In Creativity Inc., Ed Catmull, one of the cofounders of Pixar, writes about Good Notes which was how staff members were trained to give feedback in a way that could be heard and used. Compliments are much the same. Being complimented always makes us feel good. And while some linger with us for a long time, other we can’t recall. Knowing what makes the difference can contribute to the ongoing success of your library by strengthening your relationships.

It starts with being specific. “You look nice” doesn’t have the same impact as, “You’re new haircut is terrific.” If you start giving specific compliments, you will see a difference in how people respond. Commenting about the design of a teacher’s bulletin board and what stood out to you can open a channel to start a conversation about a future unit. When you complete a learning project with a teacher and say something about how well they prepared their class, they are apt to return with another project.

This goes for students as well. If you say “good job” they will appreciate the recognition. But talking about what you notice them accomplish lets them see you really understand and appreciate what was involved. The more substantive compliments you give students, the better they will respond to you. This will have an effect on their behavior in the library and make a difference in how they approach you and tasks in the future.

To take this process further, Steve Keating has these seven suggestions to practice in learning How to Give a Sincere Compliment:

• Be Genuine – Mean it. Honesty is an important leadership quality. You should always say what you mean and mean what you say. Most people can tell if you are saying something nice only because a compliment seems called for. This is why specific is more meaningful.
• Timing Matters – When is the person in the best position to hear it? Most often it’s in the moment. But sometimes too much is happening to say anything. Look for a time soon after and try not to wait.
• Use Positive Language – Keating says instead of saying “You’re not as bad as others at this.” What is heard is “you’re not really good at it,” Instead, consider something like, “I appreciate all the work you’re doing to improve.” Keep the focus on what is working.
• Body Language – Not only can people usually tell if you don’t mean what you are saying – they can see it. Your body language should align with your words. This is one of the reasons being honest is important – your body generally agrees with what you are thinking.
• Avoid Backhanded Compliments – This is worse than not complimenting. Like not using positive language, it inevitably is demeaning. Keating’s example is “You’re surprisingly good at this.” The receiver is left wondering how bad he actually is.
• Personalize the Compliment – For a compliment people really remember, raise the specificity of it. It tells them you see them for who they are and what they are accomplishing. The example in the post is, “I’ve noticed your attention to detail in your work. It really sets you apart.”
• Be Mindful of Cultural Sensitivities – Keating means, depending on the culture, a compliment may not be appropriate. Understand the context and your audience. Melinda Reitz has a list of compliments from other cultures that sound like insults. And of course, beware of giving “compliments” that display inherent bias.

Compliments are a powerful communication tool. Used properly, they give us an opportunity to connect while acknowledging the growth and achievement of the people around us. World Compliment Day is coming on March 1^st. If you start practicing now, you will be comfortable with this new skill by then. And who knows… maybe you’ll even receive some meaningful ones as well.