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Your Presentation and Murphy’s Law

As a leader, you want to make your presence known to your stakeholders and presentation are a great opportunity for this. Speaking at a conference gives you credibility to your administrators. Giving a workshop for teachers shows them how you can support them in their jobs. Speaking to the parent association reveals to them the critical role librarians play and builds advocates.

The last thing you want or need in any of these situations is for Murphy’s Law, which states “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” to kick in. The possibility is always there. Anticipate it and be prepared. Most of the time, it won’t be necessary, but if should, you want to be ready for it.

John Millen advises you on how to do that in his blog, What to Do When Presentations Go Wrong. His seven step approach will ensure you handle it with ease.

  1. Plan for the Worst- Hope for the Best – Bring a second copy of your talk and especially a printout if you are relying on tech such as PowerPoint. When giving a presentation outside your school, see if you can send it in advance to someone who can pre-load it for you (and, hopefully, test out the system).
  2. Understand Your Audience – To whom are you speaking? Do you know any of them? What are their wants and needs? The more you know about your audience, the quicker you can make a connection with them. If you feel comfortable with them and they with you, they will be fine if the slide is not on the screen. Build in time to arrive early so you can mingle with them before you begin your presentation.
  3. Prepare and Rehearse – Spontaneity is great, but you don’t want to discover you have too much or too little for the time slot. Trust that as you go along you will go off script as you respond to the room. Knowing the approximate amount of time you have left allows you to do that and adjust. And without rehearsal, you are likely to read your slides rather than explain the point which can make your presentation stilted.
  4. Do Your Homework – If you are presenting at a conference, check out the room in advance. Where will you be standing? Will you be able to move around to make further connections with your audience. If possible, recheck the equipment to be sure all is working. The IT person at the conference or in your school can be of additional assistance.
  5. Create a Safety Net – Millen carries backup equipment such as an external hard drive with his presentation on it and additional cables and adapters.  You are not likely to need to go to this extreme unless you are speaking to a very large group, but knowing you have this can help put you at ease. Think in advance for other things that might help should something not go as planned.
  6. Let the Audience in on it – Don’t hide the fact that something has gone wrong. You have already built a connection with them. Share what is going on. You might let them know Murphy has shown up. Having them be with you as you work on correcting or dealing with the problem increases the bond and eases your tension.
  7. Be in the Moment and Keep on Going – This is an extension of the last one. Your audience wants you to succeed. They know things go wrong. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be prepared.

As you grow in your leadership journey, there will be increasing opportunities to give presentations. On the list of people’s fears, public speaking is more common than death. Preparation and planning can help with this. Don’t let fear – or Murphy’s Law – keep you from growing,

Posted on by hildaweisburg

Humility, Relationships & Leadership

Since childhood we have been schooled in not praising ourselves. By extension, we’re told that leaders shouldn’t go around boasting about their accomplishments. While there is a time for humility and for bringing others into our accomplishments, there is a difference between puffing yourself up and knowing how to receive compliments. If when we receive one, we turn it away, we not only make ourselves smaller, we minimize another’s opinion. In addition, since this tends to be a habit more practiced by women than men, it undermines their ability to be seen as leaders.

In her blog post, The Risk of Self-Effacement? “Self-Erasement” – Do’s & Don’ts, Leslie Williams explores how this type of humility diminishes you, the work you’ve done, and the person who complimented you. Williams gives six instances of when you might inadvertently send messages you hadn’t intended and how to respond instead.

