Posted on by hildaweisburg

What is Your Body Saying?

We are in constant communication. When alone, we communicate with ourselves by what we’re thinking, whether it’s a negative assessment, a positive mindset reframing, or a review of what is next on our to-do list. But non-verbal communication happens as we interact with others. And all the time.

A teacher greets you in the hall. At a barely conscious level, you access your history with them. Do you have a good working relationship? Is there one you are trying to establish? Have they been resistant to your previous outreaches? You also note how they look. Upbeat and happy? Tired? Annoyed?

While you are receiving this non-verbal message, the teacher is receiving your non-verbal message. Do you know what your body is saying? All of this occurs mostly without conscious thought, but that doesn’t make it less impactful. And when you begin talking, these non-verbal messages affect the response you are likely to get.

 As a leader, it’s important to be aware of how and what you communicate. I wrote about the many types and ways we communicate in my book, The Art of Communication: A Librarian’s Guide for Successful Leadership, Collaboration, and Advocacy (Libraries Unlimited, 2022) (currently less expensive in print than in Kindle!). I addressed our library world, of course, but the business world is also discussing the importance of understanding the many channels of communication we use.

Cheryl Robinson tackles the topic in her article, “What Your Body Language Says About Your Leadership Impact.” She notes, “Research underscores that body language has a greater influence on perception than verbal language alone. Positive, consistent body language reinforces trust and authority, while incongruent or negative cues may lead to misinterpretation or distrust.” Robinson goes on to detail how and what you are communicating.

Key Elements of Leadership Body Language

  • Body Movement – How are you sitting and standing? Fidgeting doesn’t send a leadership message. Sit up. Hands relaxed. A meeting with your principal or an upset parent is the most likely time to stay aware of this.
  • Posture – Shoulders back. Don’t slouch. It sounds obvious, but if you are not conscious of where your body is in space, you may he hunched over or low in a chair without realizing it.
  • Facial Expressions – Looking interested is important, but don’t overdue do it. Be animated, but not false. Faking it can be seen and negatively interpreted.
  • Space/Distance – Each of us occupies a physical space that extends beyond our body based on our size and culture. Too near is intimidating. Too far shows disinterest. Be aware of what you are doing and the (dis)comfort of those around you.
  • Gestures and Eye Contact – Open gestures are inviting, but too much gesturing is distracting, taking away from your message. You’ll seem frenetic and anxious. Maintaining eye contact shows trust and confidence (although be aware of cultures that consider it intrusive). Smiling genuinely is always positive.

I’d also add to this list: Listen attentively. Pausing before responding shows you paid attention to what was said.

Think of the best leaders you know. What do they project? How do they do it? Robinson states, “Maintaining a strong yet inviting presence is essential to conveying leadership effectively.” As leaders and librarians, we are in the relationship business. Being aware of what we are communicating enhances our ability to build these relationships. Know what messages you are sending and become a more effective and connected leader.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Time for a Reboot

New calendar, new planner, new month, new year. The start of a new year is the ideal time to take stock of where you are and where you want to go. You have completed about half of the school year and had your winter break. It’s time to return to work.

What will that work be? Will it be a daily slog till the end of the year? That doesn’t sound like a leader. When your computer gets sluggish, you reboot it. Now it’s your turn for a reboot.

In his article, Warning: Upgrade Your Personal Operating Model, Arne Gast opens with the statement: Effective leaders continually adapt their priorities, roles, time, and energy practices to stay ahead of new realities. He then goes on to present numerous steps to the business workers on how to move their career forward. Much of his advice can be applied to our work life. Here are some of the key steps along with my interpretations for the library program.

Assess your priorities – What is your main purpose? Look at your Mission Statement. Does it still capture the focus of what your program needs to be? Tweak it if it doesn’t. Remind yourself of what is at the core of what you do. Let these priorities inspire you.

