Posted on by hildaweisburg

Becoming a Great Leader

Which one of these have you heard before?

  • Leadership is a never-ending journey.
  • If you are not growing, you are dying.
  • Good is the opposite great because if you think you are good, you will never be great.

These have been touted so many times that they have become dulled in our minds. But they are adages because they contain truth. As a leader, you can never be complacent about your achievements. Yes, be proud of what you’ve achieved and all that it took to get there, but this doesn’t mean you can stop working hard. There is always more.

Another aphorism can be your next step: Leaders don’t make followers. They make more leaders. The more school librarians who are leaders, the greater our overall impact on our school communities and on the larger local, state, and national communities. Yes, national. Thinking big is important. We need to have the national communities see school librarians for the vital role they have in education and our students’ future.

This means finding ways to bring up other leaders. In an article, Rena Harvey presents 5 Ways Leaders Can Unlock Their Potential to Inspire Others. She notes that, “becoming a great leader requires self-awareness, continuous learning, and a commitment to personal growth.”  To do so, Harvey says you must work on these five areas: understanding your core values, developing emotional intelligence, embracing lifelong learning, fostering resilience, and cultivating a vision that inspires others.

Understanding Your Core Values – Reflect on both your personal core values as a librarian as well as the ALA Code of Ethics, the Library Bill of Rights, and AASL’s Common Beliefs. Our values ground and support us as leaders, guiding us as we make decisions and choices. There is strength in knowing other librarians are holding the same values. Because they are always present, others know who you are and what they can count on from you. It shows your integrity and that of the profession.

Developing Emotional Intelligence – We are in the relationship business. Our emotional intelligence is part of what allows us to communicate effectively with others and build relationships. People respond to us because we “see” them. It helps us make decisions as we understand how it will impact others. Harvey adds that your emotional intelligence allows you to stay calm under pressure and respond to challenges with a clear mind rather than reacting impulsively.

Embracing Lifelong Learning – We are role models for lifelong learning. Anyone who has been in the profession for five or more can look back at our careers and see the many changes. We have embraced the challenges and changes, teaching ourselves when possible and seeking other ways to become proficient in the changes. We have adapted, pivoted, and helped our students, teachers, and sometimes administrators in finding their way in our ever-changing landscape. And we have looked for feedback to improve and refine that learning.

Fostering Resilience – An integral part of the changes we have had to make is becoming more resilient. We hold to our core values to anchor us. We draw on our librarian colleagues and state and national organizations for help. They strengthen us like the giant redwood trees whose shallow roots are interconnected with others, allowing them to grow to great heights in the face of high winds. Despite the challenges, we work on having a positive mindset, remembering the importance of self-care.

Cultivating a Vision That Inspires Others – I am always inspired by AASL’s Vision – “Every school librarian is a Leader; every learner has a school librarian.” In essence this blog is my contribution to inspiring other school librarians to be leaders – and great ones. Review your vision to ensure it’s big, showing your commitment to a better tomorrow. Visions are about what it would be like in a perfect world. No, you will never attain it. You are not supposed to. It’s working toward it and inspiring others to join you in your journey.

We are living in difficult times. Fortunately, you are all leaders and together we will meet the challenges of our roles and our audience. Each day we have the opportunity to find at least one way to be a stronger leader and inspire others to do the same.

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Know Yourself

Socrates said, “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” You might think the answer is obvious, We know what we stand for. We are aware of our strengths and weaknesses. But Socrates was, unsurprisingly, referring to more. And when we develop this self-awareness we are better able to develop stronger relationships and be recognized for the leader and innovator that we are.

In her article, Why Self-Awareness is Essential for Success in Every Leader, LaRae Quy answers her question and provides steps necessary to achieve it. She says, “An effective leader is a person who takes responsibility for what is going on inside of them so their reactions do not sabotage them. This self-awareness helps them discover what lies beneath the surface of their lives so they can recognize and regulate behaviors that don’t set them up for success.”