  1. When Someone Compliments Your Work – This is one of the most common situations. Do you automatically say, “It was no big deal” and/or mention what you did wrong. The easiest way to respond is to say, “Thank You.” This acknowledges that you value what the other person said and what you accomplished. When it fits the situation, you can be generous in giving praise to any who were part of the success. That’s honest humility. A good leader knows how to share the spotlight and promote the work of others. Doing so not only builds relationships, it also builds advocates.
  2. When Disagreeing – Own your opinion but do so respectfully. Your goal usually is to convince them to see your point of view. Williams says they are not likely to do so if they sense your disdain, Also, don’t feint agreement, by nodding and smiling. As Williams says, if you disagree, “don’t make nice.”
  3. When Asking a Question – Williams cautions you not to say “I have a stupid question” or other ways of minimizing what you are about to ask. Say outright, “I have a question,” or state you wish to propose another perspective or issue. Own your curiosity and desire to learn more.
  4. When Negotiating Salary – After making sure you are aware of the salary scale for the position you want, know all the things you bring to the table What courses or certifications might add to what your new salary will be? What volunteer work shows your leadership, collaborative, and problem solving abilities? How confidently you present yourself affects the respect and value the administration will place on you – as well as your salary.
  5. When Managing Your Career –Too many librarians are so grateful to be tenured, they fail to read the handwriting on the wall. They are afraid to try to move to another district and only do so when their job has been eliminated. You are in a much stronger position when you still have a job than when you are seeking one. Don’t bad-mouth the district you hope to leave, but instead focus on what you feel you can achieve better in this new district – and all the qualifications you bring with you.
  6. What About You? – How self-effacing are you? Williams asks you to watch yourself over the next week. Try to catch yourself when responding or acting in a self-effacing manner. Record the action. Later, reflect on what caused the response. How did you feel in the moment? What could you have done differently? Is there a way you could have owned your success? And think about what the long term cost to you could be if you continue to respond this way?

Humility has its place. So does recognizing your accomplishments and successes. There’s no need to boast, but know how to accept praise, ask questions, and manage your career. And the more you are able to hear and accept praise, the more likely you are to take the next risk to grow as a leader.

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The Art of Listening

Last year, Libraries Unlimited released my book The Art of Communication: A Librarian’s Guide for Successful Leadership, Collaboration, and Advocacy. Despite my understanding of the subject overall, my great weakness is the art of listening. As an extrovert and one who talks a lot, all too often I forget to practice active listening.  And it’s in the listening that relationships are forged.

Both introverts and extroverts need to cultivate this important skill. Our students, teachers, administrators, and parents will value us if can meet their needs and wants.  Only by listening can we identify and understand these needs and wants.

To help us increase our ability to listen, David Lembi proposes 4 bad habits to drop and 3 skills to build in Leadership-Level Listening: The Quiet Superpower. As you read them, consider which bad habits have been impeding you and which skills you need to work on.

BAD HABITS

  1. Listening with a Goal in Mind – The object is to listen to what the other person is saying not on what you want to do. If you are waiting to jump in and offer your expertise, you will likely miss important information. Lembi says to “make understanding your only conversational goal.”
  2. Multi-tasking – This one is probably the most common. If you are doing something else like deleting unneeded emails, you are not listening to the person talking to you. And they are aware of it. Even if you are not physically doing something, you may have so much on your to-do list that you let your mind wander.  The lack of focus in your eyes lets the speaker know you are not paying attention.
  3. Judging – Deciding what the other person is saying is accurate, relevant, or important means you are not listening to all they are saying nor are you able to understand that individual’s point of view. Wait. You will have time to assess their message before you need to respond.
  4. Preparing Your Response – This is a habit I can easily fall into.  During the conversation, are you searching for the best way to frame your response. If so, you are longer listening.   To build relationships, people need to know you care and want to hear what they have to say. You don’t need to have every conversation end with a collaborative unit.  Your objective is to build the relationship.

3 SKILLS TO BUILD

  1. Engagement – Do you feel the connection between the two of you when you are talking?  That’s the engagement needed which creates the trust necessary to build a relationship. Lebni suggests we do whatever it takes to stay present and go “all in” on listening.
  2. Attunement – This is the next level. When you are attuned to the other person, you see things from their point of view.  It leans on your Social and Emotional abilities. You can sense their pain, frustration, and whatever emotions are at the root of what they are saying. Lembi says it’s akin to how musicians tune into each other to “synchronize rhythms and harmonize pitch.” It also allows you to be aware of the speaker’s nonverbal messages.
  3. Respect – You need to show that you believe in the value of the other person’s opinion – regardless of whether or not you agree or what else you might know. You never want to convey that you think their opinion can’t have merit. Instead, bring a sense of curiosity as to how they arrived at their conclusion or about what they are looking to learn.  If you are going to want them to value you, you must show you value them.