Do you fully understand your mandates? – Who are your stakeholders? Do you fully understand their wants and needs and how the library meets them? Remember these 4 Truths:

  • Every library, regardless of its type, is part of a larger host system.
  • Every library, regardless of its type, gets all its funds and resources from this larger host system.
  • Those funds and resources depend on the value of the library to the larger host system.
  • That value is determined by the larger host system.

What can you quit doing now? – This is a tough but important one. How many projects do you have going? What’s in your daily routine that drains your time and energy? Can any be reduced or combined? Or still better – eliminated? If not, look to plan these things according to your energy. Tackle the least important (ex: emails) at your least productive/creative time of day.

Are you focused on the work that only you can do? – We bring greater breadth and depth to the educational program. What are you bringing to students? Teachers? Administrators? How are you implementing your Mission Statement on a daily basis? What, if anything, do you need to change? You are the only librarian in your building. Let your unique contribution shine.

Who has your back? – Which teachers collaborate or cooperate with you regularly? Does your principal know and support the work you do? The underlying question is how successfully have you been in building advocates for the library? After you answer this, determine what do you still need to do. Create an advocacy plan for the remainder of the year if you don’t have one in place.

Manage your time – We’re tired of hearing this, but there are only so many hours in a day. The skill of time management is to maximize what time is available. (And this goes back to “Whaht Can You Quit Now). Have a basic schedule for when you do certain tasks, recognizing there will always be incidents that require immediate attention. The schedule helps you get back on track. Know your most productive times. Use the least productive time for routine, almost non-thinking, tasks.

Optimize your energy – No one can keep going without draining their inner batteries. You need time to recover and restore your energy. Incorporate self-care and time for family and friends into your schedule (yes, put it in that new planner(. You will be more productive and bring a more positive mindset to your work day.

Who are your real friends? – Who are the people with whom you can safely and appropriately vent? Who do you talk to when you are stressed out? In addition to your PLN (professional learning network) you should have another PLN — a personal learning network which should include family members and good friends.

Gast’s steps will get you ready to return and be the leader you need to be. I have one more step.

Make time for gratitude – It’s easy to be negative. So much is wrong in education and in other areas of our lives and the world. Focusing on that gets us nowhere. Make it a point each day to find three things for which you are grateful. It can be as small as a teacher thanking you for a website or app you found for them. Or it can be as big as getting a grant. You’ll find your spirits lift when you notice these moments

Positive leaders attract others to them. Use these steps to recharge, recommit, and be ready to step into success.

Happy New Year.

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It’s a Wicked World. Make It Work for You

There’s no question that things have gotten wicked these days. It’s hard not to be fearful and stressed, but that way takes the joy out of what we do. We know our students and teachers need us to be our best. How can we deal with the climate we face?

We are leaders. We don’t react; we act. It’s time to generate positive PR about school libraries and school librarians. And what better way to do it than to tap into the popular (see what I did there?) movie Wicked to inspire us and bring some levity to a serious challenge.

Kim Marcus guides you through the process in her article, 5 PR Lessons From Wicked and Its Most Iconic Characters. Laugh a little as you apply their route to success into your world.

Elphaba: Own Your Narrative – This is one we must develop. Like Elphaba, we have often been unfairly cast in the role of villain. Markus says, “Be proactive in telling your story.” We are good at tech and story. Be creative in using video, well-designed infographics, and other tools of our trade to show what kids are learning and doing.  Design a logo and tagline if you haven’t done so yet and look for ways to get it out to your school community and the larger one that doesn’t understand the depth of complexity of what a librarian’ s job is.

Glinda: Embrace What Makes You Extraordinary – Glinda knows all about how to be popular and win others over. We know how to connect learning to life and life to learning. We know how to find the “just-right” book for a kid and the most helpful tech resources to power a teacher’s lesson. Take in your strengths and use them to send your message out to the communities you serve.