To develop this level of self-awareness, Quy proposes the following:

  • Understand our life story – Our life story is made up of everything that has happened to us, the good, the bad, the challenges we have faced and how we dealt with them. We have woven this into a narrative of our life. It created our career choice and is a deep part of our passion. It is our “Why” for what we do. Quy asks you to:
    • Look at how your childhood and adolescence have affected your direction and how you see yourself.
    • What situations bring out your natural leadership?
    • How do you deal with challenges and failure?
    • What have you learned about yourself and others from this?
  • Encourage honesty – In this self-reflection, you must go beyond your construct of yourself. Look back at the experiences that made you the person you are. Some are rooted in your childhood. Many of mine result from an adolescence where I had difficulties in fitting in (I found a home in books!). Failures include not being rehired after my first year on the job as a librarian. Quy asks you to see the “patterns beneath the emotions, thoughts, and behaviors” that get in our way today and then ask: “What triggers them?”
  • Build trust and credibility – This is the reason behind the need for self-awareness. When you are completely honest with yourself, people perceive you as trustworthy. Trust is the foundation of relationships, and we are in the relationship business. Knowing ourselves allows us to accept and own our mistakes and see how we can best use our strengths. It also makes us willing and able to recognize the strengths in others and help them become leaders. Quy recommends listing three things that are good about you, three things you feel improvement, and ask three trusted colleagues to do the same about you. (Scary, but worthwhile!)
  • Improve decision making – When you truly know yourself, you are aware of your biases and which stressful situations will trigger your emotional responses. You know the root of your fears and can factor them into your decisions. Quy recommends you “stay curious, question your assumptions, research things you need clarification on, and relevant questions of people who are more experienced on the topic than yourself or hold a differing opinion.”

We navigate difficult waters these days. A heightened self-awareness will allow us to become better at working with our students and colleagues and deal with the negative barrage that is hitting us. We need the wisdom Socrates said comes with knowing ourselves. So many are counting on us leading the way.

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The Chance in Change

Whether or not we like it, change is a constant. Generative AI is advancing with incredible speed. Politics has invaded the school library. The turnover of principals and superintendents has been dramatic. Sometimes the old refrain “stop the world, I want to get off” seems to be a great idea. Fortunately, that isn’t an option. As school librarians we are well equipped to handle the rapid changes in technology and are comfortable making the adjustments. But changes in personnel or new regulations? Those are more difficult to embrace and manage.

So what are the tools of managing change? In her article, Embracing Change: A New Leader’s Imperative, Karen Carey offers advice to the business world on how to manage change. They apply to us as well.

  • The ever-changing landscape – Carey notes “understanding the fluidity” of a landscape is crucial. She quotes Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella, “Don’t be a know-it-all; be a learn-it-all.” Fortunately, librarians are lifelong learners. We need to translate that mindset into our daily practice. Use your PLN to fill in what you don’t know. Be aware of what’s happening in your community and have the resources from ALA on hand to deal with any upheavals that occur. Start building a relationship with your new principal who may have radically different ideas about the library or no interest in it. Learn the ways to recognize AI generated work.
  • Embracing the uncomfortable – At some point, you may find that you need to see the bigger picture. Leaving your comfort zone is a necessary part of change. Look for new things to try or groups to join, including your state organization or even AASL.
  • Learning from failure – The fear of failure keeps us from leaving our comfort zone. We teach kids that failing is part of the learning process, but we must embrace this in ourselves as well. It will happen. Your successes will far outweigh your failures if you work on growing.
  • Tech in leadership – Your teachers may be having trouble dealing with the changes in tech. By helping them cope and learn, you strengthen your relationships and build new ones. Developing a collaborative or cooperative project will ease their way and further the perception of you as a leader.
  • The challenge of transition – Find ways to work with new personnel. The new principal may be a concern to staff and is undoubtedly dealing with their own uncertainty. Invite them to the library. Share brief (they don’t need to be overwhelmed) information you have on trends or any issues they might be interested in based on comments they have made. And don’t engage with the teachers who consistently make negative comments about the change. That doesn’t make for strong relationships.
  • Cultivating the agile mindset – According to Carey, this involves “building deeper human connections, continuous learning, and the ability to unlearn behaviors, beliefs and values. It’s about capitalizing on new opportunities by staying open to different perspectives and embracing change as a constant force for progress.” In essence, this speaks directly to our strengths since we know building relationships and finding new ways to deliver our Mission is vital for the success of our program.