As a further help, Lembi suggests these 2 types of questions to use:

  1. Clarifying Questions – These help you make sure you have the details correctly. Lembi notes these also help you remember what was said more clearly.
  2. Diagnostic Questions – How, What, and Why questions deepen the conversation. They not only show you have been listening but also indicate you consider the other person’s ideas important and valuable.

Communication does not exist without listening.  As the old riddle ask, “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound.”  Make sure you hear all conversations you are engaged in. It’s vital to your relationship building skills and the continued success of your program..

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Using Stress to Succeed

Who isn’t dealing with stress? We face it at work and most of us face it at home. Librarians, teachers and administrators are dealing with scary challenges. And we not only have to manage our own stress, but we have to interact with others who are experiencing stress as well. Our students’ mental health has become a concern. Teachers have new goals and guidelines they don’t know how to meet. Administrators face unending political pressures.

People under stress are rarely at their best. Tempers flare, harsh words are said, and relationships are torn, sometimes beyond repair. We can’t afford to endanger our relationships. As leaders and librarians, successful relationships are vital to what we want to achieve. But we can’t simply wish our stress away. Indeed, the stresses in our lives only seem to increase. So what can we do?

In her blog post, Fear(less) Leadership: How to Recalibrate Your Stress Response, Rebecca Heiss takes a novel approach to dealing with stress, by finding ways to (believe it or not) make it work for us. “Fear(less)” is the key word. So much stress is rooted in fear, whether it is getting everything done, forgetting a key detail, or your job security. Knowing how to deal with that fear is a way to deal with that challenge.

Heiss makes three main points:

  • Our Brains Aren’t Designed for Today’s World – Heiss notes our brains treat all threats no matter their source or complexity in the same way. We fall into the classic, freeze, flee, fight response. We see all three in the responses librarians are making to the book banning that keeps ramping up in the United States. I am sure there are some librarians who are in one of these modes even if there haven’t been challenges in their district. Most often, we hide our fear under a brave face and plunge in, much like an animal that bristles and growls when under attack. But the fear is still there and wears away inside us. To deal with that, Heiss says we need to understand “how our brains will interpret the risks initially and then taking the time to calculate the actual costs of both action and inaction in making the next move.” In other words – there isn’t a lion at the cave opening. You can find a way through this.
  • Stress can give your life more meaning – That sounds counterintuitive, but Heiss explains that successful leaders view the cause of the stress as an adventure. See it as a challenge that will lead you to new understanding and growth. Looking for and finding a positive response to stress is the way to find new solutions (the classic “thinking out of the box” or getting rid of the box entirely). Heiss reminds us that athletic records are broken in competition, not in practice. We need stress to succeed and exceed. Chemically, you produce the same hormones and neurotransmitters when you are stressed as when you are excited.
  • Perceive Your Stress as Opportunity – Looking more deeply into the concept of stress as an adventure, Heiss provides the “ABC’s” of how to do it:
    • A is for Awareness – Allow yourself three minutes to feel the stress. Don’t deny it’s there. That won’t work. Name it to face it.
    • B is for Breathe – This named stress isn’t going to kill you, so the freeze, flight, fright response is unnecessary. Take a couple of deep breaths and gain control of the cognitive part of your brain.
    • C is for Curiosity – Ask yourself some questions to get moving. This is the time to look at your Core Values. What are the ideas and beliefs that you hold most valuable? The ones you need to support. If you retreat from them, your stress will only increase. What is your Mission? Will your response to the stress advance them? Check in with your PLN to see who has done this and can help.

Stress is normal in life. The increased level of stress is the new normal. We can live in the fear it causes or start seeing it as an adventure. And look for ways to welcome others on the adventure by helping your teachers see stress in a new way. They need the help as well – and it will build your relationships.

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Building Resilience

Life has been throwing a lot at us for the past years. We got through the pandemic only to be faced, in America, with being the target of groups determined to censor books and demonize librarians all in the name of a political agenda. And that’s on top of the usual heavy demands of our job. We need to cultivate the talent of resilience if we are to survive.

According to the American Psychological Association, “Resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.” The definition is an excellent description of the experiences librarians have been facing. How can you “successfully adapt” to it is the challenge.

Elena Aguilar provides the answer in her blog post, The Resilient Educator/ What Does a Resilient Educator Do? While there are just three tips, there are several steps as you work through them.