The Wizard: Avoid Misleading Narratives – We aren’t the ones using smoke and mirrors to send out the misleading and fictitious narratives, but we do need to counter it. For these PR techniques, this means being mindful of avoiding the pitfall of “not statements.” Never say what we don’t do. Thinking we are countering that message by denying it, we are in fact reinforcing it. People tend to blank out the “not’s” when recalling points made.

Madame Morrible: The Power of Influence – The best way to deliver your message is to have someone else say it. Advocacy is always the key. Students’ showing their projects created through using the library and commenting on what the library means to them are your first best influencers. They tell teachers and parents who speak more often to administrators. Those fanning the campaigns against school librarians claim students are being damaged. Let your students show their successes and growth.

The Townsfolk: Build Word-of-Mouth Trust – Marcus points out it was the townsfolk who spread the lies about Elphaba. Our townsfolk, or a vocal section of them, are doing the same to us. Make a point of getting out into your community. Go to and use local businesses. Mention as if in passing that you are the librarian at the school. Make positive comments about the business. In other word, build a relationship. Look for opportunities to help them with a tech issue and/or find information they need.

It is definitely time to defy the gravity of negativity pulling us down. Tap into these lessons from Wicked. Because every librarian deserves the chance to fly.

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Quiet Doesn’t Have To Go Unnoticed

You know it’s important for others to view you as a vital part of the educational community. But what if you are an introvert? How can you get your message out when you are uncomfortable speaking up and actively sharing your accomplishments?

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how extroverts can benefit from using some of the strengths of introverts (Leadership Strengths of Introverts). These are the strengths you use naturally. For example, you are likely a deep and aware listener. You are good at tuning into what the teachers are saying or hearing the places where your principal is struggling. This awareness is a powerful skill when used purposefully. Knowing what others want and need, seeing where your skills can support them, allows you to help them get it. You don’t need to talk. Just do.

In her article, How to Get Noticed at Work as a Quiet Person, Jessica Chen, author of Smart Not Loud: How to Get Noticed At Work For All the Right Reasons, provides several suggestions you can use to support your success:

  • How you talk about your wins – Telling people how great you are or how well a program did is very uncomfortable for you. This isn’t necessarily a problem, since people often discount what they hear if they feel it is bragging. What you can do that will feel more comfortable is focus on the success of those you worked with. Talk about something the students created or about the teacher who worked with you on a learning project.
  • Spend time – Which teachers are considered stars? Which ones talk up about the great things they have done? Make it a point to spend time with them and find ways to collaborate with them. They will spread the word. They always do. And this time, you will be included in what they are saying.
  • Find your differentiating factor – Chen asks you to take the time to identify what it is you like to do and comes easily to you. Chances are, this is something that is challenging and/or less fun for others. Don’t discount it because it’s easy for you. This is your superpower. Once you know what it is, stop and think about who can benefit from it.
  • Link your talent to opportunity – Listen (already one of your skills) for more opportunities where you can offer your superpower to help someone. (Don’t worry, you don’t have to call it your superpower.) Knowing how to meet people’s needs and wants is a great way to get noticed by them. When you work in collaboration, there are more people to talk about the success – which means you can say less.
  • Expand your reach – Think bigger. Look for school and district committees where your talents and skills support their long and short-term goals. Once on the committee, do what you do so well – wait, watch, and listen. You will soon see ways you can help and once you do, your contributions will be noticed.
  • Advocating for yourself – Promotion yourself can be a huge challenge for introverts. Chen suggests using the acronym ACCT to guide you.
  • “A” is for Asking for what you want – Things won’t be given to us just because we work hard. Only you know what you need. Get clear, get specific, and ask. Your ongoing success depends on your speaking up for yourself.
  • “C” is for Circling Back – Most of the time you won’t get an immediate answer to your ask. This means you need to ask again. It shows you are serious. Go back to your clarity. They didn’t respond because of their priorities, not because the answer is no.
  • “C” is for Celebrate Your Wins – This is neither boasting nor something that has to be done “loudly”. If a teacher sends you a note about how a lesson has impacted further learning by students, after thanking her, forward it to your principal. (I also keep a Success Journal to keep me empowered.)
  • “T” is for Turning Down Requests – You have to know when (and how) to say “no.” If you take on everything you will soon be overwhelmed, and your work will suffer as will your personal mental health. You won’t have the ability to advocate for yourself. Instead of saying “no”, offer alternatives.
  • Speak up in meetings – I can almost hear the panic. This can be a real challenge for introverts, but Chen has an answer: The 4 A Sequence (and only three of them require you to say anything):
  • Active Listening – Use this skill to listen for the right moment to enter the conversation.
  • Acknowledge – Your first statement should make reference to the previous speaker. You can concur if you agree or say something neutral if you are about to disagree.
  • Anchor  – Having acknowledged the last speaker, use a few words from what the person said in introducing you comment or idea. The connection makes your response fit in the context of the meeting.
  • Answer – Now say what you have to add to the conversation. Stick to the point. Make it brief.