Remember, we are not alone. People everywhere are struggling to cope with change, but changing is the only way to grow. The world keeps growing and, uncomfortable or not, we must grow with it. And as leaders, we have no other options. Embrace change as part of your leadership journey.

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Rediscover Your Passion

I have been hearing more often from librarians who are so stressed they are considering early retirement. Given the hostile political climate and its impact on many schools and communities, this is more than understandable. Most of you became school librarians because you were passionate about the differences you can make and the important role school librarians play. When you can’t follow that passion, what do you do next?

Your students and teachers need you to be fully present and engaged in what you bring to learning and growth. That means being as connected as possible to your commitment. In Alaina Love’s article, Are You Sacrificing Passion to Fit in at Work?, she discusses the changes that can be necessary to accommodate our work environment and help us reconnect to what matters most.

To get back to your passion while still being able to fit your environment, Love identifies ten passion archetypes: Creator, Conceiver, Discoverer, Processor, Teacher, Connector, Altruist, Healer, Transformer and Builder, saying we all have at least three. We are at our best when we work from them. Once you know your key archetypes, Love poses looking through that lens and answering these four essential questions:

  1. What is the most essential work you can accomplish to ensure success now and in the future? Think of your Mission Statement. It’s your Why. How have you been dealing with it? It may need some tweaking, but it’s your purpose and your perspiration. By that I mean it’s what you are working toward accomplishing in all the tasks you do and the responsibilities you have.
  2. From which activities do you derive the greatest fulfillment and how can you be more directly engaged in those activities? Is it creating a learning activity with a colleague? Perhaps it is in the one-on-one contacts with students whether guiding them in the research process or finding that perfect book for them. Do you love finding new tech resources and apps and sharing them with teachers? There is a long list of ways you connect with your school community that give you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. Look for ways to identify them.
  3. What behaviors are you demonstrating at work that are misaligned with who you are? Have you been so upset and stressed that you are no longer reaching out to teachers? Have you been brusque with students because there isn’t enough time in the day to get everything done? Have you unwittingly been telling yourself that teachers are too busy to care about that new app? Make sure you’re doing what you can to build relationships even with colleagues who may have ideological differences.
  4. What do you want to be remembered for by those you’re closest to? When you do retire, what do you want your administrator to be grateful for? What do you hope teachers will still continue to do because you introduced it to them? When students return, what would you like them to say to you about the impact you had on their time in school? Would you want to be remembered for the person you are today or the one you used to be?

You need to be the leader you were and still are underneath all that stress, frustration, and anger. Reflect on all you have to offer and re-ignite your passion for what you do. Don’t let outside forces take that away from you. Consciously bring back that passion you started with and you will bring back your best. You are too important to your school community to be less than that – and your own mental health will benefit from being aligned with you living from your values.

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Your Body Is Talking – Do You Know What It’s Saying?

We are communicating constantly. Because our communications go beyond what we say, write, and text, in my book, The Art of Communication: A Librarians Guide for Successful Leadership, Collaboration, and Advocacy (Libraries Unlimited, 2022), I devote a whole chapter to the “Silent Messages You Send.” We can never forget that our bodies speak for us as well.

Our posture, the position of our arms and legs, and the full range of our facial expressions are all conveying a message. Most of the time, the non-verbal message is, hopefully, aligned with what we are saying. Sometimes it isn’t. When we are uncertain, we are prone to sending mixed messages which can push our audience away and inhibit trust.

Those mixed messages are more likely to occur when we are giving a presentation. Whether we are teaching our colleagues about a new tech app or speaking at a state or national conference, we are nervous. We might have some stage fright. The Imposter Syndrome kicks in. And now you are facing your audience. If your body is apt to be telling your audience how uncertain you are, you won’t be able to get your message across as clearly as you want. This is where practicing in front of a mirror or even taking a video can help. Be honest about what you see and soon you’ll be more comfortable.