  • 1.      A Resilient Educator Reflects – With so much requiring your attention, it is natural to dive in and do what you seen needs to get done. Despite the pressure to get going, you will accomplish more if you build in a pause to reflect (see also my blog on the importance of taking time to review). What are you trying to achieve? Is this really the problem or is it a symptom? Aguilar recommends checking in with your Core Values. This is more likely to build your confidence in your actions. To make reflection work even better, do it regularly. Another of Aguilar’s tips is to put space for reflection in your calendar. Make this a priority. If there are others in your school you enjoy working with, consider holding a monthly meeting with colleagues for everyone to take this time.
  • A Resilient Educator Sets Boundaries – We need to know when enough is enough. Unless you know when to say, “no”, you will inevitably say “yes” to that proverbial straw. Just adding to your workload doesn’t create resilience – it’s more likely a step toward burnout. You need to know, set, and stick to your boundaries. What things are your hard/fast “no?” How do you preserve that time for self-care and/or family time? Just because we can doesn’t mean we have to be the one to do it. Aguilar rightly says, “Boundaries preserve our energy.”
  • A Resilient Educator Is Clear on What Matters Most – This is where your regular Reflection gets put into action. Using the Eisenhour Matrix, make what is “urgent and important” a priority. Recognizing what is “important but not immediately urgent” keeps you from overlooking that need. Being clear and not compromising on your hard/fast “no’s” prevent burnout. Remember your Core Values and your Mission and Vision. Is there a way to turn a challenge into an opportunity? If used properly, challenges allow you to think in new ways about your situation, what you are doing, and how you can do it differently.

Far too many librarians and teachers are burning out and leaving the profession. What is happening in your life might lead you that way, but taking time to reflect might offer insight into a better way to manage what you need to deal with. Finding a way to develop the resilience to stay and thrive is the target that will allow you to grow and thrive in your position for the long run.

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Start By Reviewing

The new school year is underway. Believe it or not – this can be a good time to review. Ask yourself, what do you want to achieve by the end? How will you get there? Which of your leadership skills will aid you in the journey?  What do you still need to learn? This is also a good time to ask what threats, such as the existing attacks on school librarians, can work against you? What conditions exist in your school, district, or on the state and national level can you use or learn into to take your leadership to a larger level?

To answer these questions, consider doing a personal environmental scan. While I usually prefer a S.O.A.R. analysis (Strengths, Opportunities, Aspirations, Results) because it keeps us from focusing on the negatives, in this case doing a S.W.O.T. analysis (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) can serve you better. You have leadership skills that are working for you. You also have difficulties in some areas, places where you need and want to grow. By taking a close and unemotional look at these, you can create a plan to guide you through the year.

With your scan in mind, Jay Sidhu’s blog post, Essential Lessons for Leaders provides a review of what you know while offering the following concepts and ideas for moving forward:

  • Leadership Qualities – Although you know many of them, Sidhu starts with the reminder that a leader must have a Vision, Mission, and Strategic Plan to achieve goals. His recommendation is that a leader must master their internal and external environment. Your S.W.O.A.T. analysis helped with that. He then adds the need to be “passionate about continual improvement,” which I hope you do as a lifelong learner.
  • Building Alliances – For us, this translates into advocacy which rests on continually building and maintaining relationships. Listening is key to achieving this along with awareness of the goals of others in your school and district. To successfully build a relationship ,you need to prove yourself important to the other person’s well-being and success. What do you teachers feel they need? What do they want? How are you or can you meet those needs and wants? Ask this question about students and administrators as well.
  • Learning to Be a Leader – Sidhu states a leader is a continuous learner. This not only means keeping up with the newest changes in technology, it also means understanding curriculum needs, district goals, and growing and developing as an individual. Use role models and mentors to help you. Identify leaders you admire, in the world or in librarianship. Reflect on what they do and how they are that caused you to admire them. Do you manifest any of those qualities? Can you work on acquiring the ones you don’t have? Risk learning by doing. Step out of your comfort zone and take on a bigger job in your state or national organization and ask someone who has done it to mentor you.
  • Knowing What It Takes – Sidhu brings us back to the beginning by wrapping his post up with a reminder to be clear about your Vision and Mission. As Yogi Berra famously said, “If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up someplace else.” Review both.  Missions in particular change over time as our roles change and expand. Keep your Vision and Mission in a prominent place so you—and others – see it every day.