You have amazing skills and strengths. Being an introvert doesn’t change that, but they could be hidden. Look to see which of these steps are ones you feel you could incorporate. Soon, you will feel safe stepping out of your comfort zone, and your community will see you as the leader you are.

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Becoming a Great Leader

Which one of these have you heard before?

  • Leadership is a never-ending journey.
  • If you are not growing, you are dying.
  • Good is the opposite great because if you think you are good, you will never be great.

These have been touted so many times that they have become dulled in our minds. But they are adages because they contain truth. As a leader, you can never be complacent about your achievements. Yes, be proud of what you’ve achieved and all that it took to get there, but this doesn’t mean you can stop working hard. There is always more.

Another aphorism can be your next step: Leaders don’t make followers. They make more leaders. The more school librarians who are leaders, the greater our overall impact on our school communities and on the larger local, state, and national communities. Yes, national. Thinking big is important. We need to have the national communities see school librarians for the vital role they have in education and our students’ future.

This means finding ways to bring up other leaders. In an article, Rena Harvey presents 5 Ways Leaders Can Unlock Their Potential to Inspire Others. She notes that, “becoming a great leader requires self-awareness, continuous learning, and a commitment to personal growth.”  To do so, Harvey says you must work on these five areas: understanding your core values, developing emotional intelligence, embracing lifelong learning, fostering resilience, and cultivating a vision that inspires others.

Understanding Your Core Values – Reflect on both your personal core values as a librarian as well as the ALA Code of Ethics, the Library Bill of Rights, and AASL’s Common Beliefs. Our values ground and support us as leaders, guiding us as we make decisions and choices. There is strength in knowing other librarians are holding the same values. Because they are always present, others know who you are and what they can count on from you. It shows your integrity and that of the profession.

Developing Emotional Intelligence – We are in the relationship business. Our emotional intelligence is part of what allows us to communicate effectively with others and build relationships. People respond to us because we “see” them. It helps us make decisions as we understand how it will impact others. Harvey adds that your emotional intelligence allows you to stay calm under pressure and respond to challenges with a clear mind rather than reacting impulsively.

Embracing Lifelong Learning – We are role models for lifelong learning. Anyone who has been in the profession for five or more can look back at our careers and see the many changes. We have embraced the challenges and changes, teaching ourselves when possible and seeking other ways to become proficient in the changes. We have adapted, pivoted, and helped our students, teachers, and sometimes administrators in finding their way in our ever-changing landscape. And we have looked for feedback to improve and refine that learning.

Fostering Resilience – An integral part of the changes we have had to make is becoming more resilient. We hold to our core values to anchor us. We draw on our librarian colleagues and state and national organizations for help. They strengthen us like the giant redwood trees whose shallow roots are interconnected with others, allowing them to grow to great heights in the face of high winds. Despite the challenges, we work on having a positive mindset, remembering the importance of self-care.