One of the things that can benefit your ability to connect with whomever you’re speaking to (whether an individual or a group) is supporting gestures that correspond with what you are saying. Is learning this worth the effort? It is according to Frankie Kemp. In his blog article (you’ll need to sign up for SmartBriefs to read it), he describes these seven Unexpected Ways That Gestures Can Up Your Leadership Communication:

  1. Become more trusted – Based on studies, including an analysis of TED speakers, those who used gestures were trusted more, People saw those who didn’t use them as cold and logical. You would think being logical would be good, but audiences want and need to connect to speakers. Additionally, I think they are also reacting to that mixed message. Your body is indicating uncertainty and stiffness. The message becomes: Why should they listen to you?
  2. Dispel nervous energy – Hand gestures that correspond to your message give you something to do to keep them from shaking. Meanwhile your messages are in sync.
  3. Be more succinct – You won’t need as many words when your verbal and nonverbal messages are in accord. This gives you more time to interact with your audience, improving the quality of your presentation.
  4. Increase problem-solving capacity – Suppose someone in your audience asks a difficult question. One of the easiest ways to draw on your expertise when you answer – is to move. According to Kemp, studies show we problem-solve better when we move. While you are doing so, you are also taking in more of your audience and maybe standing more directly in front of the person who asked a question, making them feel seen.
  5. Increase your self-confidence – In another study, it’s been shown that positive posture (head up, shoulders back, spine straight) not only affects the viewer but has an important impact on the speaker. Testosterone goes up and cortisol (stress hormone) goes down; your self-confidence automatically lifts. If this feels new or uncomfortable for you, practice your posture-pose before presenting. You might want to do so before a meeting with your principal, too.
  6. Achieve more credibility and presence – Kemp points to research showing those who use hand gestures and had more frequent eye contact with the audience (as opposed to darting around) and were more trusted. From what I have experienced, it is also because the gestures send the same message as the words.
  7. Be seen as fair – When making eye contact, don’t focus on the same few members of the audience. That can send a message of excluding people. According to Kemp, it can even be seen as a micro-aggression. Allow your eyes to sweep the attendees, resting on different people each time.

As a leader, there will be many occasions when you must speak professionally and when it’s important that your message be received. Whether before an important individual or a group of teachers, parents, or fellow librarians, you need to become comfortable in these situations. Be mindful that you are always communicating and work to send the consistent, clear messages you want.

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Getting Positive Results From Difficult Conversations

Whether it’s with an administrator or a colleague, there are times when you are in opposite corners about how to do something. Ignoring the issue won’t make it go away—and will likely make things worse. When it’s an administrator, you might be seen as being insubordinate, which can cause severe consequences. In the situation with a teacher, your avoidance will hinder future collaboration and having a positive working relationship.

The conversation must happen. The results depend on how you approach and plan it. Go in knowing you won’t get everything you want, but that’s not the objective. Your goal is to make it work, not win an argument. Going in with the intention of winning is a guarantee that you won’t get a result that works.

In her article, Use the “Magic Wand of Destiny” to Get the Desired Outcomes, Kathy Stoddard Torrey puts forth a five-step approach that I believe can be very effective in helping you achieve the best possible results from these difficult conversations.

  • Define the Outcome – What is it you want to achieve and what are different parts of that goal (because remember, you’re not getting everything). Know what you need most. What will make the situation feel best for you? You’ve been told to close the library for several periods to allow for a meeting of the leagues Athletic Directors (ADs), but this restricts usage for others. A teacher wants students to use only books from the library for a project.
  • Create the Proper Space- Since you are initiating the conversion after learning about the challenge, you set the tone for it. An adversarial opening will not get the result you want. In dealing with the principal, you want to open with, “I will definitely give the ADs the space and time they need.” With the teacher, you can start with, “I want to fully understand your planned project.”
  • Ask Curious Questions – Show interest and willingness to help. These are people you want and need to work with. Ask the principal to let you know how many ADs will be coming. How often do they meet? Do they vary their meeting location? Ask the teacher, how many class periods will students be researching in the library? How does this project fit into the larger unit? What resources will they need and for how long?
  • Listen to Their Solutions First – Knowing what the other person expects can help you form your responses. In my examples, you and the library are the solution, so restate them to let them know you recognize what they want. For other situations, when the whole thing wasn’t spelled out in advance, let them explain how they expect to go about it. Continue to ask questions to be sure you have really understood what they want. Sometimes, in those answers, you can find a new solution. Once they have finished, propose your modifications. Ask the principal if you really need to close the whole library. Perhaps you can have a privacy screen around where the ADs meet, and classes can continue as scheduled. Show the teacher one particularly pertinent database and suggest it be offered as well, so students get used to taking notes from print and digital resources.
  • Ask Yourself: Does It Matter? – Choose your difficult conversations wisely. You don’t have to reach your desired outcome all the time. If accepting the recommendation or request doesn’t compromise your ethics, you might strengthen the relationship best by not asking for changes to their original request. When you go along with their plan, it can be a step in building the relationship.

