Ever had one of those days when everything you did took longer than expected?  Ever had a day when it seemed everyone needed you for something, and you were wondering if you would have time to breathe?  Yeah, me too.  We have all had days like this.

It’s fine if that happens only occasionally, but when it becomes more consistent or persistent, it’s a problem. The stress builds and builds. It’s like what happens when water keeps dripping on stone. That constant drip will eat away at the rock more effectively – if slower – than a flood.

There’s a word for this – “microstressers.” If you’re constantly feeling under pressure, but there is no one obvious culprit, then microstresses, aggravations so tiny you don’t notice or dismiss them, might be what is causing the problem. Rob Cross, Karen Dillon, and Kevin Martin have an approach to deal with them in their blog post, Five Ways to Deal with the Microstressers Draining Your Energy.  The authors identify 14 microstressers, breaking them into three categories. Here are 6 of them in the categories they belong:

Microstressers That Drain Your Capacity to Get Things Done

• Unpredictable behavior from a person in a position of authority – Principals, administrators and school boards, can be a significant source of microstresses when they ask first for one thing then another or ask you to make something a priority that changes what they previously requested.
• Surges in responsibilities at work or home – This is a big one for most of us. Constantly being asked to do one more little thing rapidly adds up to ongoing and unending microstresses.

Microstresses That Deplete Your Emotional Reserves

• Managing and feeling responsible for the success and well-being of others – We care about our students and teachers as well as our families, but it can take a lot out of us when we take on their process as our own.
• Confrontational conversations – Dealing with a defiant or disruptive student or a challenging discussion with a partner is wearing, no matter how successfully you manage it. We gear up to have the conversation, then are drained after.

Microstresses That Challenge Your Identity

• Pressure to pursue goals out of sync with your personal values – Librarians choices are being attacked on all fronts. Being able to advocate for the collection and programs you want to have to make your library a welcoming environment for all is more and challenging. (Okay – this one may not be micro!)
• Attacks on your sense of self-confidence, worth, or control – Anytime we hear something negative about ourselves, our choices, our beliefs, it’s like a pinprick in our confidence. Too many of these small holes, and our self-assurance leaks away.

Now that you can see what some of these microstresses are, here are the author’s 5 steps for dealing with them:

1. Start small – Always good advice. First, look to identify one small microstresser in your life – the fact that they are micro can make this a challenge initially. Once you can see it, identify steps to address it. For example, if you are feeling a loss of confidence, start keeping a list of great things about you or what you do. Look at them regularly (especially after one of those pinpricks).  And keep adding to the list.
2. Shift your attention to positive interactions that help create resilience – Is there someone at work you really like?  Can you have lunch with them a few times a week or go for a walk together after school. Enjoy these connections as they happen and look forward to your next time together will help. What about outside of work? Is there a friend you can call regularly?
3. Tackle two bigger microstresses – Now that you have a handle on two of your microstresser “go big” and try two. Schedule some time with the guidance counselor to get better ideas on dealing with disruptive students and see if they can do a workshop or tutorial for you and teachers. How can you delegate some of the increased workload at home or on the job? Where is there help and support in your life?
4. Pay attention to areas that create anxiety because of your concern for other people – We worry about the people who matter to us whether at home or work. We can’t make choices for them, and we can’t always rush in to help them. The authors suggest you work with them on developing problem-solving skills, which will allow you to both feel more successful. It may also have the added benefit of giving you peace of mind that you can trust their process.
5. Finish by pivoting to activities that help you derive a greater sense of purpose – The authors suggest you find a group or two outside work and family that gives you “meaningful activities.” For me it’s my Weight Watchers weekly meetings. I can feel myself shedding the microstresses even if I gain weight. Community and support are something we all need and which can get easily lost in the midst of all the little things that pull at us.

If you want to learn more about this subject, Cross and Dillon also co-authored the book The Microstress Effect. As leaders, we have so many demands we and others place on us, but our focus and energy tends to go to the big things and we don’t notice the little things that are draining our energy, mental health, and joy. When we succumb to these microstresser we can’t give as much to our school community or our family. Look for the little things that are becoming big things and take small steps to reduce your stress.