Cultivating a Vision That Inspires Others – I am always inspired by AASL’s Vision – “Every school librarian is a Leader; every learner has a school librarian.” In essence this blog is my contribution to inspiring other school librarians to be leaders – and great ones. Review your vision to ensure it’s big, showing your commitment to a better tomorrow. Visions are about what it would be like in a perfect world. No, you will never attain it. You are not supposed to. It’s working toward it and inspiring others to join you in your journey.

We are living in difficult times. Fortunately, you are all leaders and together we will meet the challenges of our roles and our audience. Each day we have the opportunity to find at least one way to be a stronger leader and inspire others to do the same.

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How Do People See You

The adage “perception dictates reality” may not seem fair, especially if it appears we are being poorly received, but it is the truth, and you must be aware of it. Especially because we need to be ready to change these perceptions if we are not creating the reality we want. As unnerving as it might be to be truly honest with yourself, take time to think — how do people see you?

To find the answers, ask yourself what are you putting out there for people to see and react to? What do the teachers see, and therefore believe, about you? Do they see your enthusiasm for projects or your frustrations about limitations? The administrators? Are you a budget drain because that’s the only time you talk to them or are you an integral part of their team because you let them see how the library supports their goals? How about the students? Are they so excited about what happens in the library they tell their parents about it or is this a place where they can goof off because you’re not paying attention?

The perceptions of your stakeholders affect your daily work life and your future. And its all happening under the surface. In his article, Mastering the Art of Perception: Crafting Your Professional Reputation Joel Garfinkle addresses this important issue. And while his audience is the business world, the concepts are also true for us.

As he says, “The truth is impressions often outweigh performance.” In the article, he makes these four salient points:

1. The spotlight is on you – You are always being observed. By the time your principal makes a formal observation, they have been watching for quite some time. Teachers come into the library and see how you are dealing with students. Or they never come into the library. In both cases they have developed perceptions about you and the library. Garfinkle says, “Whatever you’re doing and how you’re behaving now will impact you long into the future.”

2. What people observe matters to them – As with perceptions, this is emotionally based. How does what they are seeing connect with what is important to them? When working on developing collaborative relationships, knowing the other person’s wants and needs is key to making the connections. But they have assessed whether you can meet these wants and needs before you start the conversation. They need to know you’re aware of their goals – before the conversation happens. Make sure you’re always showing your engagement.

3. Everyone is always forming opinions – It is somewhat daunting to think someone passing you in the hall while you are speaking to someone else is forming an opinion about you. It may be a totally insignificant one, but it happens. Just remember, you are doing the same thing. We are constantly “on.” You don’t want to be putting on a performance throughout your workday to make sure people get the “right” impression. But when you are out and about, you need to be aware of how you may be seen by. You don’t want to the be the one always complaining. You do want to be aware of the goals and focuses of others.

4. Perception is at the heart of decisions – Garfinkle keenly observes, “impressions often override performance.” If this weren’t true, you would not need in-person interviews to be hired. Your resume would be sufficient. To get a clearer idea of how others see you, consider asking a trusted colleague to tell you how you are perceived. Ask for positives first and then negatives so your colleague won’t feel uncomfortable about letting you know any unpleasant truths. Then work on improving how you are seen. It might not be fair, but it’s true – perception is reality.

There are so many things we can’t control in our workdays. The more conscious we can be of how we are perceived, the better our results. If this is new to you, it’s going to take some getting used to, but you can do it. Leading is, after all, an ongoing learning process. We can’t afford to be anything less than the best possible leaders we can be. That, too, is a reality.

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Your Body Is Talking – Do You Know What It’s Saying?

We are communicating constantly. Because our communications go beyond what we say, write, and text, in my book, The Art of Communication: A Librarians Guide for Successful Leadership, Collaboration, and Advocacy (Libraries Unlimited, 2022), I devote a whole chapter to the “Silent Messages You Send.” We can never forget that our bodies speak for us as well.