I keep in mind the AASL Vision, “Every school librarian a leader; Every learner has a school librarian.”  Our students, teachers, and administrators need us to be leaders – and learners. Take this time as your school year starts to get clear on your vision, discover what you need to learn, and understand how you will be a leader.

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Ending a Conversation

Our conversations are an essential component of building and maintaining relationships. Navigating them can be complicated. Last week I blogged on how to start a difficult conversation. This week, let’s discuss how to successfully end one.

We all know someone who goes on and on. Sometimes, the conversation is fun, but we don’t have unlimited time. What should you do? You have tasks to attend to. Whether it’s a student, teacher, or (yikes!) administrator you’re speaking with, cutting them off can cause hurt and damage the relationship. How can you bring the conversation to an end without impairing it? John Millen has some options in his blog post, 5 Best Ways to End a Conversation:

  1. The Time-Conscious Approach – Millen’s favorite phrase for this is, “I want to be mindful of your time” and then continue by asking them what else needs discussing at this point.” By doing this, you are making it about the other person, showing your awareness of their needs, and guiding them into identifying the key points so that you are able to end the conversation while also having the information you need.
  2. The Grateful Farewell – Look for a point in the conversation where you can say, “Thank you for what you said. You have given me something to think about.” It’s complimentary and true regardless of what you think of the other person’s ideas. At the same time, you have signaled strongly that you are exiting the conversation, while showing gratitude – something that strengthens relationships.
  3. Non-verbal Cues – We all instinctively recognize them. Millen suggests slowing your speech to indicate you are about to or want to end the conversation. This is much like our recognizing the notes that typically end a musical piece. Be cautious, however, of excess body movements which will make the speaker sense you are bored, a pointed look at your watch or phone, crossing your arms, tapping your foot. These cause discomfort and push the other person away.
  4. End on a Positive Note –A specific compliment is always well-received. Millen suggests, “I’ve really enjoyed our conversation. Your insights are really helpful.” And, if necessary, you can add, “Let’s continue this conversation at a future time.” In a few words, you have not only achieved your primary goal of ending the conversation, but you have paved the way to further build the relationship.
  5. Practice Empathy – This is a reminder to treat other people the way we want to be treated. You might be the one who is going on too long, particularly when you are passionate about the topic. Consider the difference between someone saying to you, “We need to wrap this up, I have something that’s waiting for me,” as compared with them using one of the four other possible endings. And always thank them for their time and attention.

Every interaction we have either builds or detracts from our relationship with the speaker. The fewer mistakes we make in our communication, the stronger our relationships are and the more our constituents will continue to seek us out for help and support as well as be open to when we ask for assistance.  Add the skill of graciously ending conversations to leadership tool box. It’s one more way to enhance the perception of you as a leader.

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Starting Difficult Conversations

It seems as though difficult conversations are everywhere these days. Some we get pulled into – such as issues surrounding gender, sexuality, and racism. Some we must start when these issues affect collection selection, censorship, book banning, and who decides what information students have access to. But because we are in the relationship business, and every relationship – from personal to professional – has to manage through tough conversations at some time, we must know how to handle these situations when they happen.

Sometimes our actions or words put a colleague in the position of coming to us with a sensitive topic, and sometimes we’re the ones who need to take a stand. Nate Regier, the CEO and founding owner of Next Element Consulting, a global leadership firm dedicated to bringing compassion into the workplace, discusses how to Initiate Difficult Conversations With These 4 Steps. He quotes an EDI leader for a company as saying, “We just need better ways to talk to each other right now.”  As the political climate keeps amplifying both our differences and our emotional responses, this has become more critical than ever.

Regier’ four step approach involves using “Compassionate Accountability” which he says is more than altruism or empathy. It’s rather “struggling together in a spirit of dignity.” An important factor is accountability for behavior “without repeating the cycle of violence.”