The better you get at managing tough conversations, the stronger you become as a leader – and the more confidence you will gain. In the current education and political climate – in the US and abroad – there are more difficult conversations happening. We all need to work on not letting them become adversarial.

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Build Your Leadership On Your Strengths

So much of how we feel about going to work each day depends on our leaders. A great principal can make your day. A lousy one can kill your year. Many of us have had both and there are lessons to be learned from either. Let me give you two of mine.

My best principal ever knew all the teachers well. He was adept at noticing whether you were not yourself. If he saw that you were having an off day, he would often tell you to go to the nurse’s office and relax. He would teach your class. His leadership had so many benefits. The teachers felt that he not only cared, but he would take care of them. And the teachers were always willing to give back. If there was a shortage of a substitute one day, and he asked a teacher to cover an additional class, they would do so gladly. He also got to know the students on a different level from most principals I worked with, further showing his commitment and consistency.

On the other hand, I had a principal who was an egotistical misogynist. I, and almost everyone else, gave him the bare minimum. I was exhausted at the end of every day and brought my tension and anger home a lot. Too many of my dinner conversations began with, “You know what he did today?” It took me about a year before I appreciated how he was affecting all aspects of my life. Eventually, I began job hunting and found another position.

They both showed me important things about leadership – and how I did and didn’t want to lead. The first principal exuded empathy, an often-cited leadership quality. The second fell into the category of a leader who exemplified Power Over as his approach to leadership. What I hadn’t considered until I read Suzanne Degges-White’s article Are Ambiverts the Most Effective Leaders was a different way to determine your leadership mode.

Degges-White looks at introverts, extroverts, and ambiverts. We are familiar with the first two, but ambiverts, who embody both types, are less well known. And she says regardless of whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, you can become an ambivert. It is also important to recognize that no matter your type, you can be a good leader. “Effective leadership is based on healthy and productive relationships, not just personality types.” My two examples are evidence of that.

Taking a closer look at the strengths of each type of leader, Degges-White observes that introverts are good listeners, which means they think before jumping in to say something. They build relationships slowly and with care. They don’t seek the limelight, instead recognize the strengths others have. Extroverts are comfortable in a variety of settings. They tend to make decisions more quickly and pivot rapidly when needed. They are the ones who are seen as “natural” leaders.

So, what about ambiverts and their strengths? While they might like their alone time, they also enjoy being with others. They are comfortable with both individual projects and working on group ones. As leaders, they aren’t impulsive, but are open to trying new approaches. They are not afraid of taking risks, another often mentioned leadership quality.

The good news is that no matter if you see yourself as more of an introvert or an extrovert, you can become more of an ambivert. It only takes a few small steps to make you an ambivert. Fearful of risks? Take a few small ones. Do you dominate conversations? Make it a point to let others speak before you do. As you practice these steps, you will take on more and more qualities of ambivert.

As a leader, you always want to work from your strengths, but you can also get better. By stretching your natural personality type, you can become an ambivert – the most effective type of leader.

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Avoiding Conflict – Makes It Worse

As School Librarians one part of our job is to have positive relations with all our colleagues, but this doesn’t mean you’re going to like everyone. There will always be people who rub you the wrong way or who you wish you could avoid. People with whom it’s hard to speak, who have opposing viewpoints and with whom there is always a sense of conflict. But avoiding them and the situation prevents any likelihood of having positive relations.