Our posture, the position of our arms and legs, and the full range of our facial expressions are all conveying a message. Most of the time, the non-verbal message is, hopefully, aligned with what we are saying. Sometimes it isn’t. When we are uncertain, we are prone to sending mixed messages which can push our audience away and inhibit trust.

Those mixed messages are more likely to occur when we are giving a presentation. Whether we are teaching our colleagues about a new tech app or speaking at a state or national conference, we are nervous. We might have some stage fright. The Imposter Syndrome kicks in. And now you are facing your audience. If your body is apt to be telling your audience how uncertain you are, you won’t be able to get your message across as clearly as you want. This is where practicing in front of a mirror or even taking a video can help. Be honest about what you see and soon you’ll be more comfortable.

One of the things that can benefit your ability to connect with whomever you’re speaking to (whether an individual or a group) is supporting gestures that correspond with what you are saying. Is learning this worth the effort? It is according to Frankie Kemp. In his blog article (you’ll need to sign up for SmartBriefs to read it), he describes these seven Unexpected Ways That Gestures Can Up Your Leadership Communication:

  1. Become more trusted – Based on studies, including an analysis of TED speakers, those who used gestures were trusted more, People saw those who didn’t use them as cold and logical. You would think being logical would be good, but audiences want and need to connect to speakers. Additionally, I think they are also reacting to that mixed message. Your body is indicating uncertainty and stiffness. The message becomes: Why should they listen to you?
  2. Dispel nervous energy – Hand gestures that correspond to your message give you something to do to keep them from shaking. Meanwhile your messages are in sync.
  3. Be more succinct – You won’t need as many words when your verbal and nonverbal messages are in accord. This gives you more time to interact with your audience, improving the quality of your presentation.
  4. Increase problem-solving capacity – Suppose someone in your audience asks a difficult question. One of the easiest ways to draw on your expertise when you answer – is to move. According to Kemp, studies show we problem-solve better when we move. While you are doing so, you are also taking in more of your audience and maybe standing more directly in front of the person who asked a question, making them feel seen.
  5. Increase your self-confidence – In another study, it’s been shown that positive posture (head up, shoulders back, spine straight) not only affects the viewer but has an important impact on the speaker. Testosterone goes up and cortisol (stress hormone) goes down; your self-confidence automatically lifts. If this feels new or uncomfortable for you, practice your posture-pose before presenting. You might want to do so before a meeting with your principal, too.
  6. Achieve more credibility and presence – Kemp points to research showing those who use hand gestures and had more frequent eye contact with the audience (as opposed to darting around) and were more trusted. From what I have experienced, it is also because the gestures send the same message as the words.
  7. Be seen as fair – When making eye contact, don’t focus on the same few members of the audience. That can send a message of excluding people. According to Kemp, it can even be seen as a micro-aggression. Allow your eyes to sweep the attendees, resting on different people each time.

As a leader, there will be many occasions when you must speak professionally and when it’s important that your message be received. Whether before an important individual or a group of teachers, parents, or fellow librarians, you need to become comfortable in these situations. Be mindful that you are always communicating and work to send the consistent, clear messages you want.

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Getting Positive Results From Difficult Conversations

Whether it’s with an administrator or a colleague, there are times when you are in opposite corners about how to do something. Ignoring the issue won’t make it go away—and will likely make things worse. When it’s an administrator, you might be seen as being insubordinate, which can cause severe consequences. In the situation with a teacher, your avoidance will hinder future collaboration and having a positive working relationship.

The conversation must happen. The results depend on how you approach and plan it. Go in knowing you won’t get everything you want, but that’s not the objective. Your goal is to make it work, not win an argument. Going in with the intention of winning is a guarantee that you won’t get a result that works.

In her article, Use the “Magic Wand of Destiny” to Get the Desired Outcomes, Kathy Stoddard Torrey puts forth a five-step approach that I believe can be very effective in helping you achieve the best possible results from these difficult conversations.