  1. Own and express your feelings without blaming – Blaming words include “disrespected,” “left out,” and “attacked.” They imply that you blame the person who did whatever triggered your feelings. It’s hard to think of what you can say in response without using those words.  First take a moment to recognize what you are feeling. Accept the emotion and say, “When I hear something like that, I feel as though I don’t matter or that I am not seen as equal to others.” As Regier says, owning your feelings without blaming them on someone else’s behavior doesn’t condone the behavior or end the conversation. Quite the opposite. It can be what starts a healthy discussion.
  2. Use discomfort as your ally – When you have expressed a biased comment to someone, and realized it after the conversation was over, there is a tendency to duck your head and try to forget it happened. But it did happen, and someone was likely hurt. Integrity means you need to own it and say something. I had a volunteer model this many years ago after using a slur against Jews. At the time, I said nothing. She left after her morning shift, but returned in the afternoon, embarrassed and apologetic. I admired her tremendously for taking the first step by acknowledging what she had said.
  3. Mind the gap; own your part – Regier says, “Conflict is any gap between what we want and what we are experiencing.” In the fraction of the moment after my volunteer said what she did, I wanted to let her know how her comment made me feel. I recognized there was no ill intent, but I was hurt. Fortunately, when she returned, we could have that discussion because she had owned her part. She faced her discomfort and our relationship was better for her actions.
  4. Awareness is necessary but not sufficient to change behavior – Awareness is an important step, but the communication that follows is even more key when it comes to doing things differently. The experience with my volunteer was been a lesson to me.  I have my own innate biases.  I work hard to identify them and shut them down before I say something, but I make mistakes. When I have done so (or know that I have done so), I immediately apologize.

Regier concludes by saying, “Compassionate Accountability is a skill that translates beyond any particular conflict or dimension of diversity. By owning and expressing our feelings without blame, minding our part in the communication gap, leveraging discomfort to move forward, and being aware enough to close the knowing/doing gap is how conflict can become transformational.”

Whether someone is coming to us or we need to initiate a difficult discussion, it is important to stay open and listen to what is being said and how someone may be hurt so that the relationship can be strengthened. It takes a great deal of time and mindful effort to eliminate our inherent, unconscious biases, but we can acknowledge and own them. Recognizing and expressing our error and vulnerability adds to our integrity as leaders – and human beings.

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The Power of Telling Stories

We’re librarians – we love stories. Elementary librarians tell them to kids all the time. When I was a high school librarian, I often used Patricia Polacco’s picture book Pink and Say to connect students emotionally to the Civil War before beginning a research project on the topic. Ask a group of librarians for their favorite book and you’ll be in for a spirited conversation.

But there is danger in stories, too. The stories we heard told by people of certain beliefs, along with the stories we tell ourselves, can lock us into a rigid way of thinking unless we are exposed to newer ones that reveal what we hadn’t seen. Whether the readers are children or adults, stories can help us understand a world bigger than ourselves, bring out our empathy and broaden our perspective and understanding.

What is it about them? Why do they impact us so deeply?

The answer is emotion. Stories touch the deepest places inside us—for good or ill—and help make us who we are. I frequently remind school librarians that while data is great, it needs emotions to send that information home. A powerful story can break through an idealized belief.

As leaders, the emotions we create and develop in the people we support make a difference in our ability to grow – and protect – our programs. In Scott Van Voorhis post Looking to Leave a Mark? Memorable Leaders Don’t Just Spout Statistics, They Tell Stories he discusses how if you want people to hear and remember your message — tell a story. How does this help? Here’s some data (funny, right?) about story:

  • Measuring Memory – A research study conducted by Thomas Graeber (Harvard Business School), Christopher Roth (University of Cologne), and Florian Zimmermann (University of Bonn) revealed differences in how long we retained different types of information on beliefs. They found that a story’s effect faded by about one third within a single day. A statistic faded by 73% in one day. The reason why stories last longer in our memories is that they usually have “distinctive details or context” which help us remember them. Being abstract, statistics and numbers give our memories less to cling to. Van Voorhis says these are also more likely to get jammed by other irrelevant information. So much for your beautiful charts and infographics.
  • A Story That People Will Remember – To be effective, a story needs a strong relationship to the data you want to present. If you are trying to get additional funds for books, focus on a subject of interest to your audience. Talk about something outrageous in it. Having the book with you helps. Some examples from my past life as a high school librarian in the late 1980’s: A book that said Harvard was only for males. A book that said the Conquistadores brought civilization to the “natives.” A biology book that didn’t include DNA. All three together created a story that showed students, teachers, and administrators the importance of updating a collection and how our knowledge and presentation of a subject grows and changes.
  • Beware Extreme Stories – While I hope none of us will be guilty of this, it is wise to be aware of this caveat which Van Voorhis uses to conclude his post. As he showed, stories by their nature are more easily remembered. We are attracted to them, and because of that conspiracists, among others, use them freely to send their message. They raise stakes, create drama and conflict where there may be none. Too many of you have been at the receiving end of these extreme stories. Hopefully you can change that narrative with empowering and truthful stories.