So how can we powerfully step into situations where we know there is going to be conflict? In her post, Uncovering 5 Hidden Stages of Conflict, Marlen Chisolm explores how to look at what is going on under the service because, she asserts, the conflict is not the problem. The avoidance is. To understand this better, Chisholm discusses all the ways avoidance comes into play:

  1. Inner Disturbance – You just feel “off” every time you are in contact with that person. You get the feeling they don’t like you. It may not be overt, but you can’t avoid that antipathy coming from them. It’s uncomfortable, so you avoid unnecessary conversations with them or being in proximity to them. 
  2. Justifying – It doesn’t seem reasonable to confront them about that sensation. What could you say, anyway? Do you suspect it’s some innate bias, and then wonder if you are being ultrasensitive. Yet letting it go on doesn’t change anything. People treat you as you train them to treat you. What you accept will continue. By excusing or letting it go, you avoid facing and discussing the situation.
  3. Seeing Them as Adversary – When you let the situation continue, you tense every time you interact with them. Chisolm says we frequently find ourselves viewing  them as the enemy. While that is a natural self-defense, it doesn’t deal with the problem or cause any changes. Again, you are avoiding and the conflict continues.
  4. Seeking Social Proof – The longer it goes on, the more you look for evidence as to whether you are the only target, or to see if the person is that way with others. Now you seek corroboration. You ask others if they are seeing/feeling the same thing you are. In addition to not solving the problem, you are creating divisions which can affect how your community functions.Word will get back to the person, or worse to administrators, as to your queries. Nothing about will make you look professional. Through your avoidance, the problem has gotten worse.
  5. Aggression – As you continue avoiding the issue, you become increasingly frustrated and angry. Now you run the risk of a real blow up. Whatever follows will be heated. You have become the initiator and have probably damaged your reputation. Hopefully, your explosion didn’t happen where others could see, although word will spread. Being able to work with this teacher will be incredibly difficult, if not impossible. By avoidance, you have now also harmed students who won’t get the learning experiences you normally create.

Avoidance may seem safe, but as Chisolm has shown, it’s the worst option possible. As soon as you get that “Inner Disturbance,” accept that it’s a wake-up call to act. Take time –not too long—to gather your thoughts. What is the outcome you want? Ask yourself, “Do you want it to work, or do you want to win? Because if you want to win, it won’t work.”

Be prepared to do active listening. Don’t try to rush in with counter-arguments. Arguments are power struggles. The Power you need to draw on is Power With which is finding common ground among different interests. What do you and that teacher have in common? Focus on that.

Don’t let micro aggressions or other perceived negative feelings coming from someone affect your ability to be a good leader. Leaders work well with others and are willing to take risks when needed. 

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How To Tap Down Triggers

EDITOR’S NOTE – This blog about a specific and contained type of triggers. More serious, lasting triggers need a different kind of attention and help. Please get the support you need and deserve.

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What is a trigger? A month ago, I wrote Look for Glimmers and Find Joy which discussed how Glimmers were the opposite of triggers. Both cause an unanticipated emotional reaction. The first is wonderfully positive. The second can cause us any number of negative effects including damaging our relationships and how people perceive us and our program.

Glimmers and triggers are opposite in one other way. You have to notice glimmers to appreciate them. Triggers slam into you without any invitation.

While triggers take you unaware, if you are going to deal with them, you need to recognize when you are having a trigger response. This isn’t easy when your emotions are taking over.

Andrea Mein DeWitt’s article, A Leader’s 3-Step Strategy to Being Less Emotional, Reactive, recommend you Name, Claim, and Reframe. This approach will give you skills to modify what could be a damaging response from you. Notice that she references “leaders.” Leaders can’t allow triggers to affect how they react in a given situation.