  • Define the Outcome – What is it you want to achieve and what are different parts of that goal (because remember, you’re not getting everything). Know what you need most. What will make the situation feel best for you? You’ve been told to close the library for several periods to allow for a meeting of the leagues Athletic Directors (ADs), but this restricts usage for others. A teacher wants students to use only books from the library for a project.
  • Create the Proper Space- Since you are initiating the conversion after learning about the challenge, you set the tone for it. An adversarial opening will not get the result you want. In dealing with the principal, you want to open with, “I will definitely give the ADs the space and time they need.” With the teacher, you can start with, “I want to fully understand your planned project.”
  • Ask Curious Questions – Show interest and willingness to help. These are people you want and need to work with. Ask the principal to let you know how many ADs will be coming. How often do they meet? Do they vary their meeting location? Ask the teacher, how many class periods will students be researching in the library? How does this project fit into the larger unit? What resources will they need and for how long?
  • Listen to Their Solutions First – Knowing what the other person expects can help you form your responses. In my examples, you and the library are the solution, so restate them to let them know you recognize what they want. For other situations, when the whole thing wasn’t spelled out in advance, let them explain how they expect to go about it. Continue to ask questions to be sure you have really understood what they want. Sometimes, in those answers, you can find a new solution. Once they have finished, propose your modifications. Ask the principal if you really need to close the whole library. Perhaps you can have a privacy screen around where the ADs meet, and classes can continue as scheduled. Show the teacher one particularly pertinent database and suggest it be offered as well, so students get used to taking notes from print and digital resources.
  • Ask Yourself: Does It Matter? – Choose your difficult conversations wisely. You don’t have to reach your desired outcome all the time. If accepting the recommendation or request doesn’t compromise your ethics, you might strengthen the relationship best by not asking for changes to their original request. When you go along with their plan, it can be a step in building the relationship.

The better you get at managing tough conversations, the stronger you become as a leader – and the more confidence you will gain. In the current education and political climate – in the US and abroad – there are more difficult conversations happening. We all need to work on not letting them become adversarial.

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Build Your Leadership On Your Strengths

So much of how we feel about going to work each day depends on our leaders. A great principal can make your day. A lousy one can kill your year. Many of us have had both and there are lessons to be learned from either. Let me give you two of mine.

My best principal ever knew all the teachers well. He was adept at noticing whether you were not yourself. If he saw that you were having an off day, he would often tell you to go to the nurse’s office and relax. He would teach your class. His leadership had so many benefits. The teachers felt that he not only cared, but he would take care of them. And the teachers were always willing to give back. If there was a shortage of a substitute one day, and he asked a teacher to cover an additional class, they would do so gladly. He also got to know the students on a different level from most principals I worked with, further showing his commitment and consistency.

On the other hand, I had a principal who was an egotistical misogynist. I, and almost everyone else, gave him the bare minimum. I was exhausted at the end of every day and brought my tension and anger home a lot. Too many of my dinner conversations began with, “You know what he did today?” It took me about a year before I appreciated how he was affecting all aspects of my life. Eventually, I began job hunting and found another position.

They both showed me important things about leadership – and how I did and didn’t want to lead. The first principal exuded empathy, an often-cited leadership quality. The second fell into the category of a leader who exemplified Power Over as his approach to leadership. What I hadn’t considered until I read Suzanne Degges-White’s article Are Ambiverts the Most Effective Leaders was a different way to determine your leadership mode.

Degges-White looks at introverts, extroverts, and ambiverts. We are familiar with the first two, but ambiverts, who embody both types, are less well known. And she says regardless of whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, you can become an ambivert. It is also important to recognize that no matter your type, you can be a good leader. “Effective leadership is based on healthy and productive relationships, not just personality types.” My two examples are evidence of that.

Taking a closer look at the strengths of each type of leader, Degges-White observes that introverts are good listeners, which means they think before jumping in to say something. They build relationships slowly and with care. They don’t seek the limelight, instead recognize the strengths others have. Extroverts are comfortable in a variety of settings. They tend to make decisions more quickly and pivot rapidly when needed. They are the ones who are seen as “natural” leaders.