The bottom line is a good story has more power than any piece of data no matter how artfully that date might be presented. Start telling you stories. Share them widely and encourage others to do so, too. We are natural storytellers. Let’s use this talent to support our leadership and our schools and send our message of why libraries are valuable to everyone.

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I Hear You

We know the importance of building relationships. While you can start making the necessary connections by emailing websites or apps that might interest teachers, the action that results in collaboration or cooperation doesn’t truly begin without face-to-face conversations. How we handle these in person interactions can speed or derail the process.

Just as a bad wi-fi connection can interfere with hearing what people are saying on a Zoom call, the way you respond to the teachers can prevent you from hearing them – and prevent them from reaching out to you in the future. You may think you are offering help and support, but that is not what is being communicated. What can go awry and how can you prevent it?

In my book The Art of Communication, I discuss the importance not only of active listening, but being aware of the non-verbal signals you are sending when you speak with someone. Similarly, in his blog post, How to Make People Feel Heard, David Burkus recommends four ways to improve your connections and relationships. He starts with active listening then offers three other usable skills.

  1. Model Active Listening – We know how important this is, but in the moment some of us, me included, get so caught up in wanting to respond, we plunge ahead. So much for active listening. Nodding and gesturing helps, but make sure your gestures aren’t expressing “Hurry up and finish, I have something to say.” Remember, our body language speaks volumes. What can help is summarizing what you think you heard them say. Give them the space to point out any parts you may have misheard or misunderstood. This ensures any further response doesn’t include false assumptions.
  • Praise the Contribution –Burkus says, even if you disagree, let them know you appreciate their willingness to share the information or their opinion with you. Identify any points which you agree with. By showing you respect what they said, you open the way for them to take in your response. It also alleviates any tension that may be building up. This is especially powerful when the interaction occurs at a meeting, and we have an audience. Our interactions with the speaker, usually unconscious, show others how you treat people. You could be inadvertently preventing other relationships from building.
  • Challenge Assumptions, Not Ideas – In these contentious times, it’s so easy to speak out against the ideas being stated. Instead, Burkus recommends you focus on the assumptions that underlie them. This way, you are more likely to discover the thinking process that lead them to develop their ideas. You can ask questions about the assumptions. If you can, point out where there is additional information that conflicts with those assumptions, but keep it factual and as emotion free as possible. Identify any areas where you have common ground, such as, “we all want our students to be successful.”
  • Questions Before Advice – Just as we want our students to feel safe in the library, our relationships with teachers depend on how safe they feel with us. Asking questions to determine where they want to go shows we want to go on this journey with them. They might not be asking for advice. Once you know what they are looking for, then you can offer support. I once had a teacher who wanted her entire ninth grade class to research Galileo. Rather than say, “Are you kidding me?” I asked what she wanted by having the focus be on Galileo. Her response that she wanted them to see the scientific method in action led me to suggest the possibility of having them choose from a list of scientists to report on how scientists’ work showed the importance of the scientific method. Once she knew I was listening to and understanding her goals, she was willing to diversify the assignment and used Galileo as a model when she introduced the assignment.

These same rules apply when we’re building our relationships with students. We need to pay close attention to discover what they are saying if we want to truly respond to their request and make them feel safe and welcome. Be sure that the student who you thought asked for help in finding out about euthanasia wasn’t looking for information about youth in Asia.

Our leadership is always about relationships. We need to continually learn how to build and maintain them. It’s a skill that requires lifelong learning – with lifelong benefits.