Here are her steps:

  1. Name – Look for the source of the trigger. (This is not like noticing glimmers, but in reverse.) She asks you to identify what is causing you to react rather than respond – an important distinction – and what specific emotion is in play. Also note what, if any, of your core values have been attacked. For example, book banning and malicious name-calling is on the rise leaving us emotionally exhausted. We are tired of explaining. When one more attack comes, particularly if it comes from what we thought was a friendly source, we can explode.
  2. Claim – Now that you know where your reaction came from, what can you do about it? De Witt wants you to identify the action(s) you can take to bring you back to your core values. Take your ego out and think what might have caused the person to say/do what then triggered your reaction. Then, look to what can you do to get the conversation back to the issue at stake. Rather than responding by saying “we are not…(insert charge)..” turn to the positive, reminding parents, teachers and administrators that,“libraries need to be a safe, welcoming space for all.” From there, you can better discuss what to do.
  3. Reframe – This helps you to move on positively from a stressful conversation. DeWitt says to ask yourself what you learned and what is now an opportunity to use your creativity. Which of the ideas you came up with will produce the best results and promote your Mission and Vision? Notice any new resources you can now use. As you reflect on what happened, you might decide to do a bulletin board or infographic identifying how libraries create a safe space. Perhaps mention the Mirrors, Windows, and Sliding Doors concept. Do something interactive such as having teachers/students anonymously post notes on the bulletin board saying how the library/librarian made them safe and welcome.

We are in the relationship business. With emotions running high and politics affecting libraries and librarians, we must do all we can to avoid being further sucked into the intensity of the triggers and stresses around us. Emotional Intelligence includes Managing Your Emotions for a reason. Leaders – and you are a leader – need to have all the tools possible to do it.

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Learning To Be Likeable

Beyond books, special projects, and curriculum, we are in the relationship business. This means we must always be making positive connections with teachers, students, administrators, and other advocates. Being likeable can go a long way in furthering these associations.

When your community enjoys being around you, as well as trusting your expertise, they are open and willing to work with you. You’ll find yourself creating collaborative projects with teachers and building lasting relationships. When students like you, they will come to you as a resource for questions beyond their reading. And when administrators like you, they are more apt to reach out to you to add your support and skills to the overall goals they have for the school. When you see the benefits, it’s clear that we need to be sure we are doing all we can to be likable.

Fortunately, there are aspects of likeability that are learnable. In an article entitled 6 Habits of Instantly Likable People, Gwen Moran presents these traits which we all need to cultivate. What makes someone likeable?

  1. They are present – If you are in a rush, you tend to make it obvious that you don’t really have time to listen to what the other person is saying. You can’t make a connection that way, and people feel you are too busy to care about them. Be focused on the conversations you are having. Moran says asking questions shows your interest, and people are likely to respond positively to that interest.
  2. They give and share credit – After working with a class, make sure to make positive comments about how well-prepared students were and acknowledge any faculty support. When you share the results with your principal, focus on the teacher’s contribution.  You needn’t explain your contribution. And if the principal praises the teacher, they are more likely to come and work with you again.
  3. They are authentic – Always be yourself.  In your library, a classroom, or the parent/teacher night. People are good at spotting when you are trying too hard or are assuming a persona to fit the situation. Trust who you are and what you bring.
  4. They are caring and empathetic – As the saying goes, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”  When you have asked questions, follow up on the answers when problems and stresses are mentioned. Be alert to the body language of others to recognize when they are concerned and follow-up.
  5. They are good and active listeners – People appreciate and value being heard. If you are doing numbers 1,2, and 4, this is probably happening naturally. When you are not “present,” there is no way you can be actively listening. Some of us think we are listening, but we are only waiting for a chance to respond and/or get our thoughts expressed. Be focused on what the person is saying and trust you will have time for your input.
  6. They are good communicators – Be clear in what you say and how you say it. Ambiguity makes people uncomfortable and frequently leads to them wondering if you are trustworthy. This does not lead to being likable. Look for ways to share the truth without being rude or hurtful.

We make quick decisions about others. If our initial impression was negative, it can take a long time to change it. Therefore, it’s important to continually improve our ability to build relationships. The better we are at it, the more we will be seen as vital to the school community. With each new relationship we build advocates for what we do. Our students, teachers, and administrators need us and this connection ensures we’re around for them.