So, what about ambiverts and their strengths? While they might like their alone time, they also enjoy being with others. They are comfortable with both individual projects and working on group ones. As leaders, they aren’t impulsive, but are open to trying new approaches. They are not afraid of taking risks, another often mentioned leadership quality.

The good news is that no matter if you see yourself as more of an introvert or an extrovert, you can become more of an ambivert. It only takes a few small steps to make you an ambivert. Fearful of risks? Take a few small ones. Do you dominate conversations? Make it a point to let others speak before you do. As you practice these steps, you will take on more and more qualities of ambivert.

As a leader, you always want to work from your strengths, but you can also get better. By stretching your natural personality type, you can become an ambivert – the most effective type of leader.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Avoiding Conflict – Makes It Worse

As School Librarians one part of our job is to have positive relations with all our colleagues, but this doesn’t mean you’re going to like everyone. There will always be people who rub you the wrong way or who you wish you could avoid. People with whom it’s hard to speak, who have opposing viewpoints and with whom there is always a sense of conflict. But avoiding them and the situation prevents any likelihood of having positive relations.

So how can we powerfully step into situations where we know there is going to be conflict? In her post, Uncovering 5 Hidden Stages of Conflict, Marlen Chisolm explores how to look at what is going on under the service because, she asserts, the conflict is not the problem. The avoidance is. To understand this better, Chisholm discusses all the ways avoidance comes into play:

  1. Inner Disturbance – You just feel “off” every time you are in contact with that person. You get the feeling they don’t like you. It may not be overt, but you can’t avoid that antipathy coming from them. It’s uncomfortable, so you avoid unnecessary conversations with them or being in proximity to them. 
  2. Justifying – It doesn’t seem reasonable to confront them about that sensation. What could you say, anyway? Do you suspect it’s some innate bias, and then wonder if you are being ultrasensitive. Yet letting it go on doesn’t change anything. People treat you as you train them to treat you. What you accept will continue. By excusing or letting it go, you avoid facing and discussing the situation.
  3. Seeing Them as Adversary – When you let the situation continue, you tense every time you interact with them. Chisolm says we frequently find ourselves viewing  them as the enemy. While that is a natural self-defense, it doesn’t deal with the problem or cause any changes. Again, you are avoiding and the conflict continues.
  4. Seeking Social Proof – The longer it goes on, the more you look for evidence as to whether you are the only target, or to see if the person is that way with others. Now you seek corroboration. You ask others if they are seeing/feeling the same thing you are. In addition to not solving the problem, you are creating divisions which can affect how your community functions.Word will get back to the person, or worse to administrators, as to your queries. Nothing about will make you look professional. Through your avoidance, the problem has gotten worse.
  5. Aggression – As you continue avoiding the issue, you become increasingly frustrated and angry. Now you run the risk of a real blow up. Whatever follows will be heated. You have become the initiator and have probably damaged your reputation. Hopefully, your explosion didn’t happen where others could see, although word will spread. Being able to work with this teacher will be incredibly difficult, if not impossible. By avoidance, you have now also harmed students who won’t get the learning experiences you normally create.

Avoidance may seem safe, but as Chisolm has shown, it’s the worst option possible. As soon as you get that “Inner Disturbance,” accept that it’s a wake-up call to act. Take time –not too long—to gather your thoughts. What is the outcome you want? Ask yourself, “Do you want it to work, or do you want to win? Because if you want to win, it won’t work.”

Be prepared to do active listening. Don’t try to rush in with counter-arguments. Arguments are power struggles. The Power you need to draw on is Power With which is finding common ground among different interests. What do you and that teacher have in common? Focus on that.

Don’t let micro aggressions or other perceived negative feelings coming from someone affect your ability to be a good leader. Leaders work well with others and are willing to take risks when needed.