have been schooled in not praising ourselves. By extension, we’re told that leaders shouldn’t go around boasting about their accomplishments. While there is a time for humility and for bringing others into our accomplishments, there is a difference between puffing yourself up and knowing how to receive compliments. If when we receive one, we turn it away, we not only make ourselves smaller, we minimize another’s opinion. In addition, since this tends to be a habit more practiced by women than men, it undermines their ability to be seen as leaders.

In her blog post, The Risk of Self-Effacement? “Self-Erasement” – Do’s & Don’ts, Leslie Williams explores how this type of humility diminishes you, the work you’ve done, and the person who complimented you. Williams gives six instances of when you might inadvertently send messages you hadn’t intended and how to respond instead.

  1. When Someone Compliments Your Work – This is one of the most common situations. Do you automatically say, “It was no big deal” and/or mention what you did wrong. The easiest way to respond is to say, “Thank You.” This acknowledges that you value what the other person said and what you accomplished. When it fits the situation, you can be generous in giving praise to any who were part of the success. That’s honest humility. A good leader knows how to share the spotlight and promote the work of others. Doing so not only builds relationships, it also builds advocates.
  2. When Disagreeing – Own your opinion but do so respectfully. Your goal usually is to convince them to see your point of view. Williams says they are not likely to do so if they sense your disdain, Also, don’t feint agreement, by nodding and smiling. As Williams says, if you disagree, “don’t make nice.”
  3. When Asking a Question – Williams cautions you not to say “I have a stupid question” or other ways of minimizing what you are about to ask. Say outright, “I have a question,” or state you wish to propose another perspective or issue. Own your curiosity and desire to learn more.
  4. When Negotiating Salary – After making sure you are aware of the salary scale for the position you want, know all the things you bring to the table What courses or certifications might add to what your new salary will be? What volunteer work shows your leadership, collaborative, and problem solving abilities? How confidently you present yourself affects the respect and value the administration will place on you – as well as your salary.
  5. When Managing Your Career –Too many librarians are so grateful to be tenured, they fail to read the handwriting on the wall. They are afraid to try to move to another district and only do so when their job has been eliminated. You are in a much stronger position when you still have a job than when you are seeking one. Don’t bad-mouth the district you hope to leave, but instead focus on what you feel you can achieve better in this new district – and all the qualifications you bring with you.
  6. What About You? – How self-effacing are you? Williams asks you to watch yourself over the next week. Try to catch yourself when responding or acting in a self-effacing manner. Record the action. Later, reflect on what caused the response. How did you feel in the moment? What could you have done differently? Is there a way you could have owned your success? And think about what the long term cost to you could be if you continue to respond this way?

Humility has its place. So does recognizing your accomplishments and successes. There’s no need to boast, but know how to accept praise, ask questions, and manage your career. And the more you are able to hear and accept praise, the more likely you are to take the next risk to grow as a leader.